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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

.. to tell DH not to drive ‘my’ car again?

49 replies

BabbleBee · 31/12/2022 09:05

DH and I own two cars. Both are registered in my name. Car 1 is huge, it used to be the car I primarily drove as it was big enough for all DC. I was a SAHM for many years, when I returned to work, we sold an old banger, he then started driving car 1 and with my first wages I paid the deposit on a loan for car 2. I was so pleased with myself - it was the first money of my own I’d had for ages and car 2 was the only thing that I have that I consider my own. We refer to car 1 as his, car 2 as mine.

Car 1 is an automatic, car 2 is a manual. DH has clearly got used to the auto and is frankly shit at driving my car. He grinds the gears, doesn’t drive in an appropriate gear (eg will drive at 65/70 in 5th rather than 6th, tries to pull off in 2nd etc). We used my car to go Christmas shopping and he drove into a bollard in the parking bay. Luckily it was an old plastic thing and no damage was done but I was still annoyed that he’d totally ignored the parking sensors.

He drove car 2 yesterday and again didn’t use the clutch properly so the gear change was grinding. Because car 2 was at the front of the driveway last night, he used it to pick DD up. He hit a pothole and punctured the tyre. We had plans this morning that involved me being in one place and him another which have now had to be cancelled because he’s getting the tyre fixed and I will need to take car 1 to pick DD up from work.

I’m cross and annoyed that he’s driven my car through a pothole, which is also the same pothole he punctured the tyre on car 1 on last week. He doesn’t understand why I’m cross and is now annoyed at me for being annoyed!!

I want to say he’s not to drive my car again before he does some proper damage to it! AIBU, precious and petty though?

OP posts:
PlinkyPlonk1 · 31/12/2022 13:17

I'm with you!

I don't like my other half driving my car as he over revs the engine. He really doesn't know how to use the gears properly.

In my driving lessons, I was taught to listen to the sound of the engine to know when to change gear. He absolutely cannot seem to grasp that if the engine sounds like it's straining, you need to change gear. Then he gets cross when I prompt him to change when I can't stand the noise any more!

He definitely needs an automatic.

Plus he has had so many accidents in the cars he's had. When I'm in the passenger side, I often shut my eyes and try to press the imaginary breaks as he comes up to fast towards the car in front.

amonsteronthehill · 31/12/2022 13:19

If he destroys your gears, it's a very expensive fix. No way he'd be driving my car if he can't do it properly.

Alfiemoon1 · 31/12/2022 13:23

I don’t drive dh car as it’s to big and I am not a confident driver dh is a good driver he’s a hgv driver but I hate him driving my car as he messes with things changes the radio station the auto wipers sets cruise control that I don’t use as don’t go far just to work and back and to the shops etc and he leaves the hand brake on to tight that I struggle to get it off.

TheGuv1982 · 31/12/2022 13:25

Are you married to Mr Bean?

ButterflyBitch · 31/12/2022 13:26

My husbands the same with my car. He rarely drives it but when he does he doesn’t change gear properly because he’s not used to it. It’s a 1 litre so when you’re doing 40mph in 2nd gear and the engines screaming you do get pissed off. Yanbu.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 31/12/2022 13:27

YANBU at all

But what jumped out at me (unless I’ve misread) was that he was driving your car even when your were with him? Why on Earth was that?

Gingernaut · 31/12/2022 13:31

Aquamarine1029 · 31/12/2022 09:21

He shouldn't be driving at all. He's a fucking menace.

I can't drive at all, yet I agree with this.

He needs an eye test and a driving re-test if he's knocking stuff over and puncturing tyres twice on the same pothole.

He needs to stick to the automatic.

Pootle22 · 31/12/2022 13:37

Just for all the people who've burst their tyre on a pothole, for future reference you can reclaim from the council if its a public road. Read the guides and make sure you take all the photos they want and report promptly.

OP it's definitely fine to tell DH to take 'his' car at every opportunity. If you consider all money family money then the cars are jointly owned and repairs cone from the joint budget so banning him from driving 'your car' seems a bit excessive.

Eleganz · 31/12/2022 13:41

Pootle22 · 31/12/2022 13:37

Just for all the people who've burst their tyre on a pothole, for future reference you can reclaim from the council if its a public road. Read the guides and make sure you take all the photos they want and report promptly.

OP it's definitely fine to tell DH to take 'his' car at every opportunity. If you consider all money family money then the cars are jointly owned and repairs cone from the joint budget so banning him from driving 'your car' seems a bit excessive.

Yeah, a little bit of "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" about the situation.

If OP was on the other end of this situation her H would be being described as controlling if he banned her from using a car because she's hit a couple of potholes and her H didn't like how she changed gears.

CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 13:54

YABU

Imagine the replies if sexes were reversed, you’d be accused of being controlling and abusive.

They’re both family cars.

TheGirlWhoTamedTheDragon · 31/12/2022 13:57

No way would I let such a bad driver drive my car, male or female!!

LookItsMeAgain · 31/12/2022 15:35

Yarrawonga · 31/12/2022 09:22

You really don’t unlearn how to drive with gears.

You can forget you are not driving an automatic.

I'm not buying this. Do you also forget which car you got into when you're in the driving seat? That you would 'forget' that you're not in an automatic vs a stick shift, shows that your mind is not 100% on the driving.

He's a shit driver @BabbleBee and I'd seriously consider getting him some refresher lessons. How long has he been driving that he's so careless? Sounds like too many bad habits have crept in to his driving and he doesn't give a shite about the condition he leaves cars in.

Yarrawonga · 31/12/2022 16:13

I'm not buying this.

Whether you “buy” it or not is irrelevant. It happens.

PocketBattleship · 31/12/2022 16:19

Yarrawonga · 31/12/2022 16:13

I'm not buying this.

Whether you “buy” it or not is irrelevant. It happens.

I'm not buying it either. You only forget until you notice it's not changing gear by itself, which takes until about five seconds into the journey.

GrumpyPanda · 31/12/2022 16:25

Eleganz · 31/12/2022 13:41

Yeah, a little bit of "what's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" about the situation.

If OP was on the other end of this situation her H would be being described as controlling if he banned her from using a car because she's hit a couple of potholes and her H didn't like how she changed gears.

The difference being that OP probably wouldn't be echoing gender stereotypes when ranting about his driving.

Yarrawonga · 31/12/2022 16:27

I'm not buying it either. You only forget until you notice it's not changing gear by itself, which takes until about five seconds into the journey

Make your mind up. First you say that you don’t buy that it is possible to forget that you are driving a manual, and then say it is.

In my experience, the most common scenario is where people forget to use the clutch when coming to a halt.

PocketBattleship · 31/12/2022 16:31

Make your mind up. First you say that you don’t buy that it is possible to forget that you are driving a manual, and then say it is.

I'm not buying it as an argument to excuse rank bad driving.

Bugbuggerit · 31/12/2022 16:32

I have banned husband from driving my car because he fiddles around with the heating ,AC ,mirrors and seat position…absolutely pisses me off ! He can faff with his car but not mine!!

whattodo1975 · 31/12/2022 16:32

I understand it’s very annoying.

But

when he paid for everything during your time as a SAHM did he refer to anything like that his and prevent you from using anything because he was the one who paid for it?

FictionalCharacter · 31/12/2022 16:36

CleoandRalf · 31/12/2022 13:54

YABU

Imagine the replies if sexes were reversed, you’d be accused of being controlling and abusive.

They’re both family cars.

Nope. If the sexes were reversed I’d be happy to say the wife is a terrible driver. As it is, the husband is a terrible driver.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/12/2022 16:39

whattodo1975 · 31/12/2022 16:32

I understand it’s very annoying.

But

when he paid for everything during your time as a SAHM did he refer to anything like that his and prevent you from using anything because he was the one who paid for it?

I absolutely agree with this. When I first readthe op it was clear that you both contribute in your family. Some financial, some other. Great. So it's probably a bit off calling it your car, when it's clear everything is shared. Say for example he pays the mortgage - how would you feel if he said 'my house'?

Oblomov22 · 31/12/2022 16:42

It's a lack of care. Lack of respect.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 31/12/2022 16:46

dm didn’t have her own car for years but now she does she refuses to let dh drive it because he’s too rough.

Flossyhair · 31/12/2022 17:20

How would he feel if you continuously made mistakes at caused expensive damage in the car that he usually drives?

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