To be sick of DH inability to cook

[Friarclose]

DH have been together 9 years. He cannot cook. He is the sort of person who will heat up some fish fingers and chips and tell everyone he cooked. I do 90% of the dinners here and his dinners are always just beige stuff with chips.

I am by no means Nigella but I'm an OK cook, have a small repertoire of dishes, mainly bog standard stuff the dc will always eat - spaghetti bol, roasts, shepherd's pie, sweet and sour, soups, that kind of thing. I've taught myself to do this over the years as in my twenties cooking was dumping a bit of salad cream over the top of pasta!

Tonight I asked DH if he could do dinner. Tortellini and jar sauce. Really can't get easier, 2 mins in the water. He's just served up what looks like soggy paper, all filling fallen out, mushy and horrible, inedible. Oh i got distracted when it was boiling"

I am so. Sick. Of. This.

He's 40, not a student. I have lost my shit slightly, now he's walking around like a sad child. AIBU to stop cooking for him?! He has no problem eating and enjoying everything I make but has zero interest in learning even basic cooking skills and I have really had it.

My DH doesn't cook but he cleans, vacuums, irons, does the washing, goes food shopping etc without being asked. So I let the non cooking slide.

Just stop.

If he can hold down a job, drive a car, or handle a computer game, he can cook. He just can't be arsed to make the effort to learn.

Strategic incompetence. I've no patience with someone who says they can't cook but otherwise function in the adult world with an adult job. It's just a case of following instructions in a recipe or reading the back of a packet correctly and having the barest of concentration skills. I would not want to have sex with a man who couldn't successfully watch a pot of boiling tortellini for 4 minutes.

LTB and marry Jamie Oliver

If he can read he can cook. It’s just reading and following instructions.

YABU because he didn’t spoil it on purpose.

People often do things badly so never asked again.....buy him basic cookery lessons for his next gift ....

Lost your shit because he overcooked the pasta… really OTT. But yeah stop cooking for him, he can enjoy his beige or learn to cook. He’s never going to bother if you keep doing it for him.

If you're 9 years in then why is this bothering you now? It must have not been that big of a deal or failing that he does other things which more than make up for lack of cooking skills.

He doesn't gte distracted by something when he is driving.
He can learn if he wants to.
It has just never been on his priority list.

So time for serious talk and ultimatum.
Learn to cook 5 decent dishes over next 5 weeks and be prepared to repeat them for the next few months or you stop cooking. Once he is confident with those 5, he can add more.
My son is a uni student and in their house they all cook proper food! Take turns to cook. They can all do it, it really isn't rocket science.

Yeah this doesn’t bother me. Together a bit longer than you, a bit older than 40. I cook the same as you. Husband doesn’t cook, just beige kids dinners/reheating leftovers etc. He irons, I don’t. He does dishwasher, I don’t. We have our roles. If I don’t want to cook we go out, have takeaway, or he sorts. So it’s beans on toast, freezer food, jackets etc. Not worth getting worked up about in my book

Does he do anything else?

I got v fed up of DH's inability to cook but teaching him looked like it would lead to divorce. I think he could learn, but not with me as a teacher.

However he does all breakfasts, lunches, coffees and all the washing up.

So I gave up on teaching him to cook as honestly I hate washing up so so much.

Anyone with a brain cell can cook. Your husband chooses not to because he knows you'll just do it. Stop enabling him.

Dh is a terrible cook. And totally uninterested in cooking. I let it slide because a) he does lots of other things and steps up elsewhere b) he never ever expects me to cook and is genuinely grateful every single time

C) is important though - he can, at a pinch, pull together basic things. He can make waffles or pancakes, does a mean fry up, cooks sausages with potatoes and veg, beige food (obviously) but will steam veg alongside, pasta pesto or fresh pasta with a jarred sauce.

Your dh really needs to be able to do a couple.of very basic things and I agree with you - a packet of tortellini and a jarred sauce shouldn't be beyond him.

My dh swings from not cooking and just ordering deliveroo if I ask him to cook, which is so annoying as I don't want DC eating takeaway all the time. Or he cooks ridiculously complex meals.that require 8 hours in the kitchen and 300 pots and pans that he never cleans up. Also 200 forms of spice and seasoning we have to do special trips to find.

My ex criticized my cooking, didn't appreciate when I tried so in the end I gave up. My self esteem took a battering and i feel anxious if I have to cook for anyone now.

Cut him some slack.

What actual help are the posts saying "this is what happened with us, I don't mind"

The OP clearly minds. So saying you don't mind is little more than useless. You're basically saying she should get over it.

Hope you don't post for help on things and expect actual support or advice in return!

Random thread to get angry about this on. It’s a discussion forum, OP asked for view points. Others sharing their perspective on it is exactly that. Calm down

YANBU. Fair enough to have your strengths and split the cooking/housework accordingly, but to not be able to manage even the simplest of meals is annoying. I do most of the cooking, DH cleans the bathrooms. But if necessary for whatever reason (illness, injury, one of us is away), he can produce a decent meal and I can clean the bathroom. It's ridiculous to not be able to manage a meal as simple as the one you've described.

If you died, what would he do?

Maybe you could teach him to make a few of your dishes, step by step, when it’s not meal time and let the DC help? He might be nervous about under or over cooking something when there’s lots of ingredients.

Only you know if it bothers you enough to do something about it like stop cooking for him, if it dies YANBU.

It wouldn’t bother me, I do all the cooking my husband does the cleaning up after the meal, but I’m not you. Either come up with a ‘chore trade’ like I have or let him do his own cooking if that’ll stop you feeling resentful.

Sounds like he’d just eat ‘beige food’ like fish fingers and chips.

YANBU. My DH managed to fuck up a sausage sandwich earlier today (hence the name). He used to work as a chef (in a bloody nice restaurant) when he was a student. I’m stunned. He’d fuck up toast given the chance, it’s so exhausting. I don’t have any answers.

I genuinely can't cook - I burn things or it's undercooked, forget to check the temperature of the oven or don't put the timer on etc. I have ADHD though and find cooking stressful.

If he does a lot of other things well, I would cut him some slack, your having a go at him might make him lose more confidence with cooking and put him off trying.