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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to have to ask for my money back?

52 replies

MoneyHelpPls · 28/12/2022 19:08

Name changed as some details might be identifying and this is causing me enough drama as it is.

For background, a friend (at the time) took over a lease and I had paid a deposit with another person. Because of the terms of the lease, my half couldn’t be refunded back to me as we had taken out the lease together, so the deposit was transferred over to my friend.

It was quite a significant amount of money and I knew they didn’t have any savings, so I said that they didn’t have to pay it all back to me at once - a sort of favour for them taking over the lease and allowing me to come out of it, but also because I knew they couldn’t afford to pay it all at once and I didn’t want to seem unfair.

They suggested that they could pay a set amount each month when they got paid, and pay more when things had settled down for them in order to repay the deposit. I said that was fine and thought that was that.

This happened 8 months ago and for the last 4 months, I have had to remind them (after their pay date) that they need to pay me.

I have sent my bank details to them every time, specified the amount, said please and thank you, confirmed the balance, asked that they set up a standing order.., everything I can think to do, but still, month 5 and I am still having to chase.

We were good friends beforehand and I never lend money, but didn’t really have a way out this time due to the terms of the lease. We don’t speak any more, other than this conversation every month.

AIBU for not wanting to have to ask every month for what I am owed?

Also, WWYD?!

OP posts:
Aidagreenwhistle · 28/12/2022 19:11

How many months to go? I’d remind them
3 days before and then again on the day. I doubt they will set up a standing order.

rookiemere · 28/12/2022 19:11

I'm not sure I understand why you didn't get the full amount at once as soon as it went into their bank account.

How many payments have you got left?

Honestly if you want your money back, I think the best approach is to keep playing it as you have been, it's sad the friendship has been tarnished by their tardiness to repay, but sadly somewhat predictable.

Aprilx · 28/12/2022 19:13

I think you are going to have to ask for the money every time, whether you want to or not.

Original poster
MoneyHelpPls · 28/12/2022 19:19

@rookiemere they never physically had the money, sorry for not making it clear. I paid £1500, the agents wouldn’t pay it back to me because it was half of the original deposit payment that was paid to secure the lease, and my friend took over my part of the lease, so no money was ever refunded, instead, my share of the deposit paid was transferred to my friend, meaning that they owed me that money.

There are 8 months to go if they continue with the payments as they should, @Aidagreenwhistle

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 28/12/2022 19:23

You shouldn’t have to, but quite clearly you are going to have to - they are not going to miraculously become a decent human being all of a sudden. Just continue to ask for it monthly, thank them when it’s received, etc, and breath a sigh of relief in 8 months time!

Original poster
MoneyHelpPls · 28/12/2022 19:43

Purplecatshopaholic · 28/12/2022 19:23

You shouldn’t have to, but quite clearly you are going to have to - they are not going to miraculously become a decent human being all of a sudden. Just continue to ask for it monthly, thank them when it’s received, etc, and breath a sigh of relief in 8 months time!

Thank you @Purplecatshopaholic. It feels like I’m begging every time I have to contact them to ask for the money. They know they owe it to me, it’s like they’re withholding it on purpose to fuck with me so they can sit back and laugh at how pathetic I am 😒

OP posts:
Original poster
MoneyHelpPls · 29/12/2022 23:26

So, message sent requesting payment, given details and all the rest of it. Message read and ignored.

What would you do now?!

OP posts:
growgrowinggrown · 29/12/2022 23:30

Small claims court. You don't have a friendship if you're having to beg for your own money.
Just nip it in the bud, one more text tomorrow explaining that if you don't receive the next installment by 1700 then you will file.

ThinWomansBrain · 29/12/2022 23:34

Worth letting them know that if they don't keep up the instalments as agreed, you'll treat it as default and initiate a small claims court claim for the outstanding balance plus costs?
Check first though - I have a feeling that they may have long backlogs post-covid.

OgdensGoneNutFlake · 29/12/2022 23:36

I'd be fairly blunt and say that you're frustrated by having to ask and that they are really annoying you by having to text each time. They must know it's pissing you off.

ThinWomansBrain · 29/12/2022 23:36

crosspost growgrowinggrown

TooManyChoicesNotEnoughDecisions · 29/12/2022 23:37

Your 'friend' has nothing to lose, if you stop asking they can stop paying and will be quids in. The friendship is probably dead in the water already, so the money is all that is left.
Just keep asking and if no payment is forthcoming, do as suggested above and go through small claims.

MeJane · 30/12/2022 09:16

You really muddied the waters by saying she didn't have to pay it back as soon as she got it from the agent, especially if you said like you did in the OP that it 'wasn't fair'.

You have inferred that it is difficult for her to give it back to you. When it should not have been difficult at all, she was given the money and half of it was your money.

You should just keep at her I think. Make sure you call it 'my money' rather than the money or the deposit.

Original poster
MoneyHelpPls · 30/12/2022 11:49

@MeJane thanks for your input. They never received the money back from the agent, the agent kept the deposit and as per the terms of the lease, I had to reclaim the money back from my then friend. At the time they had no savings and were very much living paycheque to paycheque, so physically couldn’t pay it back to me, which is why I said it didn’t need to be paid back immediately.

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 30/12/2022 11:53

So am I right in thinking they never actually got any money, but will whenever they end the lease in the form of your half of the deposit as we'll as their own when it's released?

TheGoodEnoughWife · 30/12/2022 11:55

Sparklfairy · 30/12/2022 11:53

So am I right in thinking they never actually got any money, but will whenever they end the lease in the form of your half of the deposit as we'll as their own when it's released?

They haven't paid in any of their own. The OPs deposit has become the friends deposit and the friend needs to pay the OP.

Eventually the friend will get the deposit money back. When they give up the lease I suppose.

Schnooze · 30/12/2022 12:00

I suppose technically you aren’t entitled to your half until the lease is surrendered completely. What would have happened if you hadn’t found someone to take over your half?

She may be doing you a favour by paying it to you early? Or maybe financially she couldn’t afford to take over the lease and you should have found someone else who could fulfil their legal obligations by paying you the deposit amount. Do you have anything in writing to say she is paying you back in instalments?

You need to find out how you actually stand legally.

Sparklfairy · 30/12/2022 12:03

TheGoodEnoughWife · 30/12/2022 11:55

They haven't paid in any of their own. The OPs deposit has become the friends deposit and the friend needs to pay the OP.

Eventually the friend will get the deposit money back. When they give up the lease I suppose.

Show quote history

I see, I read it again and realised I got confused somewhere along the way!

How much is left to pay OP? % or £. If they're being awkward already I can see there being problems when the lease ends and if there's a dispute with the deposit.

i.e. if deposit was £1000, £500 each, and £250 is deducted at the end, they might be holding some back in that event so it's you that actually takes the deduction hit?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/12/2022 12:07

I think they are waiting til you ask to see if they can get away with it each month.

It’s so frustrating having to ask each time and say please and thank you. Had this at the start with my exh and maintenance- had to absolutely force him to set up a standing order, as no way was I going to be asking each month.

Has the deposit / tenancy legally been transferred to her? Do you have evidence of your agreement? If so I’d have thought you would have a small claim. I would say to her - please pay by x date each month, if I don’t receive the payments on that date any given month I’m going to small claims for full amount, I won’t be chasing again or giving a reminder. Then do actually make the claim if she fails to do so.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 30/12/2022 12:09

Small claims court.

Deliaskis · 30/12/2022 12:10

I agree friend should pay, I'm not sure this is quite as clear cut as people are making out. OP wasn't entitled to a deposit refund at all because of leaving the lease in such a way. The friend has been able to take over and is paying the deposit element slowly but is also presumably paying the actual lease which the OP would presumably still have been liable for had the friend not agreed to take it on. The friend should pay, for sure, but to me it looks like both have benefited from this arrangement and as the friend is paying, occasionally late, but more or less to the agreed schedule, then the argument is really over sending a text reminder every month. I'm not sure I could get quite so worked about that really. Just send the reminder if you need to OP. You're getting your money, you were released from a lease earlier than you should have been, your getting your deposit back, albeit slowly, your friend got a payment plan for the deposit, nobody is really losing here.

Schnooze · 30/12/2022 12:13

That’s what I’m thinking too.

Original poster
MoneyHelpPls · 30/12/2022 12:18

For clarity, I have nothing to do with the lease any more and gave notice that I wanted to leave. Original friend said that she would like to stay, and immediately found someone else to join the lease with her so she didn’t have to give the place up. There was no benefit to me financially or otherwise in someone else taking over my share of the lease, in fact, quite the opposite. If original friend had decided to end the lease too, we would both have had our money back by now.

Because the lease was taken over by someone else, the rental company said that as the original person was on the lease, a new lease wasn’t needed, and they would make an amendment to the lease, meaning I needed to make an arrangement with ex friend to recoup the deposit.

What I’m really annoyed about is the fact that I’m having to ask for my money back each month, instead of them paying it back at the agreed point of the month under the terms that they set. It feels like there’s no respect especially when they’re visibly splashing the cash on fancy dinners and posh holidays.

Roughly half of the money is still to be repaid.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 30/12/2022 12:22

I would threaten small claims - they don't need to know there is a backlog.

Deliaskis · 30/12/2022 12:36

I can still see both, or in fact all three sides here. You all benefited somewhat from the arrangement. You are getting your money, but are getting very worked up about sending a reminder. The comment about fancy dinners and holidays just sounds like you've decided you don't like her. She's paying you, why does it matter what she chooses to do with her disposable income? If she wasn't paying you and was pleading poverty then fair enough. This beef just seems to be about a monthly text message.

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