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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

.. to tell DH not to drive ‘my’ car again?

49 replies

BabbleBee · 31/12/2022 09:05

DH and I own two cars. Both are registered in my name. Car 1 is huge, it used to be the car I primarily drove as it was big enough for all DC. I was a SAHM for many years, when I returned to work, we sold an old banger, he then started driving car 1 and with my first wages I paid the deposit on a loan for car 2. I was so pleased with myself - it was the first money of my own I’d had for ages and car 2 was the only thing that I have that I consider my own. We refer to car 1 as his, car 2 as mine.

Car 1 is an automatic, car 2 is a manual. DH has clearly got used to the auto and is frankly shit at driving my car. He grinds the gears, doesn’t drive in an appropriate gear (eg will drive at 65/70 in 5th rather than 6th, tries to pull off in 2nd etc). We used my car to go Christmas shopping and he drove into a bollard in the parking bay. Luckily it was an old plastic thing and no damage was done but I was still annoyed that he’d totally ignored the parking sensors.

He drove car 2 yesterday and again didn’t use the clutch properly so the gear change was grinding. Because car 2 was at the front of the driveway last night, he used it to pick DD up. He hit a pothole and punctured the tyre. We had plans this morning that involved me being in one place and him another which have now had to be cancelled because he’s getting the tyre fixed and I will need to take car 1 to pick DD up from work.

I’m cross and annoyed that he’s driven my car through a pothole, which is also the same pothole he punctured the tyre on car 1 on last week. He doesn’t understand why I’m cross and is now annoyed at me for being annoyed!!

I want to say he’s not to drive my car again before he does some proper damage to it! AIBU, precious and petty though?

OP posts:
Badgirlriri · 31/12/2022 09:14

YANBU he doesn’t respect your car so he shouldn’t be driving it.

ChiefPearlClutcher · 31/12/2022 09:16

How on earth does he manage ALL of that?? You really don’t unlearn how to drive with gears. As for the physical damage that is just plainly careless. Could it be deliberate sabotage?

pompomdaisy · 31/12/2022 09:18

He needs driving lessons. He's careless.

Doggiky · 31/12/2022 09:19

I’m torn. He clearly doesn’t respect either car (if he’s caused the same damage to both cars from the same pothole) so not sure why you’re so precious about one but not the other. They’re both family cars - would you think he owns (and can ban you from using) anything paid for from his wages? Clearly he needs to stop driving like an idiot though.

FlounderingFruitcake · 31/12/2022 09:19

I’m with you on the shit driving but the pothole thing was probably unlucky especially if it was dark. He’s got used to the auto, can’t drive a manual and I think you’d be perfectly reasonable to say he doesn’t drive yours anymore unless it’s a complete emergency.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/12/2022 09:21

He shouldn't be driving at all. He's a fucking menace.

Abouttimemum · 31/12/2022 09:22

I drive an automatic mainly but when I do drive our other car I’m perfectly capable of changing gears, you don’t unlearn it, it’s like riding a bike.
He just sounds like a terrible driver!

Brefugee · 31/12/2022 09:22

We have 2 cars, one is considered the Family Car because it's bigger, the other is smaller and i bought it from savings when i got a job that didn't have public transport access.

I have refused to drive Family Car for ages because DH is also a gear grinder (he also changes gear badly, with a jolt so I'm generally not a fan of his driving) and the gear box was consequently rubbish and difficult to change gears. I said this several times, and that 2nd car is mine.

Until we were trying to leave a car park, at the barrier, and he couldn't get "his" car in gear because the gearbox is shot. And finally the penny dropped. So no, YANBU to want to keep your DH away from your car. I'm the same

Yarrawonga · 31/12/2022 09:22

You really don’t unlearn how to drive with gears.

You can forget you are not driving an automatic.

MavisMcMinty · 31/12/2022 09:23

I hate my OH driving my car, I’m tense and irritable all the way, he’s never in the appropriate gear for anything but can’t seem to hear or feel my car’s protests. When I’m a passenger in his car, I don’t care at all! YANBU.

Surgarblossom · 31/12/2022 09:27

I absolutely hate my DH driving my car too, he has no respect for it and for some reason has terrible road rage when he drives it. I'm a very tense passenger when he is driving it.

Afterfire · 31/12/2022 09:29

Wow he’s a bad driver!

I think it’s a difficult one though because either the cars belong to you both or they don’t?

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 31/12/2022 09:30

I also hate dh driving my car.

He rallies it and almost every time he drives it a new sensor light comes on and off again somewhere.

I'm convinced it's because of the way he drives.

He has an old badger that he chose to buy and wanted because he only uses it to get to work and back (really muddy lanes and pot hole roads etc) but has been using mine for weeks as his wipers need sorting

He hasn't bothered sorting them and just uses mine. It really pisses me off

The final straw was him leaving me with literally no fuel and we don't live near a garage. So I had to de tour my own journey to fuel up.

I went nuts at him and told him to sort his own car out as he wasn't driving mine anymore.

I paid a lot for mine and I get it valeted every now and then but hel use it for work and it's filthy again.

So bloody disrespectful

glasshole · 31/12/2022 09:32

I drive an automatic Tiguan. My DH drives a manual 1ltr mg. We often swap often and I promise you, even after driving my car for 2.5 years, I didn't grind the gears once when I first drove his car. It took me 20 -30 seconds or so to find the biting point and get used to the different indicators/wipers but that's it.

MavisMcMinty · 31/12/2022 09:36

A neighbour of ours burst a tyre 3 times on the same pothole.

I went to the shop 5 miles away and my usual route (Devon single-track lanes) was so potholey I decided to take the longer route home - another couple of miles but on a proper B road with white lines down the middle and everything. Of course I was able to go so much faster on the B road that I burst my tyre on an unseen pothole, that was a £90 detour, when if I’d come back the usual route I’d have crept past/over all the potholes and my tyres would have been fine!

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2022 09:51

Aquamarine1029 · 31/12/2022 09:21

He shouldn't be driving at all. He's a fucking menace.

This!!

The car thing is irrelevant! Driving lessons or no driving.

Devoutspoken · 31/12/2022 09:52

It's a car, a piece of metal, not worth arguing about

Lcb123 · 31/12/2022 09:54

It’s a car-get some perspective.

BelenaConhamHarter · 31/12/2022 09:57

We have this occasionally.

You break it - you fix it and you organise the taxis.

The money is infuriating, but I sometimes make expensive mistakes too so I can't judge.

mewkins · 31/12/2022 09:57

Crikey I would suggest he doesn't drive any car.

Bigdamnheroes · 31/12/2022 09:57

My driving instructor had a manual and an automatic. If the person after me was learning manual and lived nearer to me than him, occasionally we would switch cars towards the end of my lesson and even though I was learning auto, I had no trouble switching between the two. He's just being careless. Absolutely not unreasonable to say he doesn't drive it anymore.

Herejustforthisone · 31/12/2022 10:53

I wouldn’t be happy with him driving any car. What the fuck is wrong with him?

Beachsidesunset · 31/12/2022 11:01

wtfisgoingonhere21

Love the idea of driving an old badger 😀

LlynTegid · 31/12/2022 11:05

Agree 100%.

An example of why driving re-testing should happen.

Anniegetyourgun · 31/12/2022 13:07

People saying "it's just a car" - it's an expensive tool which won't do what you bought it for if someone kindly damages it for you, unless/until someone (and you can bet it won't be them) pays large amounts of money to repair it. What's not to get miffed about?