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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a reasonable request?

39 replies

Imysmc · 30/12/2022 22:24

DH's family always host a Christmas Day evening party.
We have 2 children (8 and 2) and on Boxing Day we go to my familys in the morning, they live approx. 30 miles away.
Went to the Christmas Day evening party as usual, bear in mind the children had been up really early excited for their presents. I suggested to DH we leave around half 9 to get the children to bed. He didn't want to leave, fine, told me he'd be home in around an hour. I took the children home and put them in bed.
DH didn't come home til around 1230am, knwoing we needed to be up the next morning ready to see my family.
He didn't get up til 1030am which is the time we normally leave. I took the children and went on my own with them.
Between Boxing Day and today I have caught this dreaded bug virus thing and I have literally been throwing up and had next to no sleep as my cough and fever is so bad. I have been up out of bed and done all the usual things I'd do, mind over matter and all that.
So this evening DH mother has held a little pre NYE party at her house. I told DH I'd go for an hour (fully aware I am still poorly, they really don't mind people around them that are ill otherwise I wouldn't have gone)
We got there around 6pm.
Not long after we arrived I had a coughing fit and went to be sick in the bathroom.
Fast forward to 900pm, I tell DH that I am going home as I am ready for bed and so are the children. He then started getting moody and pulling a face.
I said I am finding it difficult to look after myself right now let alone the children and could he possibly come home with me.
He wanted to stay and carry on drinking, letting his mum drive him home later on.
Huffing and puffing he reluctantly came home with me and since then he has been making little digs, pulling faces at me and just being arsey in general. Telling me I ruin his fun.
AIBU asking him to come home with me? He certainly feels like I have been.

OP posts:
Regularsizedrudy · 30/12/2022 22:57

FoodieToo · 30/12/2022 22:53

Leave him because he enjoyed a night over Christmas with his family and was up and ready to leave by 11am the next day ?? Really ???

Or because he doesn’t look after his own kids and is treating his sick wife like shit accusing her of making it up but hey ho, each to their own. It’s not a relationship I’d want to be in.

inappropriateraspberry · 30/12/2022 22:57

I wouldn't be too worried about bedtimes in the holidays, but would make it clear he would have to deal with them the next day when they're grumpy!

pandwa · 30/12/2022 23:00

I think you should've put your foot down and not gone to the nye party as you were ill and he either could've stayed home or took the kids, one late night wouldn't hurt them to be honest !

Lauraa7 · 30/12/2022 23:01

Can I ask why he doesn’t drive? Of all the husbands of friends who don’t drive, it always seems like the wives do everything

PeekAtYou · 30/12/2022 23:03

He thinks you're uptight about bedtimes because he doesn't know the repercussions of changing the timing. If he had to get up at night because the kids are overtired or had been sick from too many sweets and pop then been in charge of crabby kids the next day, he may realise that you're not being a party pooper.

Original poster
Imysmc · 30/12/2022 23:03

Lauraa7 · 30/12/2022 23:01

Can I ask why he doesn’t drive? Of all the husbands of friends who don’t drive, it always seems like the wives do everything

Honestly? I don't know.
I have been asking him for 3 years to start driving and he just has no desire to.
I am sick and tired of doing all the driving and running about but thats a completely different issue

OP posts:
templesit · 30/12/2022 23:08

Op why would he learn to drive when he has a 24/7 taxi?
If he drives he may have to take responsibility sometimes, he won't want that.

3487642l · 30/12/2022 23:10

He accuses you of being controlling to shut you down and make sure you keep striving to avoid being criticized for not looking after the children. He makes you do the driving because it is about you catering to his needs. He won't care for the children when you are sick. The more you share the more evident it is there are problems in the dynamic of your marriage/arrangement.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/12/2022 23:14

He sounds an absolute dickhead. If he thinks this way I can’t imagine him getting any better.

Original poster
Imysmc · 31/12/2022 09:48

3 hours sleep last night, coughing up blood and being sick.
Had to unblock our main bathroom toilet this morning and then my youngest started having a coughing fit. Obviously he didn't get up to help me with either, just lay in bed on his phone 🙃

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 31/12/2022 09:55

He is a selfish prick.

I’ve been ill over Christmas. DH has taken on more of the load. Not because he’s a natural nurse but because he loves me and our kids.

DelphiniumBlue · 31/12/2022 10:00

The trouble is that if you look like you are coping, then he will think you can indeed cope. If you were so sick you were throwing up, why weren’t you in bed?
Whilst he is coming across as a bit selfish, it is Christmas and not unreasonable for him to want to party late. And he did get up to go to your parents, so it’s not all bad.
Next time, stay in bed if you are ill. And plan ahead, if you know DC will be tired, plan for an afternoon nap, or you could put them to bed at PiLs, even if they have a full house- they could go down on their bed till you are ready to go. If you are leaving early because you are not enjoying it, that’s different. I know it’s not always fun when everyone else is getting drunk around you!

FloydPepper · 31/12/2022 10:18

FoodieToo · 30/12/2022 22:53

Leave him because he enjoyed a night over Christmas with his family and was up and ready to leave by 11am the next day ?? Really ???

in mumsnet world, yes.

FloydPepper · 31/12/2022 10:19

Imysmc · 31/12/2022 09:48

3 hours sleep last night, coughing up blood and being sick.
Had to unblock our main bathroom toilet this morning and then my youngest started having a coughing fit. Obviously he didn't get up to help me with either, just lay in bed on his phone 🙃

However…

forstly this sounds serious and I’d be seeking medical help

secondly, he is being a dick now

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