Very thin walls and sound annoying neighbour.

[Cactuses3580]

Hi

I live alone and have just bought a cheap semi-detached house that I own (mortgage) on my own in a cheap area which was built in 1950s. The house next door is owned by neighbours in their 50s with no mortgage. Before I bought the house, the previous owner was very old and sold it when they turned 71.

They've complained at me for noise a few times. The first time I was playing xbox during an evening and they could hear me talk on the headset and I admittedly shouted a couple of times when on headset with my friends. The second time they complained I had 2 friends around, we didn't have any music on or anything like that, we we playing board games and talking and having a few beers and pizzas etc. They told me they like to go to bed at about 9-10pm, but I like to go to bed quite late like 2-3am sometimes of a weekend. The second time they complained we were only talking and I don't think we were being noisy. They don't have any children.

The wall on my living room must be very thin as if I sit quietly with nothing switched on at all I can hear them talking, when they switch their microwave on, when they talk and I think I can even hear when they turn a tap on. I've never moaned at them for anything.

I know there is a cost of living crisis that is affecting everyone like me but it's my belief that if you own a house you are responsible for maintaining/upgrading it. Whilst I will try to be considerate I think they should pay to have soundproofing put up if it bothers them that much? They've lived there for over 10 years more than I have, I've only lived there a few years.

Am I being unreasonable?
Vote I'm being unreasonable if you think I'm wrong or vote I'm being reasonable if I should just ignore them.

Would you and your neighbours be up for a friendly chat over a cuppa - if it’s not too late?

• you can be concilatory and say, “yes, being loud at 1 a.m. was unsociable of me so I will keep it down in future”
• also I have moved my X-Box to a differnt part of the house to see if it helps with the noise…can you let me know…
• but I think we both have incredibly thin walls between us, do you think there is anything we can do to help each other?
• you probably aren’t aware that I hear noise from your house, the microwave, the tap etc, normal household sounds - I can hear it all
• can we work together to try and improve things between us?

If you continue disturbing them regularly beyond midnight….you might suffer their vacuum cleaner next to your bedroom wall at 6 a.m.

(The above would be my own dream resolution for my own case that I have been struggling similarly with…)

Hmm. I may be wrong, but I'm getting minimising vibes here. I'm not the quietest person by any stretch but you sound like you're making particular kinds of noise that would be jarring for anyone. Sudden screaming at a game is not just normal background noise; it makes people jump and react, every time. I also feel like gamers often have little idea how loud they're actually being. I live near a person who does this, and they're not even next to my shared wall, but the sound is so loud and so irritating. He has no idea he's doing it.

YANBU to want to simply live. Complaining about a couple of friends being over is OTT. If they prefer silence then they should move to a detached.

Depends how often it's happening and at what times.

thanks voting at 51% being unreasonable 49% reasonable

They can hear you & it’s disturbing them, so you should make an effort to be quieter. You don’t need to be shouting on your Xbox do you?

I would definitely use headphones, ut the volume down or move to a non adjoining room when they're trying to sleep. You are of course entitled to have friends round and chat to them. Maybe you could give them advance warning if it's going to be a late party or particularly loud but a few friends for some board games shouldn't need that.

@FrownedUpon I kind of do when getting attacked in the game and need to tell my teammates

Why do you need to shout though? Can't you just talk at a normal volume?

I think that gamers often don't realise how loud they are, especially when they can't hear ambient sounds because they're wearing headphones. My DNiece sounds incredibly loud, and I can hear my friend's son shouting from the room above when I'm talking to friend on the phone. I also once had a client who was at risk of eviction because of her son's loud gaming late at night.

I think making that sort of racket after about 11 is anti-social, tbh. I certainly wouldn't like being able to hear other people's conversations into the early hours on a regular basis. If it's an occasional one-off, that's not so bad.

I live in a semi with party walls that seem to function like a speaker cabinet. I can hear my neighbours clearly, but we both turn our tv's down low if we're still watching beyond elevenish.

They very irritatingly run a lot of hot water in the early hours of the morning (2-4 am) though, and their hot water tank is just the other side of the party wall, and where the dividing walls between front and back bedrooms meet, so no respite to be had from moving into the back bedroom. It sounds like gushing water right by my head, and goes on for a couple of hours. I think they must be running a dishwasher or washing machine, and it really disturbs my sleep. I'm going to have to ask them politely if they'd stop, I think.

Have a look at the acoustic boarding, some of it’s really nice. There’s also sound proofing plasterboard that isn’t a lot.

your presumably going to be neighbours for a long time, it’s better to get on with these people. At least make an attempt to either sound proof or slightly alter your behaviour.

I have a sneaky feeling you’re not as quiet as you think you are.

You think you need to do that at 2am?

not sure why you keep giving us voting updates as though you are covering an election for the bbc - we can all see the results ourselves and really what does it matter? If 51% of mn agree you are unreasonable are you going to stop making noise?

I would say you're fine to make the level of noise you are up until 11pm - 9pm is very early for adults to go to bed and they can't expect you to be silent from then. If they can only sleep in complete silence and want to sleep early then thats a problem for them to manage, either with soundproofing, earplugs, white noise etc. I'd mention to them you can hear everything they do, so it's a case of thin walls rather than you being particularly noisy.

They've clearly got used to having a very quiet neighbour and forgotten what normal noise is like - I found the same when I went from quiet neighbour - empty property for a few months - very loud family in my semi. It's hard to work out what is normal neighbour noise and what's excessive.

Even after 11pm it would be fine for you to talk quietly either over xbox or to friends in your house, but you must understand it must be unpleasant to be drifting off to sleep when suddenly someone screams "FUCK I'VE BEEN SHOT!" at the top of their lungs????

My teens also like to stay up late talking or watch tv (ie into the early hours) and it is disruptive to our sleep to hear them.

Anything before 11pm is fair game, but I do think you should be mindful of noise after that time.

Others have suggested moving rooms if possible - if not, can you move your things so the TV isn't on or near the joining wall?

Staying up until 2/3am is anti social when you know your neighbours can hear you.

@latetothefisting 😆😆😆😆 at “election updates”

I am wondering this too.

How often is this happening op? You’ve not really answered that anywhere. Once a week / a month / several times a week??? Whether you’re being unreasonable really depends on how often you’re doing these things .

YABU on many things; to say 71 is very old and also, if you can hear them turning on a tap etc, can you imagine how loud it is for them when you’re gaming in the middle of the night and shouting?

Gamers are never as quiet as they think they are and I think you sound incredibly inconsiderate and selfish to think they should soundproof their house when you’re the one making the most noise at antisocial hours

It’s reasonable to be able to play video games and board games, but not reasonable to have it till 2-3am. I would think you need to stop by 11pm.

OP, 'paying for soundproofing' isn't really a thing. So you're unreasonable to think it's their problem to fix. We looked into it when we lived in a flat as a friend was in the field, think acoustic engineer. Basically you can improve how something sounds in a room (eg echo, playing music etc) quite easily. However when it comes to sound proofing, essentially you have to plug all the gaps. Think of it like as though you're trying to keep out a strong smell, it doesn't matter if you overboard some of the room, if you've got any weak spots it comes through. Houses weren't built with sound proofing in mind; retroactively trying to sound proof them doesn't work. You can to some extent muffle sound with things like heavy rugs and wall hangings, but while that would dampen some sound, it certainly wouldn't have much effect on shouting/human voices (due to the frequency, and that our brains are evolved to tune into voices, whereas other sounds, such as traffic hum, we can more easily ignore)

You need to keep your noise to social hours only, which legally is 11pm though many people would see noise past 10pm as anti social unless it was a special occasion.

I am tempted to vote yabu for describing a 71-year-old as very old. If the walls are very thin then making any sort of noise at 2-3 am is extremely inconsiderate. As has been suggested, you could go to the other side of the house.

@Proteinpudding
Piano teacher friend of mine had a room soundproofed, in their semi detached, but that's probably quite a different thing and it was very expensive.

@beginia it will depend on the property - some will be more suitable than others - but in our case we were told it would run into five figures, make the room significantly smaller and still not be guaranteed of success! I just wanted to get across that its not as simple as 'if they want quiet they should pay for soundproofing'. It's rarely feasible to retroactively fit it.

Thought this too. If 71 is very old wonder what they think 90 is

You probably have no idea how loud you're being with your damn headphones on arguing over a stupid game with your avatar friends 🙄