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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be pissed off at this

37 replies

letsgetamoveon · 30/12/2022 16:00

Dd turned 8 recently and have just come across a post on Facebook from her dads girlfriend saying 'we are so proud of our daughter'

Done a bit more digging and there are lots of photos on her Facebook of my dd with captions of 'our beautiful daughter' 'my girls (this one includes her dd).

AIBU to feel pissed off that she is making out that my DD belongs to her, or am I just being tetchy???

OP posts:
imalreadygone · 30/12/2022 17:17

aSofaNearYou · 30/12/2022 16:43

This.

As a step mum I wouldn't think or do this but you can't deny that most of MN would be fuming that a SM doesn't see her SC as her own child. Maybe something for those people to think about when that comes up on other threads.

She may be driving it herself, or she may feel that she can't NOT describe her as her DD without people judging her, or she might be under pressure from your ex to see things that way, that's also common.

Show quote history

That is the stepmum dilemma.

There's no way I'd do it as I sure as hell don't see my DSC "as my own" but I'll probably get a bollocking elsewhere on this site if I mention that!

imalreadygone · 30/12/2022 17:19

Theunamedcat · 30/12/2022 16:48

But it's not her child? Its OK "treating them as they are yours" (whatever that means) but you can't just lay claim to someone else's child my friend has a blended family she always says "happy birthday to the best step daughter in the world" or happy Christmas to my bonus children see you later etc etc she treats them just the same as hers but keeps a distance because she is not their mother

That's why it's so confusing! Some people expect stepmums to keep their distance and others (or sometimes the same people) expect them to get involved (often when money is concerned or free childcare).

drpet49 · 30/12/2022 17:20

Theunamedcat · 30/12/2022 16:48

But it's not her child? Its OK "treating them as they are yours" (whatever that means) but you can't just lay claim to someone else's child my friend has a blended family she always says "happy birthday to the best step daughter in the world" or happy Christmas to my bonus children see you later etc etc she treats them just the same as hers but keeps a distance because she is not their mother

This

Original poster
letsgetamoveon · 30/12/2022 17:21

MsRosley · 30/12/2022 17:00

I'd be pissed off too. She is not your DD's mother, and your DD is not her daughter.

This is what I'm mad about, she's putting across on Facebook that she is her daughter. Everyone would know that she is not her dd and I would image that her and ex are trying to create an image of the 'happy little family'. I can imagine that people that know them would also be thinking wtf!!

OP posts:
imalreadygone · 30/12/2022 17:21

drpet49 · 30/12/2022 17:20

This

Show quote history

As you agree with this statement she treats them just the same as hers but keeps a distance because she is not their mother could I ask you to explain a little how that works because as a stepmum and a mum I have no idea.

Doggiky · 30/12/2022 17:22

letsgetamoveon · 30/12/2022 17:17

So, they've been together for 3 years, dd and her do not get on, dd feels very pushed out when the other girl is there, ex's gf does not have time for her when she's there. Dd tells me that ex and gf argue a lot.
I believe that the Facebook posts are all for show (dd dad is very much like this as well), image of happy family whereas behind the curtains is a completely different story.
Just makes me rage a bit, I agree that I should be happy that dd is loved but as I say I think it's all for show.

😐

OnlyFannys · 30/12/2022 17:26

I'm on your side op but that was a bit of a drip feed 😂

Original poster
letsgetamoveon · 30/12/2022 17:27

OnlyFannys · 30/12/2022 17:26

I'm on your side op but that was a bit of a drip feed 😂

Sorry I really didn't mean it to be, I thought I'd just get yeah your being a tit or no she's right replies.
Forgot it was Mumsnet 😂

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 30/12/2022 17:33

I can imagine that people that know them would also be thinking wtf!!

Exactly - they sound like they're not very self-aware anyway, so while it's annoying that they're being all false on social media, anyone who knows them will realise how ridiculous they're being already.

Tallulah28 · 30/12/2022 20:25

SchnauzerEyebrows · 30/12/2022 16:39

No I'd be absolutely apoplectic at this. Why is nobody considering how confusing this must be for the child? How do you think she will feel when she grows up and sees that?

OP it was definitely said in the hole that you'd see it. Disgraceful

I don’t understand how this is confusing for the child? Surely at 8 she isn’t on Facebook and even if she was, she knows who her parents are? If anything, it’s a positive that she has an adult in her life who loves her and considers her as one of her own?

Iceballoon · 30/12/2022 20:29

YANBU

She should not be posting pictures of your daughters without your permission, I wouldn’t dare take a picture of someone else's children without their parents permission, let alone post them on Facebook.

BTMadmummy · 22/04/2023 11:54

I’d be fuming

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