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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Accused and patronised

37 replies

refuge123 · 30/12/2022 17:58

I've had a tough past month. I was meant to be having a relaxing evening but have become quite alarmed. I've had a walk since then but am still feeling on edge. I may be over reacting?
I am in temporary accomodation. Support workers contacted a charity for me that gives away free things to people in situations like mine. I've never used it before. I decided to have a look at their facebook page myself, and contacted them at about 20 mins to 9 at night to explain my situation and ask for some things. I wasnt under any impression that they would reply until the morning but they replied.
My support workers visited today, to accuse me of contacting them late at night, sending them many messages, (we were having a conversation?! - and if they didnt want to speak at night they didnt have to be logged in) and without going into detail, accused me of leaving mean messages on their facebook page about a particular volunteer being useless etc who is now upset. I havent left mean comments on anyones facebook page, I havent left any comments on their facebook page at all actually. The volunteer has accused me specifically. So they would have had to match up the comment to my account which was impossible. They are aware of my vulnerable situation and it feels malicious. Even whilst taking out my phone to try and show them, which they refused to see multiple times, the support workers continued trying to lecture me on remembering to be nice and wary of the things I say. I've been nothing but polite to everyone I've had interactions with.

OP posts:
ChefsSalad · 30/12/2022 18:05

I'm going to put this as nicely as possible, but this is your (at least) 3rd thread in the last couple of days with people, for no reason whatsoever, being awful to you. In at least 2 cases they could lose their jobs for the behaviour you have described. Are you getting support for your trauma and mental health?

Tiggal · 30/12/2022 18:07

@ChefsSalad has hit the nail on the head

Original poster
refuge123 · 30/12/2022 18:08

ChefsSalad · 30/12/2022 18:05

I'm going to put this as nicely as possible, but this is your (at least) 3rd thread in the last couple of days with people, for no reason whatsoever, being awful to you. In at least 2 cases they could lose their jobs for the behaviour you have described. Are you getting support for your trauma and mental health?

I thought that it was sackable. I feel like I've got awful luck. Unfortunately almost everyone I'm having dealings with are off until jan so I've been getting no support for my mental health or trauma.

OP posts:
Original poster
refuge123 · 30/12/2022 18:10

ChefsSalad · 30/12/2022 18:05

I'm going to put this as nicely as possible, but this is your (at least) 3rd thread in the last couple of days with people, for no reason whatsoever, being awful to you. In at least 2 cases they could lose their jobs for the behaviour you have described. Are you getting support for your trauma and mental health?

That reminds me, one of the support workers suggested the samaritans. But thats about as far as it goes for now I think.

OP posts:
Wdib78 · 30/12/2022 18:10

ChefsSalad · 30/12/2022 18:05

I'm going to put this as nicely as possible, but this is your (at least) 3rd thread in the last couple of days with people, for no reason whatsoever, being awful to you. In at least 2 cases they could lose their jobs for the behaviour you have described. Are you getting support for your trauma and mental health?

I count 9

Flamingogirl08 · 30/12/2022 18:11

Are you the person who posted about the Jobcentre? Are these really situations? I think you may need more support than you're receiving

Original poster
refuge123 · 30/12/2022 18:12

Wdib78 · 30/12/2022 18:10

I count 9

Show quote history

Youre making me uncomfortable counting the number of threads I've made with no other comment? If youre not going to be supportive please leave. I have very little help.

OP posts:
Original poster
refuge123 · 30/12/2022 18:16

Flamingogirl08 · 30/12/2022 18:11

Are you the person who posted about the Jobcentre? Are these really situations? I think you may need more support than you're receiving

Yes I was. The workers at the womens centre are meant to be helping me, but theyll be back in jan. I've got no idea who I'm meant to be speaking to or if I've just got to wait.

OP posts:
DuplicateUserName · 30/12/2022 18:18

You need to change your FB password then, because if you didn't leave the comments it means you've been hacked.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/12/2022 18:20

DuplicateUserName · 30/12/2022 18:18

You need to change your FB password then, because if you didn't leave the comments it means you've been hacked.

By the ex, most likely.

imalreadygone · 30/12/2022 18:24

Definitely change your password.

Rogue1001MNer · 30/12/2022 18:25

Gently and kindly, if pps are correct, I'm not sure MN used the right place for you at the moment.

Especially AIBU, which can be very harsh

💐 for you, and I hope you get the RL support you need

Pootle22 · 30/12/2022 18:30

Hi OP. I don't understand why these people aren't willing to look at your phone and see proof that you did not do this. Is there anyone you can complain to - recommended being logical and business like and leaving feelings out of it, just stick to the facts.

I haven't seen your other threads. Are you well? Is there any way you might have done things and have no memory of it? I have a friend with severe split personality disorder and always believed her side of events until I saw with my own eyes her do something and have absolutely no memory of it. I have all the sympathy in the world for her on this.

sixfingergoon · 30/12/2022 18:36

I think you should step off MN for now op.

Are you getting any mental health support in real life? You seem to be coming into conflict with lots of different people and services recently.

MichelleScarn · 30/12/2022 18:41

refuge123 · 30/12/2022 18:12

Youre making me uncomfortable counting the number of threads I've made with no other comment? If youre not going to be supportive please leave. I have very little help.

Show quote history

You're being offered lots of help on here in all your threads, but you don't seem to respond to the help? Just start new threads with more issues and complaints!

Original poster
refuge123 · 30/12/2022 18:45

MichelleScarn · 30/12/2022 18:41

You're being offered lots of help on here in all your threads, but you don't seem to respond to the help? Just start new threads with more issues and complaints!

Show quote history

I am still processing everything. I've been going through too much at once. I don't like your tone.

OP posts:
Original poster
refuge123 · 30/12/2022 18:50

Pootle22 · 30/12/2022 18:30

Hi OP. I don't understand why these people aren't willing to look at your phone and see proof that you did not do this. Is there anyone you can complain to - recommended being logical and business like and leaving feelings out of it, just stick to the facts.

I haven't seen your other threads. Are you well? Is there any way you might have done things and have no memory of it? I have a friend with severe split personality disorder and always believed her side of events until I saw with my own eyes her do something and have absolutely no memory of it. I have all the sympathy in the world for her on this.

I wondered that too. I asked them multiple times if they wanted to see. I've got no idea who I would complain to these people are meant to be helping me. I've had one bad experience after another etc etc. I've been going through a lot, my mental health is suffetring and my other threads are about leaving abuse and the unpleasent experiences I've had then and since. I havent done anything out of order, I definitely dont have split personality disorder.

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 30/12/2022 18:51

Hi OP. (Not sure if I’ve read any previous threads, but I recall one about a womens shelter and feeling uneasy).

Hang in OP, it’s almost January. So that means there will be support workers available soon.

I agree with previous posts, please change your Facebook password ASAP.

I would even create a new email address. It’s quick and free. Then link it to your Facebook profile and remove the old email.

That means if it is the ex or someone else that have hacked you, then they’ll find it harder to get back in.

Are you able to visit any local food banks where you can get some items? Then you’re avoiding any social media and miscommunication.

Also, you state you have some trauma. Are you register with a GP? Are they aware of what’s happening and your current mental health state?

The Samaritans are really good shout. You can just talk, rant and cry to someone, instead of typing on here when things can get misconstrued.

Minimalme · 30/12/2022 19:06

Most of this is likely to be down to differences in opinion.

For example - contacting the FB page host late at night. Well, you did, but you didn't think they would reply until morning.

  1. Sending lots of messages - you admit you did send lots of message because it was part of a 'conversation'.
  1. Leaving abusive messages - you have left messages but don't view them as abusive.

What you do know is that these people viewed your communication as harassment.

I think you need to accept that the way you view your communications isn't the way they are being received.

Original poster
refuge123 · 30/12/2022 19:15

Minimalme · 30/12/2022 19:06

Most of this is likely to be down to differences in opinion.

For example - contacting the FB page host late at night. Well, you did, but you didn't think they would reply until morning.

  1. Sending lots of messages - you admit you did send lots of message because it was part of a 'conversation'.
  1. Leaving abusive messages - you have left messages but don't view them as abusive.

What you do know is that these people viewed your communication as harassment.

I think you need to accept that the way you view your communications isn't the way they are being received.

They specified i had left comments on their page and used certain words and phrases that I didnt use. All I did was ask for things in messages directly to them with no mention of anyone being useless for example.
It's unlikely I was hacked as I was already using a different facebook account to the one my ex knows me by.

OP posts:
MichelleScarn · 30/12/2022 19:17

So are the comments there for you to see?

DuplicateUserName · 30/12/2022 21:18

I'm confused now OP.

Have they screen shotted the comments and actually shown you?

They need to prove it came from either your account or a copycat one.

Rogue1001MNer · 30/12/2022 22:21

The OP won't be returning to this thread if recent threads are anything to go by.

But they'll start another

Original poster
refuge123 · 31/12/2022 00:55

They didnt show me anything and theres nothing I can see posted from my account.
They are going off the gossipy word of the volunteer.
I asked why she hadnt spoken to my directly when shes got my facebook and they said shes too polite.
Too polite to not gossip about me everywhere..
The volunteer has been speaking to people about it and is upset.
The workers have told me they themselves have spoken to about 9 people about what I've said before they even told me what was going on.
No one has actually seen anything.
It all feels very malicious. I feel like leaving a message up on the page but dont want to give the person anything more to work with

OP posts:
Rogue1001MNer · 31/12/2022 01:11

Oh god!

Definitely don't post on the fb page.

You'll be adding more fuel to the fire