AIBU thinking there's something weird about my sister?

[Ginnyfromtheblock]

My sister is 30 and has a habit of either over-embellishing to make out she's very rich or just generally lying. She's been lying about small things from a young age but nowadays it tends to be things like:

1. An anecdote I or someone else may have said in conversation once upon a time, and she's now forgotten about who said it and uses it in conversation as if it was her and her story eg. A tradition of hers is making hot choc in a flask and taking it to winter wonderland when it is in fact something I do. Completely innocuous but also a blatant lie.
2. Buying designer things for herself or her husband and then posting photos on Instagram saying she's being spoilt by her husband
3. She hates her in laws (they are a bit rubbish and create unnecessary drama) but they throw rather lavish parties whether it's something like a baby shower or a kids birthday party, they're always very 'perfect'. But will post photos on Instagram of their fancy looking events (which she spends the run up and after the event moaning to me about how awful everyone is) saying how much she loved the day and how blessed she is to have such fun in laws
4. Every single photo she puts up of herself is completely edited so that she looks almost like an alien. Her waist is tiny in the photos, her skin a lot more fair than it is (we have olive skin). She is in actual fact a size 16 and nobody in my family agrees that she looks like what her photos do.
5. About 10 years ago she lied to a love interest about being sexually harassed at the student bar at uni so he would feel bad about not having spent the evening by her side. I know it was a lie because I wantrd to speak to uni security about it but she wouldn't let me and in the end it came out that she made it up.
6. A friend of hers recently phoned me asking if she was ok as she hasn't heard from my sister since her operation. I asked my sister what operation as I didn't know about it. She just said, 'oh sorry about that, I'll get back to her'. Me and my sister speak on the phone everyday, and she hasn't had an operation for anything to my knowledge
7. She booked a make up artist for about 5 separate occasions over the summer but lied to her about being in hospital. I bumped into the make up artist whilst shopping and she asked if my sister was out of hospital. I was with my sister the entire week and she wasn't in hospital.

So, I feel like something is up or her lies are just getting worse but I don't know how to confront her about it without making her feel bad about herself. But I'm also getting fed up of covering up her lies to random people. Am I being unreasonable about her being weird?

Stop covering up for her. That only makes you look as flakey as she is.

Just say " I've no idea what my sister is on about. I've never heard that story  before so can't comment.".

It sounds like she's a compulsive, pathological liar and it's unlikely that she will ever truly change her ways. It seems like she craves attention and this is the means she's using to get it.

You can't force her to change and start being truthful. No one can. You can only control how you respond to her and what you do with what you know of her behaviour.

I'd suggest, like many others, distancing yourself as much as possible from her. If you're asked by a mutual friend/acquaintance about a lie she's told, don't cover for her and go along with the story that your DSis has told. Be truthful. It may actually do her the world of good to face the consequences of her lies.

The trouble is, when you go along with her story and cover for her, you're providing validation for her. She doesn't suffer any negative consequences for her behaviour, and she needs to see some consequences.

Adding to this thread.. more of a vent really. We found out the sex and she's really upset we (DH and I) won't tell her. She joked that after me, she's the most important person in the baby's life. And then I think this was just to get a reaction out of me to try and figure out if it was a boy or a girl, but she said she thinks that "all baby girls are ugly". And then she said it again when I said I disagree and also I think to parents, no matter what the sex, they think their child is beautiful. And then she used an example of two cousins of ours (both girls) saying they were both ugly. Personally, I thought they were cute..

Anyway, I didn't bite or react. But I feel really upset. It's such a nasty thing to say even if it is a joke or to get a reaction out of me. She's 30 and she speaks in such an awful and immature way. I really would have appreciated a more mature and helpful approach at a time like this in my life.

Also meant to add, it isn't her specifically we aren't telling. DH and I are just keeping it private between ourselves until baby is born.

I know one of these - but it must be especially draining when it's your sister. Mine is my husband's brother in law - he just talks utter bullshit because he thinks it makes him seem better than others.

He embellished SIL's job - when the job was a perfectly good job, but no he had to pretend it was a more senior role.
He told people that our joint in-laws are very upper class and live in a huge house (they don't) , whilst simultaneously also living next door to George Michael (they didn't).He even embellished the story with tales of how George would give them a lavish hamper each year to apologise for the inconvenience of having fans on their doorstep. This was a story stolen from a newspaper interview given by GM's actual neighbour.
Lies about salaries and how much money they spend on things.

For a teenager to tell lies like this would be sad, but a man in his 50s! Tragic.

Two things strike me.

You're too close. Some of this is fine for her to do if she wants to but it's just too annoying to deal with so often.

There's something wrong with her.

Could you please explain the being too close bit? Like what is it that makes it too close? Genuine question, not being sarcastic! Many thanks!

the in-laws are a bit rubbish and create unnecessary drama?
looks as if she's found her tribe

Maybe Borderline Personality Disorder?

@Ginnyfromtheblock

Look up EUPD.

Her life sounds so sad.
The social media stuff is par for the course for social media. And since she's either been fired or left her job, her husband is indeed treating her to whatever new stuff she's buying.

But the rest of what she's doing is incredibly alienating. Her blatant copying might be a sign of lack of a sense that the two of you are distinct people. You're dealing with a persona, not a person.

The baby thing is a particularly egregious indication of a lack of personal boundaries.

The frequency of your contact.

Is she a drinker?

Sounds a lot like EUPD/ borderline personality disorder, although no one can be diagnosed second-hand over the internet of course. As a PP says, look it up and see if anything resonates.

Practically, just trying not to rise to things is your best bet, obviously. You’ll be very busy with motherhood soon and so start practicing or deciding your firm boundaries over what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour from her.

Nope, totally sober (religious beliefs)

She's just sent me a photo of a plastered finger and fabric scissors (because she's making a blanket for the baby) and captioned it 'The things I do for the baby'. My immediate reaction in my head is like, honestly it's not like it's your vagina that's about to be obliterated. She acts like there's all this struggle for her. Like buzz off then, nobody asked you to.

She sounds so dumb. Grr.
In isolation it's not that bad, but I'm also so fed up of her attitude. It's lately been stuff like "there's going to be so much nappy changing and so much sick and crying". She acts like it's all happening to her and that it's all going to be so hard for her. It's really effing annoying. Like I have had it super hard with grizzly symptoms, but nope, we need to talk about it from her perspective.

Believe me when I say I've pared it back.

I wouldn’t be able to cope! I’d have to record her and play back her lies. Pathological or not, I can’t abide liars.

Are you never inclined to snap at her? Like "WTF are you on about, that's an outright lie" or
"Not a chance, you're far too flaky" ( in response to her being 2nd most important in your child's life)

Do you never pull her up on this shit?