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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask are you if you ever think of leaving your dh ?

38 replies

Reindeertired · 30/12/2022 15:27

Sometimes dh winds me up, I do love him but certain things annoy me,
like him watching old X factor with the kids on YouTube which is basically just laughing at people and kind of laughing at bullying.

Our kids are not the most confident as it is so I think this kinda stuff doesn't help

he would say that I’m being well over the top and over sensitive

He also just never really makes me feel super loved

he’s not super affectionate

like cuddling me loads etc

bit I also don’t know if im realistic at all about whatelse is out there

i mean am I even a good wife ?
am I that loving ? perhaps he could do better than me than other way round ?

OP posts:
Jedsnewstar · 30/12/2022 22:31

AHelpfulHand · 30/12/2022 15:52

People go onto the xfactor knowing they’re crap as it gives them publicity.

Its not bullying to watch these programmes when people willingly go on them.

There are a lot of people with clear mental health issues or learning disabilities who are exploited. Remember once they get to the judges they have been though a few rounds of producers who tell them they are wonderful. ‘Do it just like that’ literally just knowing they will be ripped to shreds.
It’s a hideous show.

Original poster
Reindeertired · 31/12/2022 09:16

Toomanysleepycats We’ll be hard to know where to start with therapy as I’ve basically had quite a difficult life
a difficult childhood that’s affected me quite a bit and I think I’m basically damaged
my mum was pretty horrendous to me at times
yet now she can be really good to me so I kinda don’t really want to dig all that up
as I’m not sure it would help

what you said about connection bids rings true and it’s often me that doesn’t reply with much
I really need to sort myself

OP posts:
pompomdaisy · 31/12/2022 09:22

Yes I thought about it yesterday when I had been asking him for 3 days if he will build DDs new ikea drawers. He dismantled the old ones then went to bed for two hours leaving her with no drawers. I've hurt my back so cant physically do it. Frustrated! But have been married for 23 years so won't be leaving him now.

Vinylloving · 31/12/2022 09:25

Yes, usually about once a month when I have pms!!

Fireflygal · 31/12/2022 09:41

@Reindeertired How old are you? How long together?

If you had a difficult childhood then your attachment may not be secure and may be seeking unconditional love from a spouse (that you didn't have as a child). Another adult can't provide that

I think watching YouTube with your children is your dh's way to bond and have fun. Do you feel threatened when they are doing something separate from you?

Liz1tummypain · 31/12/2022 09:45

Pugdogmom · 30/12/2022 16:12

Sometimes. Usually when I am exhausted because he is disabled so loads of stuff is down to me. We can't make plans because we don't know how he's going to be feeling that day...😪. However I love him, and he's a lovely man, so I wouldn't seriously consider it. I appreciate that that doesn't make me sound like a nice person.

I wouldn't leave my DH for the things you describe though.

That definitely makes you sound like a good person. You mustn't be so harsh on yourself. I hope things will get easier for you in time .

Notmyyearthisyear · 31/12/2022 10:05

Fireflygal · 31/12/2022 09:41

@Reindeertired How old are you? How long together?

If you had a difficult childhood then your attachment may not be secure and may be seeking unconditional love from a spouse (that you didn't have as a child). Another adult can't provide that

I think watching YouTube with your children is your dh's way to bond and have fun. Do you feel threatened when they are doing something separate from you?

this one ☝️

Nottodaysausage · 31/12/2022 10:11

I agree with you re the xfactor thing. When it's evident that the performer has a lower IQ than average, it seems cruel to mock them. A bit like the poor people exploited on the Jeremy Kyle show.

Thepeopleversuswork · 31/12/2022 10:29

Not married but yes all the time.

Mainly because of the amount of time he spends on his phone. I absolutely hate it and it’s made me lose all respect for him. It’s lame and stupid.

But because there’s nothing “wrong” with him other than that I often feel I am being precious and need to get over myself.

I always feel a bit like this in long term relationships though. Claustrophobic, bored and trapped. Not really patient enough for it.

LindaEllen · 31/12/2022 10:30

AHelpfulHand · 30/12/2022 15:52

People go onto the xfactor knowing they’re crap as it gives them publicity.

Its not bullying to watch these programmes when people willingly go on them.

Not entirely true. People get through the first auditions (i.e. in front of the producers rather than the judges) for one of two reasons - either they're good, or they're going to be entertaining because they're bad.

Often, people genuinely don't realise which camp they fall into, and are then crushed when they perform in front of the judges and get torn apart.

Original poster
Reindeertired · 31/12/2022 12:01

Fireflygal · 31/12/2022 09:41

@Reindeertired How old are you? How long together?

If you had a difficult childhood then your attachment may not be secure and may be seeking unconditional love from a spouse (that you didn't have as a child). Another adult can't provide that

I think watching YouTube with your children is your dh's way to bond and have fun. Do you feel threatened when they are doing something separate from you?

I honestly don’t think I feel threatened
I just think it’s mean and it will can age the kids confidence as they are already not the most confident and laughing by at people trying to do stuff won’t help them with trying new things etc

OP posts:
Fireflygal · 31/12/2022 12:12

@Reindeertired Well most people don't go on these shows and it doesn't affect them trying new stuff.

It feels as if you are processing lots of issues and perhaps some projection or looking to reasins why your children are not that confident?

If your question is? - does watching these shows prevent children from trying new hobbies? I really, really doubt it, parental support is the greatest factor.

Original poster
Reindeertired · 31/12/2022 12:19

Fireflygal · 31/12/2022 12:12

@Reindeertired Well most people don't go on these shows and it doesn't affect them trying new stuff.

It feels as if you are processing lots of issues and perhaps some projection or looking to reasins why your children are not that confident?

If your question is? - does watching these shows prevent children from trying new hobbies? I really, really doubt it, parental support is the greatest factor.

well one example I could give is
when the kids are in the car with me
they will sing along and laugh
when dh is there they won’t sing as they are too self conscious

OP posts:
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