AIBU to be pissed off at this

[letsgetamoveon]

Dd turned 8 recently and have just come across a post on Facebook from her dads girlfriend saying 'we are so proud of our daughter'

Done a bit more digging and there are lots of photos on her Facebook of my dd with captions of 'our beautiful daughter' 'my girls (this one includes her dd).

AIBU to feel pissed off that she is making out that my DD belongs to her, or am I just being tetchy???

How long have they been dating?

I wouldn’t be too annoyed, anyone who sees it will think she’s being a bit weird unless they’re the primary carers for DD.

What’s the background?

If they’ve not been together very long then it’s odd but not harmful. Otherwise, it’s perfectly fine. Much better this way than the alternative where your DD is lesser to the GF’s and excluded.

She can't win. So many people say stepmums should treat the kids "like their own" but when they do they get a bollocking.

Can't lie that would piss me right off but then on the other hand it must be nice for your DD to be so included in their family. My step mother made it quite clear we weren't family and weren't welcome in their home so at least she doesn't have to go through that. Your DD knows who her mum is, take the high road x

Your DD doesn’t “belong” to anyone - she’s not a toy.

Better your dd is included and loved tbh it wouldn’t bother be

unless you drop feed they’ve been together a few weeks then I’d say yanbu

Fuck THAT. Only positive like others say is that they get along. Still ridiculous of her to say that though. Should probably just refer to her by name.

Totally understand why you feel uncomfortable with this, but frankly it just makes her apart a bit odd if they've not been together long and, like PPs have said, better this than being excluded. I don't think I'd like it off my ex's gf did this, but it is very much a 'you' (us, as their mums?) problem and not something you need to address unless she oversteps in practical ways (as in other that's I've read where the step mum had attended parents evening or taken the child to get ears pierced etc)

*appear, not apart

That is a bit odd unless she has been in the kids life since very young?

She shouldn't be using the word daughter, especially if she isnt married to your ex (I.e. not actually her step-daughter). Its nice that she includes DD but that language would really annoy me

If it comes from a place of genuine love and affection I’d be ok with it - the more people who truly love my children the better.

Context is the key here for me.

If it's just an easy way to say what they want from both of them, she has proper boundaries with DD and treats her equally to her DD when there is have no issue tbh.

"Happy birthday to the daughter of my boyfriend - we are both so proud of you" just is long winded and unnecessary when nearly everyone on FB who will see the posy knows that's the situation anyway!

No I'd be absolutely apoplectic at this. Why is nobody considering how confusing this must be for the child? How do you think she will feel when she grows up and sees that?

OP it was definitely said in the hole that you'd see it. Disgraceful

*hope

It’s a bit weird.

This.

As a step mum I wouldn't think or do this but you can't deny that most of MN would be fuming that a SM doesn't see her SC as her own child. Maybe something for those people to think about when that comes up on other threads.

She may be driving it herself, or she may feel that she can't NOT describe her as her DD without people judging her, or she might be under pressure from your ex to see things that way, that's also common.

Yanbu, that would really annoy me as it’s just my true. However as many pp say better she is loved and included than not - as long as she is ok with it and you are happy for your daughter to be featured on social media.

It's hard when it first happens, but assuming she's doing it with good intentions and is genuinely praising your DD, I would just roll your eyes and let her get on with it.

I remember it really grated having this random woman I barely knew seemingly taking credit for my parenting as if she had raised my DC when she'd only just appeared on the scene (from my perspective, at least). But in the long run, the more people who love my DC and are there for them, the better (even if they do sound utterly silly on social media...).

But it's not her child? Its OK "treating them as they are yours" (whatever that means) but you can't just lay claim to someone else's child my friend has a blended family she always says "happy birthday to the best step daughter in the world" or happy Christmas to my bonus children see you later etc etc she treats them just the same as hers but keeps a distance because she is not their mother

I'd be pissed off too. She is not your DD's mother, and your DD is not her daughter.

Do you really not see how that is an oxymoron? Yes, you can treat your step kids the same as your own in that you can buy them the same things, give them the same snacks etc, enforce the same house rules. But you cannot post as a step parent on MN without someone telling you you should see them as your own children and love them exactly like your own. Impossible when you are "keeping your distance" as you're not their mum.

Don't get me wrong, I'm with OP- I don't see my SC as my own. But there is generally an undertone on here that you should.

Really? I don't think she gives a shit about mum seeing her social media tbh. DSD's mum hardly registers in my brain why should she?

So, they've been together for 3 years, dd and her do not get on, dd feels very pushed out when the other girl is there, ex's gf does not have time for her when she's there. Dd tells me that ex and gf argue a lot.
I believe that the Facebook posts are all for show (dd dad is very much like this as well), image of happy family whereas behind the curtains is a completely different story.
Just makes me rage a bit, I agree that I should be happy that dd is loved but as I say I think it's all for show.