To ask are you if you ever think of leaving your dh ?

[Reindeertired]

Sometimes dh winds me up, I do love him but certain things annoy me,
like him watching old X factor with the kids on YouTube which is basically just laughing at people and kind of laughing at bullying.

Our kids are not the most confident as it is so I think this kinda stuff doesn't help

he would say that I’m being well over the top and over sensitive

He also just never really makes me feel super loved

he’s not super affectionate

like cuddling me loads etc

bit I also don’t know if im realistic at all about whatelse is out there

i mean am I even a good wife ?
am I that loving ? perhaps he could do better than me than other way round ?

You sound like hard work

And to answer, no I’ve never thought about leaving DH.

Tbh I think am

i want to change tho

People go onto the xfactor knowing they’re crap as it gives them publicity.

Its not bullying to watch these programmes when people willingly go on them.

Suppose I just seems so unkind

It

I suppose some people think of leaning then wonder if it’s out of the frying pan into the fire !

Yeah I do, but not for things that you menton.
Things like constantly getting us into debt and refusing to fulfil his tax obligations.
General lack of interest in our family, and lack of safety awareness when it comes to our children.

Sometimes. Usually when I am exhausted because he is disabled so loads of stuff is down to me. We can't make plans because we don't know how he's going to be feeling that day...😪. However I love him, and he's a lovely man, so I wouldn't seriously consider it. I appreciate that that doesn't make me sound like a nice person.

I wouldn't leave my DH for the things you describe though.

May i ask why you don’t then ? Is it fear ?

I need to start changing my ways somehow

Nope but if I had your relationship with the reasons you mentioned like lack of affection I would be

Tbh I don’t know how much affection I give off
😰

I’ve been with dh 15 years or so now and I’m sure both of us annoy the fuck out of each other at times. Neither of us always find what the other one finds funny sometimes. That’s just part and parcel of being different people. With the xfactor thing I can see how that would bother you but in the grand scheme of things if everything else was good I’d just not say anything and let it go. I think half the battle with having a happy long marriage is learning to turn a blind eye to the small stuff - and I do mean small stuff - if everything else is fundamentally good. That’s not to say I don’t believe in divorce - I’m divorced myself. But yeah I think it’s normal to have moments where you literally want to put them in the bin, and then it passes! I’m sure my dh would agree.

Yes, multiple times on a daily basis.

I did leave mine so probably not the one to ask!

I left my previous two H’s.
I have never wanted to leave the one I’m married to now or thought about in in the fifteen years we’ve been together. I know what it is to be unhappily married and I know what a happy home feels like, and it’s very different.

Definitely not fear. I can manage perfectly well on my own and am financially stable. It only crosses my mind sometimes usually when I'm tired doing stuff, but this is circumstances rather than me wanting to leave him, if that makes sense. I should actually spend more time looking at what strategies we could put in to make life easier. I don't actually WANT to leave HIM , it's the situation and his health that make me think about it sometimes. 🤔
I think that even if I carried out my thoughts, it wouldn't change much because I would still want to spend time with him as I really enjoy his company and he makes me laugh.

@SomeChickensAreJustTooBig what are the differences? Would love to know more about this!

OP the answer is yes. Sometimes I don't know why I'm still here but can't really put my finger on why.

Yes. For a number of reasons from the trivial (the way he eats poppadoms makes me murderous with rage) to the more serious (he is something of a cocklodger, and he’s sometimes too impatient with the kids, our daughter especially).

I don’t leave him because he’s my best friend, he’s a good man, my life is (for the most part) better with him around. Even if we’ve had a major row, he’s the first person I want to text a funny tweet or article to.

It’s hard to explain tbh. I just don’t have any desire to be involved with any man other than DH. He does annoy the hell out of me sometimes (and vice versa) but I feel total commitment to him and to the life we have together. It’s actually quite freeing.
I spent most of my twenties in a horrible marriage and felt so lonely. I don’t feel lonely now.
I never ever feel reluctant to see him or hear his key in the lock. We do lots apart and together and he’s always supportive of my friendships and my work. He is never jealous in any way. I actively look forward to the rest of my life now and don’t have a sense of ‘what if?’.
obvs I don’t tell him any of this, wouldn’t want to big him up too much 😀

Yes, I think about leaving him daily. But for different reasons than you describe. My P hates my family, is lazy, critical, often drunken, selfish.
Your DH doesn't sound like he is those things. The X factor thing would annoy me but sounds workable.
It sounds like you are a bit stuck in a rut.

Regularly. Been together 21 years. We don't have the same views on parenting and it causes a lot of conflict. Took the kids away without him before Christmas and it was all just so easy.

Thanks for all the advice
I think your are right kinda stuck in a bit of a rut, dh hasn’t done anything that he deserves to be left for
and I would hate to be away from my dc for half the time
but do need to work on this and I need to think how I can improve things too
and what I add to things

Can you afford therapy? They can help you get to the nub of the problem.

Or look for books, or online articles on relationships.

I read about Connection Bids the other day. It’s when say you pop into the kitchen and your Dh is at the sink and one of you says, ‘Gosh did you see that downpour just now?” In a healthy relationship the other party responds warmly and offers a reply/further comment. Little things like this is the glue that holds a couple together.

If your partner huffs, acts annoyed or just generally ignores you. Then you know things ain’t that good. There are loads of other things like that you can find out about.

Start a journal. Write down when you feel things are going well and when things shit. See if you can spot any trends, trigger points. Things that might help you work out if it’s him, you or both.

I think I first started having thoughts about leaving my Dh about 6 years ago. Probably just now and then. But over the years it became more and more until it was all I thought about.

I went to see a therapist and she validated my feelings. I realised in fact that he was treating me very badly. That was my permission to leave.

By the way I agree with you about things like X factor. They make me cringe.