Fiancé’s family 🤦‍♀️

[ApexCabbageMonster]

Together for 5 years. We have a 1 year old together. Planned to get married before lockdown.

Mother and sister have always picked on me and just excluded me from things. My partner has asked them what the issue is and they say there isn’t one.

after our son was born. Neither of them came to visit, they just asked how the baby was. The sister asked my partner to bring the baby to her house when our son was 3 days old. He told her he can’t because I’m breastfeeding. She then suggested she meet him at a restaurant or someplace similar to us to make it easier. He again declined stating the baby is cluster feeding.

Since our son has been born. Either one have not visited. They send messages such as “goodnight to you and Theo” or “huge Theo kisses from me” or “merry Christmas to you and Theo”. I know they don’t have to like me. However, this is an blatant attempt to exclude me somehow. My MIL said she will not bother with our child. They act as thought he doesn’t exist and yet my fiancé allows this continue. If my family treated my partner this way and acted as thought 💭 or child didn’t exist. I’d struggle with my relationship with them.

what advice would you have for me and what is your perception of this situation. I will answer questions if you need more information. I’m not seeking validation, just to see whether this behaviour is normal and whether you’d expect more from your SO.

Please don't marry him op. He is clearly putting their feelings above yours. This won't change.

I also found out his mother sent him a text “I love you, I just don’t want you to waste your time on someone who’s not worth it”. His response “I know what you mean mum, I love you too”.

This should mean the end of your relationship.

You’re worth more than this prick.

OP, sorry you are in this position.

I assume there is no back story to this like a close member of your family murdered one of theirs etc.

I would be asking your partner how he sees this panning out as your Ds grows up and becomes aware that his Daddy has relatives who are so hostile to his Mummy, and some who don’t bother with him?

This is going to be quite horrible, and damaging, for your child.

How are plans for your wedding progressing? How does he see this event? I hope he isn’t delaying marriage because of the terrible behaviour of his family?

I hope your partner proves himself worthy of you. You can’t be expected to put up with him sitting on the fence.

Your DH is a pussy!!! Leave him

Sorry, missed your post that included her text exchange.

Sorry OP, that’s a dealbreaker. You can’t have a partner who sells you down the river.

Someone you marry needs to be someone you can stand equally alongside, hand in hand, back to back against the world. Total trust.

Walk away. Now.

It might bring him swiftly to his senses when he sees himself losing you. If it doesn’t, you are much, much better off without a dissembling coward with no loyalty and not enough love to fight your corner.

My ex husband's family treated me like this. His brother was the favourite, he and his wife could do no wrong.
I'd go to his parents' house, his mam would sit in the kitchen with his sister in law and leave me in the living room on my own.
He denied there was anything wrong, and he always took their side over me.
I'm sorry, love, but it won't change unless he stands up for you. Mine never did.

Thanks for all of the messages. I have stopped any wedding preparation as I’m unhappy and I’ve focused on my son for the last year. He’s my priority. I am financially independent of my partner so this isn’t a factor at all.

In regards to his family, his father and step mum will attend the wedding but his mum and sister won’t. They didn’t even attend our sons 1st birthday party. My partner is a total asshole. He plays the victim and acts as thought there isn’t anything he’s able to do. I explained to him that he’s enabling their behaviour. He denies this.

I just don’t know how to get through to him. Honestly, I’m at the end of my rope.

Don't even try to 'get through' to him. His every action shows clearly that he has no intention of behaving like a decent human being partner.

Get out and never look back, other than to congratulate yourself on an eventual lucky escape 💐

Well he sounds absolutely pathetic.

How dare he watch the mother of his son be so unhappy and badly treated?

It’s good news that you can be financially self sufficient OP.

Take care. Being treated like a nobody can affect your self esteem and your ability to rescue yourself.

If your partner is a total asshole, you aren’t happy and you’re financially independent, why are you there?!

You can’t get through to him. He’s a coward who is only interested in pleasing his mum and sister, even when they make utterly vile accusations about the woman he claims to love. Please leave, this won’t get better. They will push him further and further and you will humiliate yourself and your son by allowing him to get away with this behaviour.

This would be a major catalyst for me.

Despite his assertions, he's not at all stuck in the middle.

The response in that case would have been "Mum, I want to maintain a relationship with you but I can't do that if you keep suggesting the mother of my child is not "worthy". She is, and I'd ask you to be respect my choice of partner even if you do not want a relationship with her." (Still a shitty response, but that's the one that means you've got splinters in your arse from sitting in the fence).

Instead he's actively contributing to their emotional abuse of you by agreeing with them.

He said he knows what she means when she says he's wasting his time with the mother of his child who isn't worth it.

I'd be well past done at this point.

Either he actually agrees with them, or he's happy to be complicit in their appalling treatment of you and your child to keep his life hunky dory.

Neither is someone who is material to be a good husband or father.

Walk (run) away now and leave him to live the very lonely life he's choosing.

Side point: I've seen one experience similar and the issue was that the siblings best friends was in love with the brother (unreciprocated). Family then sabotaged every relationship in the hope he would forge a relationship with this family friend. He's in his 50's now and still unmarried with a string of failed relationships because of his family. Not sympathetic in the slightest. Any chance something similar is an issue?

This to me is gaslighting. Its absolutely awful, i believe i was subject to this by some "friends". It was bizarre. If i hadn't told another friend id have thought i was losing my mind. it seems they wanted to go from friends to acquaintances and i should have been fine with that. Grown women. Nothing worse than being told its all in your head when it isn't. Nothing wrong with not wanting to be friends with people anymore but gaslighting them.

I know what you mean mum???? Wtf!!! He's literally agreeing with what they're saying about you! Forget sticking up for you!

Update. Fiancé mother said she wants to meet our son. However, she expects him to bring ds down to her. No mention to me. I said if she wants to meet him she can come here, without her daughter.

im not sure why these people think everything is on their terms. I am not having anymore, I’ve been far too understanding for far too long. Thanks for all of your responses. They’ve really kicked me into gear to take control of the situation.

@ApexCabbageMonster

I'm sorry but that would end the relationship for me. He's clearly listening to them slag you off to no end and has probably been joining in with it.

There is no way he would say I know what you mean mum if he wasn't involved with it all. They dislike you and he's probably added a lot of fuel to the fire. His response Is basically agreeing with what she said.

@ApexCabbageMonster

After that it would either be you cut them off or were done. And I'm really not sure he would chose you and your son

That text would end it for me.
If he takes the baby without you , that's outrageous.

Your partner is the problem

I couldn't put up with them or him

But if you split up (and you should) you do realise his vile family will be in your DC's life?

@ApexCabbageMonster Did MIL go to your house to meet your son?

Your partner is being totally unsupportive of you and I think you're a saint for putting up with it. What grandmother does not see her grandchild for over a year? What partner does not 100% support his partner? You're obviously contemplating what to do next, you are lucky in that you can financially support yourself and your child.