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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Very thin walls and sound annoying neighbour.

52 replies

Cactuses3580 · 30/12/2022 16:54

Hi

I live alone and have just bought a cheap semi-detached house that I own (mortgage) on my own in a cheap area which was built in 1950s. The house next door is owned by neighbours in their 50s with no mortgage. Before I bought the house, the previous owner was very old and sold it when they turned 71.

They've complained at me for noise a few times. The first time I was playing xbox during an evening and they could hear me talk on the headset and I admittedly shouted a couple of times when on headset with my friends. The second time they complained I had 2 friends around, we didn't have any music on or anything like that, we we playing board games and talking and having a few beers and pizzas etc. They told me they like to go to bed at about 9-10pm, but I like to go to bed quite late like 2-3am sometimes of a weekend. The second time they complained we were only talking and I don't think we were being noisy. They don't have any children.

The wall on my living room must be very thin as if I sit quietly with nothing switched on at all I can hear them talking, when they switch their microwave on, when they talk and I think I can even hear when they turn a tap on. I've never moaned at them for anything.

I know there is a cost of living crisis that is affecting everyone like me but it's my belief that if you own a house you are responsible for maintaining/upgrading it. Whilst I will try to be considerate I think they should pay to have soundproofing put up if it bothers them that much? They've lived there for over 10 years more than I have, I've only lived there a few years.

Am I being unreasonable?
Vote I'm being unreasonable if you think I'm wrong or vote I'm being reasonable if I should just ignore them.

OP posts:
Leftoverpizzaforbreakfast · 30/12/2022 16:55

I need to know how you know they don’t have a mortgage?

MintJulia · 30/12/2022 17:00

I thought they were being unreasonable until you said 2-3am. Sorry but if you live in close quarters to your neighbours, it's basic courtesy to be quiet after midnight.

The occasional party, when you give them advance warning (and invite them) is ok, but not regularly. People need to sleep.

Fladdermus · 30/12/2022 17:01

Some people expect their neighbours to be silent. They're fools who need to go and live in the middle of field somewhere.

Afterfire · 30/12/2022 17:06

Could you move your gaming / socialising to the other side of the house if you’re in a semi? Not sure if that’s possible but would solve a lot of hassle if you could.

I can see both sides to this. I mean if you’re not having wild parties every night and it’s just the odd social thing then that’s reasonable and they’ll just have to put up with it - but - I’m in my 40s with health issues and I need my sleep and like to go to bed at 10ish so if someone was regularly stopping that happening I’d be very stressed - and I can’t sleep wearing earplugs etc.

ShakespearesBlister · 30/12/2022 17:06

The wall on my living room must be very thin as if I sit quietly with nothing switched on at all I can hear them talking, when they switch their microwave on, when they talk and I think I can even hear when they turn a tap on. I've never moaned at them for anything.

Maybe you need to moan at them then? Tell them all of those things that you can hear from their house so that they understand it isn't just them who can hear their neighbours. Maybe they don't realise the paper this wall is a two way thing?

ShakespearesBlister · 30/12/2022 17:07

Thin

ProfYaffle · 30/12/2022 17:10

I think it would be reasonable for you to keep it down after midnight and to make an effort to move noisy activity to the other side of the house if possible.

I think it would be reasonable of them to understand they have to tolerate normal neighbour living noise.

Original poster
Cactuses3580 · 30/12/2022 17:56

Ok any other advice

Says 58% have voted I'm being unreasonable thanks

OP posts:
Sonyjasutton · 30/12/2022 17:57

I had this with an awful neighbour. Older woman living alone and never left the house, would complain about hearing us going up and down the stairs and opening our front door. Really silly things we couldn’t avoid. So she started being nasty and would bang on the bedroom walls overnight to wake us. It’s best to nip it in the bud before it gets spiteful and tit for tat. Keep a record of noises you hear and let her know that you also hear things from their side, sometimes it is just poor building and not unreasonable noise but consider the time of the noise you’re making to avoid a dispute. You’re entitled to have friends over without whispering and tip toeing. The world cannot be silent for one household.

Original poster
Cactuses3580 · 30/12/2022 18:11

53% says I'm being unreasonable and 47% says I'm being reasonable on the voting guess I just have to be considerate not sure what think

OP posts:
maddy68 · 30/12/2022 18:16

Some homes are poorly insulated. Put some soft furnishings wall hangings or rugs and curtaina. They dampen sounds. I would hate to know that my neighbour can hear EVERYTHING 🙈.

It's in your own interest to sound proof your side as best as you can

Fladdermus · 30/12/2022 18:17

I'm guessing the split is down to your comment on staying up to 3.00 am. Are they complaining about noise before 11.00 or the 3.00 am noise?

beginia · 30/12/2022 18:22

I have awful neighbours and I think you sound far preferable. Though probably not any shouting at 2-3 am! I'd switch to headphones after 11pm or move to a non adjoining room.

Otherwise they are being unreasonable.

Oohahhalittlebitmore · 30/12/2022 18:23

I lived in a semi with very thin walls. I couldn’t go to bed until after they turned their tv off. I could even hear it with earplugs in!
I used to watch tv with my volume on low and subtitles in in the hope if I was really quiet they would be more considerate. They weren’t. It made me I’ll.

The general every day sounds of toilet flushing, coughing, putting cutlery on the table I was fine with, but not being able to sleep when you are tired is torture.

2-3am is beyond inconsiderate.

TheCraicDealer · 30/12/2022 18:34

I’m conjuring up an image of a FTB with a sparsely furnished new home- is that close to the truth? Houses with bare floors and bare walls are noisy, even for the people next door. If you don’t already, I would get plenty of rugs and explore trying to cushion the noise with soft furnishings before you spend £££ on disruptive soundproofing works which may not be needed. There are also panels you can buy which look like art which absorb some noise; these could be handy for the oarty walls. You will always get some noise from next door but in my experience 1950’s semis aren’t terrible for noise.

If you regularly spent late nights on Xbox then I would consider moving the console into the box room (usually the furthest side of the house from your neighbours) just so you don’t feel you need to moderate your use or volume.

tryingtodobetter1 · 30/12/2022 18:34

I don't think it matters what time you go to bed as long as you aren't being particularly noisy. Normal living noises eg watching TV etc and playing games (if there aren't loud screaming at time) is completely fine.

Bepis · 30/12/2022 18:41

I think you should just make sure you are considerate and if you have friends over and are up until 3am, make sure you are all talking quietly. I wouldn't be impressed if my neighbours were being loud at 3am

kingtamponthefurred · 30/12/2022 18:41

if you live in a house which shares walls with another house, you are bound to hear something from your neighbours and vice versa, but shouting in the middle of the night is definitely antisocial.

Hoardasurass · 30/12/2022 18:42

I would say I was with you until you mentioned the xbox and screaming down your headset as I've a selfish neighbour who does that all the time until 3-4 am and it's hell as for staying up until 2-3am and being loud enough to disturb your neighbours is just nasty

m95 · 30/12/2022 18:46

Sounds like they are just oversensitive to noise. Maybe just try not to shout after 10pm or so.

BloodAndFire · 30/12/2022 18:49

How do you know they have no mortgage? Why is it relevant?

the previous owner was very old and sold it when they turned 71.

This is such a bizarre thing to write

CocoLux · 30/12/2022 18:51

The mortgage situation is irrelevant. 3am is too late. Stop shouting too.

Bepis · 30/12/2022 18:51

m95 · 30/12/2022 18:46

Sounds like they are just oversensitive to noise. Maybe just try not to shout after 10pm or so.

Having had experience living next door to people who kept me awake all night, it is a horrendous thing to go through. It can actually feel like torture as you become sleep deprived.

Flossflower · 30/12/2022 18:58

YABU: 71 is not very old

Lifeomars · 30/12/2022 19:00

i live in an end terrace and the family on the side I am attached to have two very young children and of course I hear them and I do quite like this, is is nice to hear laughter and little ones running around. I am also considerate and turn my TV down after around 8pm when the little ones have gone to bed. I also would never hoover early or late out of consideration for next door. The house on the other side, not attached to me and across the communal entry is a whole different story, they are so loud that I can hear them shouting even at this time of year when all the doors and windows are closed. They are incapable of having a conversation without yelling, they have loads of visitors who all yell too (it is cultural I think) .They do not speak English and I have had to mime putting my fingers in my ears and making shusing gestures but all to no avail. Last Summer was hell, and I am dreading the warmer weather as the noise will go stratospheric. I totally understand that living in small houses close to each other will mean there is noise and I think we all should think about the effect of our behaviour on our neighbours . I would not be making a noise regularly in the early hours of the morning and I would keep things quiet after about 9pm unless it was the weekend and in this instance I would inform neighbours if there was going to be extra noise. Persistently noisy neighbours who do nothing to moderate their behaviour are hell to live alongside of