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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a reasonable request?

39 replies

Imysmc · 30/12/2022 22:24

DH's family always host a Christmas Day evening party.
We have 2 children (8 and 2) and on Boxing Day we go to my familys in the morning, they live approx. 30 miles away.
Went to the Christmas Day evening party as usual, bear in mind the children had been up really early excited for their presents. I suggested to DH we leave around half 9 to get the children to bed. He didn't want to leave, fine, told me he'd be home in around an hour. I took the children home and put them in bed.
DH didn't come home til around 1230am, knwoing we needed to be up the next morning ready to see my family.
He didn't get up til 1030am which is the time we normally leave. I took the children and went on my own with them.
Between Boxing Day and today I have caught this dreaded bug virus thing and I have literally been throwing up and had next to no sleep as my cough and fever is so bad. I have been up out of bed and done all the usual things I'd do, mind over matter and all that.
So this evening DH mother has held a little pre NYE party at her house. I told DH I'd go for an hour (fully aware I am still poorly, they really don't mind people around them that are ill otherwise I wouldn't have gone)
We got there around 6pm.
Not long after we arrived I had a coughing fit and went to be sick in the bathroom.
Fast forward to 900pm, I tell DH that I am going home as I am ready for bed and so are the children. He then started getting moody and pulling a face.
I said I am finding it difficult to look after myself right now let alone the children and could he possibly come home with me.
He wanted to stay and carry on drinking, letting his mum drive him home later on.
Huffing and puffing he reluctantly came home with me and since then he has been making little digs, pulling faces at me and just being arsey in general. Telling me I ruin his fun.
AIBU asking him to come home with me? He certainly feels like I have been.

OP posts:
LIZS · 30/12/2022 22:26

I would have opted out and let him take dc.

Travis1 · 30/12/2022 22:27

YANBU but your first mistake was going to the party. Should have sent him on his own with the children.

is he often like this? It’s a very unattractive quality

RegularNameChangerVersion21 · 30/12/2022 22:28

Yeah you should have stayed home and he can either stay home too or take the kids with him. He sounds incredibly selfish.

Glitterandcard · 30/12/2022 22:28

So you’re expected to prioritise his family events, but he can’t get himself out of bed for yours? He’s being unreasonable for that.

Whether you really need him to put two children straight to bed, one of which is old enough to be almost self sufficient, only you know - if I was so unwell I couldn’t do that I’d never have gone out in the first place.

Afl · 30/12/2022 22:28

Travis1 · 30/12/2022 22:27

YANBU but your first mistake was going to the party. Should have sent him on his own with the children.

is he often like this? It’s a very unattractive quality

If he had taken the children he wouldn't have seen an issue with bringing them home a lot later. He always says to me to stop stressing about the time they go to bed and stuff.
He always has major FOMO yes. I wouldn't mind but he's 40 🤦‍♀️

Aquamarine1029 · 30/12/2022 22:29

I'll never understand why women have children and marry these twats.

Get rid.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/12/2022 22:29

He missed Boxing Day situ your family because ge stayed up and couldn’t be arsed getting out of bed? That and the rest of it makes him a selfish dick.

Hope you feel better soon.

Pootle22 · 30/12/2022 22:31

He's an arse, his wife is sick and he should be taking responsibility for the dc but isn't.

However, what was said about his behaviour Xmas night/boxing day? Did you address this at all? If not he's used to doing what he likes with no
consequences.

Original poster
Imysmc · 30/12/2022 22:32

Glitterandcard · 30/12/2022 22:28

So you’re expected to prioritise his family events, but he can’t get himself out of bed for yours? He’s being unreasonable for that.

Whether you really need him to put two children straight to bed, one of which is old enough to be almost self sufficient, only you know - if I was so unwell I couldn’t do that I’d never have gone out in the first place.

I agree with you, perhaps I shouldn't have gone at all as it sends a mixed message- I am ok to go to a get together but not well enough to put the children to bed.
Appreciate your input!

OP posts:
homeishere · 30/12/2022 22:34

He’s a dickhead

Original poster
Imysmc · 30/12/2022 22:34

Pootle22 · 30/12/2022 22:31

He's an arse, his wife is sick and he should be taking responsibility for the dc but isn't.

However, what was said about his behaviour Xmas night/boxing day? Did you address this at all? If not he's used to doing what he likes with no
consequences.

Yes I addressed this with him. To add it's not the first Christmas he's stayed out way later and delayed the day after.
He just shrugs, says that I am being controlling by not letting him spend time with his family over Xmas and basically ignores everything I say to him about it

OP posts:
imalreadygone · 30/12/2022 22:34

I think he should have taken the kids by himself and not got smashed so he could look after them.

How ill do you have to be before he will step up?

Afl · 30/12/2022 22:36

imalreadygone · 30/12/2022 22:34

I think he should have taken the kids by himself and not got smashed so he could look after them.

How ill do you have to be before he will step up?

Hospitalised probably. I have been having around 3 hours sleep and none in the day so I am pretty much running on empty.
He just makes out that I am faking it or putting it on so I get out of looking after the children (I have done all that I would normally do for them)

imalreadygone · 30/12/2022 22:38

Afl · 30/12/2022 22:36

Hospitalised probably. I have been having around 3 hours sleep and none in the day so I am pretty much running on empty.
He just makes out that I am faking it or putting it on so I get out of looking after the children (I have done all that I would normally do for them)

Show quote history

So would he actually be more help to you if he saw the children every other weekend?

OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 30/12/2022 22:38

Aquamarine1029 · 30/12/2022 22:29

I'll never understand why women have children and marry these twats.

Get rid.

Well said!

imalreadygone · 30/12/2022 22:39

Ps I think you might have had a name change fail or I've just lost track of things a bit?

Original poster
Imysmc · 30/12/2022 22:44

imalreadygone · 30/12/2022 22:39

Ps I think you might have had a name change fail or I've just lost track of things a bit?

Name change fail, never mind 😅

OP posts:
brusselspout · 30/12/2022 22:45

Erm. I have mixed feelings.
If my DH wanted me to leave my family's Xmas night party at 9pm I absolutely would not. And he got up at 10:30, the time you would normally leave, so could he not quickly get dressed and you be on your way by 11?
You shouldn't have gone to the other party as you weren't well enough and yet again you want to leave one of his family functions early.

What is he like normally? Does he usually pull his weight with the kids? Would he have taken them to the NYE party without you? That would've been the best option really

Hope you feel better soon

pigonalipstick · 30/12/2022 22:46

Why did you go to a party that sick?! What about the other guests you've just exposed it to?

Regularsizedrudy · 30/12/2022 22:47

Oh my god what is the point of him. Of course you’re not being unreasonable, you know you’re not. Just get rid. Why choose to live like this?

Original poster
Imysmc · 30/12/2022 22:50

brusselspout · 30/12/2022 22:45

Erm. I have mixed feelings.
If my DH wanted me to leave my family's Xmas night party at 9pm I absolutely would not. And he got up at 10:30, the time you would normally leave, so could he not quickly get dressed and you be on your way by 11?
You shouldn't have gone to the other party as you weren't well enough and yet again you want to leave one of his family functions early.

What is he like normally? Does he usually pull his weight with the kids? Would he have taken them to the NYE party without you? That would've been the best option really

Hope you feel better soon

Ah fair enough. I am the only one that drives and I don't drink alcohol so I think when we are at functions, be it mine of DH's there is that expectation that I'll look after the children because I don't drink and I will drive them home.
Normally this party we would stay over at his mum's house but she has others staying so we couldn't. So it's not like I normally rush home and leave early.
He would not have taken them on his own no, if he had he would have bought them home really late as he doesn't really believe in bedtimes and says I suck the fun out of everything by being the parent with a bit of structure

OP posts:
Afl · 30/12/2022 22:52

pigonalipstick · 30/12/2022 22:46

Why did you go to a party that sick?! What about the other guests you've just exposed it to?

Like I said, it was all family that were there and they don't have an issue with someone being sick in their company.
Not once through covid did they stick to the rules, they were all meeting up every Friday at an eldery relatives house 🤦‍♀️

FoodieToo · 30/12/2022 22:53

Leave him because he enjoyed a night over Christmas with his family and was up and ready to leave by 11am the next day ?? Really ???

WordtoYoMumma · 30/12/2022 22:54

He sounds like an enormous bell end

inappropriateraspberry · 30/12/2022 22:56

I wouldn't have gone if I was ill, and a half decent DH would offer to take the children with him to give you some quiet and rest.
Does he ever think about how you are feeling, physically or emotionally?

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