Totally overwhelmed by pregnancy

[Animallover87]

I'm almost 9 weeks, first pregnancy, planned with lovely DH who I married recently.

I'm feeling totally overwhelmed and worried my life is over. I'm so used to my independence. Love travel. Love sleep.

We are only planning on having one as I've always been conscious of the fact I want to still have some freedom.

I don't know whether the enormity of the responsibility we will have has just hit me, coupled with the fact the weather is shit and my nausea is debilitating.

Please tell me I haven't ruined my life by getting pregnant?

I'm pretty sure that is a normal part of pregnancy. Whether it's hormonal, trimester related or just because practically your life will change I'm not sure.

Yes things will change but most people wouldn't change it once child is here. Just be aware it may take some time and look out for signs of post natal depression. Xxx

I felt exactly the same, I think it’s quite normal. It’s a huge change but you adapt and you find other things that bring you joy with kids that you don’t have as just adults. We were proper party animals, out all the time, on holiday several times a year and I got pregnant the first month of trying thinking because of our lifestyle it would take ages. It was a massive shock, but by far the very best thing I have ever done. We went on to have another soon afterwards and they are 15 and 13 now and enhance my life so much!

Thank you both for being so kind. We'd been trying for 6 months and I didn't expect to feel like this, it's not as if it was an accident!

I think it's completely normal! I fell pregnant out first month trying, was so excited, then went through a few days of Omg what have we done?! Then sadly miscarried at 6 weeks. Got pregnant the first time trying again and now have a 4 month old (today!) baby boy.

I still had moments of oh shit what are we doing when pregnant, and definitely in labour (😂) but now I see exactly what it's all about and it's honestly the most amazing thing ever. Hard, very hard and emotionally tough but your life isn't over, you just adapt and I definitely now get pleasure in the little things, like going for a walk, seeing friends and family, wandering round garden centres 😂. And in terms of freedom, if you have a supportive partner, which it sounds like you do, they can help you find a balance when you're ready. For instance, I have gone to a couple of work catch ups, out to dinner with friends etc. and we're still having a holiday, just a family one next year instead 😂

Not everyone let’s their children ruin their independence, it’s hard but you can still sleep and travel!

I visited 9 countries on mat leave alone so far, and still travel a lot outside of that, as a family and with friends, solo with DD etc.

Sleep has been fine as DH and I have a schedule that means we both rest a lot, plus weekly nights away to ensure we are well rested and have time to ourselves.

Thank you, that definitely helps. My DH is absolutely ecstatic at the thought of being a dad and I'm certain he will be hands on. My own dad is nearby and has been desperate for a grandchild for ages (I'm an only child!) So i know he will want to help too.

@CleoandRalf your life is exactly how I want mine to be.

I felt the same. Even after two miscarriages. I'd expected to be over the moon for a healthy pregnancy, but I was just nauseous, scared of something going wrong, and worried I couldn't do all the things i love.

It's normal. Let yourself feel that way and don't berate yourself for it, but try to enjoy the good things as best you can, too.

Your life will certainly change with a child, there's no denying that. But my son is 15 months, and I've been rock climbing for the past year, and due to go ice climbing in February. If your DP is hands on and your father wants to help, too, you will get some time to do your own things as well.

Thank you.

It's probably not helping that I've been too Sick to go to the gym or go on long walks which I normally love!

I've got a holiday booked for Feb I hope I feel better for.

Just seen your but about the gym and long walks. Don't worry if you can't get back into these things straight away, I thought I would but my body took longer to recover than I thought it would. It really worried me at the time because I thought it would be like that forever, but some people just take longer.
Just try to go with the flow and not have any expectations. That goes for baby feeding and sleeping too. I recommend 'its never too late to sleep train' if you are struggling after the six month mark. I wasted so much time on being stubborn about gentle sleep methods and made myself a martyr unnecessarily. Followed a method and baby slept within a month after months of stubborn nosleep.

The constant nausea is enough to make you lose the will to live. It feels relentless and never ending.

Most people feel better by around 12 weeks, though. If you're 9 weeks along now, this is likely the worst of it, and you'll feel better in a few weeks. Just in time for your holiday! :-)

Most people feel better by around 12 weeks

But don't worry if it doesn't. Mine went when the baby came haha but I am the 0.1%.

Oh god I hope its better soon. My mum said she was sick every day when she was pregnant with me which probably hasn't helped my mood. I can barely function, DH is doing all the housework and cooking while I lie on the couch!

I don't think it is genetic, so your mum's experience won't be the same as yours. Mine was very different across pregnancies so I think it is very individual. If you still feel sick after sixteen weeks though do make sure you bring it up seriously with the midwife as it can be managed and treated. I didn't because I kept expecting it to get better with time but would have done a lot better if I had. Some of my friends had it treated and managed much better.

Also don't forget they may not have had the knowledge or medicine to treat your mum at that time.
Parents are good for advice but you do have to remember they had a different baby, different experience, different time so their experience may or not be helpful and sometimes causes unnecessary worrying.

You'll probably feel better very soon. I was sick every day until about 14 weeks and then it stopped and I felt loads better and could get back to the gym and running.

It sounds like you have family around who will be able to have the baby for you for an hour while you do something for yourself, so you will be ok!

My DH is annoyed she said that to me but she was just being honest. But yeah, hopefully it's not genetic in this case. I really appreciate the kind and helpful advice.

Try not to take people's advice to heart. Being pregnant everyone wants to share their experience and although it is often meant well, everyone's experience is so different it is often just white noise. (I mean, I even did it on this thread lol)

Just try and contextualise it as their story not yours and take what you want. Some people find the pregnancy bits hard, labour hard, fourth trimester hard or terrible twos and every variation in-between. You'll likely breeze through bits that other people struggled in or it'll seem like everyone else has it easy when you are struggling.
Also remember some people are not honest about what they struggle with and so if everyone seems to be having sleep through the night at six months, perfect weaning and meeting milestones doesn't mean they are.

We still travel (our two year old is great at it) and we took him on a number of European city breaks this year.

We also sleep well as he's been sleeping through the night since he was twelve weeks old.

We've found that whilst yes, you lose spontaneity, you can still do the things that you used to, just in adapted ways and with a bit more planning :)

That is reassuring thank you 😊

Oh I could have written this post word for word! I feel exactly the same, although over the last week or so I've slowly started to lose the 'wtf have I done' feeling. I'm a couple of weeks ahead of you and gradually starting to feel less nauseous which is helping too. Just wanted to reassure you that you're not alone with these feelings!

OP - I’ve a 20 month old and I felt quite like you even though the wee one was planned. I didn’t expect my partner to walk out on me/us and be left to the majority of it myself, but you just get used to the little one being part of your every day life.
Just remember that they aren’t young forever and slowly life goes back to normal.

Thanks so much. I was convinced everyone was gonna tell me I'm an ungrateful monster 🙈

I was you this time two years ago - even though she was very much wanted I was completely overwhelmed with fear and a sense of ‘Omg are we making a massive mistake’. It’s the one time in my life I really could have used a large glass of wine but obviously couldn’t!

Anyway my advice would definitely be to confide in someone about your fears - be it a friend or your midwife, don’t bottle things up! I remember a friend who was pregnant with her second at the same time as me asking me how I was feeling and I blurted out all these feelings and was shocked when she said she had felt exactly the same with her first. We had a good chat and I felt massively better, and had her to confide in for the rest of my pregnancy which was lovely.

It’s normal and you aren’t alone. I’m currently listening to my 16 month old shrieking with laughter while DH bathes her and it’s glorious - I wish I could go back two years and tell myself not to worry because she would become the absolute sunshine of my life!

Big congrats, and keep talking! 💐

I felt exactly this way! I'll be totally honest, when she was born I was completely overwhelmed with the responsibility of it and felt like I'd never fully relax ever again. However!! I promise you it'll be worth it. DC is 5 now and just so wonderful. Having a DC has brought me and DH closer together. Having a family unit brings me a lot of contentment and joy. It's not all fun all the time, but having one is the perfect balance. I am still myself, but also a mother. Didn't want to give up my identity to be a mother and it turns out, you don't have to if you don't want to. I still enjoy and get to do all the same stuff as before. You'll be fine and have some incredibly wonderful times ahead.