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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to have to ask for my money back?

52 replies

MoneyHelpPls · 28/12/2022 19:08

Name changed as some details might be identifying and this is causing me enough drama as it is.

For background, a friend (at the time) took over a lease and I had paid a deposit with another person. Because of the terms of the lease, my half couldn’t be refunded back to me as we had taken out the lease together, so the deposit was transferred over to my friend.

It was quite a significant amount of money and I knew they didn’t have any savings, so I said that they didn’t have to pay it all back to me at once - a sort of favour for them taking over the lease and allowing me to come out of it, but also because I knew they couldn’t afford to pay it all at once and I didn’t want to seem unfair.

They suggested that they could pay a set amount each month when they got paid, and pay more when things had settled down for them in order to repay the deposit. I said that was fine and thought that was that.

This happened 8 months ago and for the last 4 months, I have had to remind them (after their pay date) that they need to pay me.

I have sent my bank details to them every time, specified the amount, said please and thank you, confirmed the balance, asked that they set up a standing order.., everything I can think to do, but still, month 5 and I am still having to chase.

We were good friends beforehand and I never lend money, but didn’t really have a way out this time due to the terms of the lease. We don’t speak any more, other than this conversation every month.

AIBU for not wanting to have to ask every month for what I am owed?

Also, WWYD?!

OP posts:
Original poster
MoneyHelpPls · 30/12/2022 12:39

@Deliaskis I’m struggling to see how I benefitted?

I don’t dislike the person, we were good friends for a number of years. The agreement that was made was that they would pay more back when they were settled and had more disposable income, which is why seeing them flaunt their disposable income in such a way is frustrating.

OP posts:
Idontgiveagriffindamn · 30/12/2022 12:41

@MoneyHelpPls I assume you’ve benefited as you have been released from the lease.

Original poster
MoneyHelpPls · 30/12/2022 12:44

@Idontgiveagriffindamn I had every right to be released from the lease, I followed the terms of the lease and it was up to my original friend to choose to stay on and find someone else so she could stay in the flat.

OP posts:
Idontgiveagriffindamn · 30/12/2022 12:49

Ok that was clear (to me) from your post. You’re finding out that you should never ‘lend’ money to people as it damages relationships. Either she should have paid you the half deposit outright, got the person moving in to cover that half or you should have forced a termination of the lease and got your deposit back.

Original poster
MoneyHelpPls · 30/12/2022 12:51

@Idontgiveagriffindamn hindsight is a wonderful thing isn’t it.

Appreciate your input.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 30/12/2022 12:53

Forget the whys and wherefores of the lease deposit (but don’t ever make that agreement again!)

They owe you £X
They are repaying you, albeit slowly and frustratingly.

You can either

Resign yourself to chasing, ignore your feelings of frustration and carry on as long as they keep paying

or

Be honest “Friend, I did you a favour by not asking for the whole £x in one go, but I feel really upset you’re making me chase you every month. If you don’t set up the standing order by next month and the money is in my bank account by x date without me cussing you, I’ll be asking for the whole amount outstanding back ASAP.”

Yarnosaura · 30/12/2022 12:57

What should have happened is the new person should have paid their share of the deposit direct to you.

But, too late now, so small claims court is best option.

blubberyboo · 30/12/2022 12:57

To me it sounds like you broke the terms of the lease with the agent who would’ve kept the money regardless of whether you had a friend to take over the lease or not.

So it was your contract and therefore your loss of deposit.

the friend yes agreed to pay you but it wasn’t a binding contract the way the one you had with the estate agent was.

Yabu for not getting the funds upfront and this was an inevitable outcome.

Deliaskis · 30/12/2022 12:58

I agree and if anything the original friend has benefited the most really, by not having to leave when you did, and not having to pay any extra. Your benefit was leaving at a time that wasn't mutually agreed with your original friend.

I can see where you're coming from, I can just see the other sides too. I didn't really notice properly in your OP that there was agreement to pay more when she was able to, and you clearly think she is at that point due to her other spending habits. I think this is the bit that is perhaps a bigger issue than the reminder. Did you agree what 'more able' to pay would mean? It sounds like friend has taken the payment plan to mean that's all she has to pay, and is unlikely to suddenly offer up more money at this stage. If it want her to do this, perhaps you need to have a discussion.... when we started the we agreed xyz until such point that abc happened... can we agree a quicker repayment schedule now you're more sorted financially?

It just sounds like you're upset about something that she might not realise is really an issue.... likely she thinks she is paying you and also managing to enjoy a little discretionary spending, but you're upset when you see her eating out. I'm not arguing in her side particularly, just saying I can just see how easily there could be different perspectives to this. I would start by asking if she feels able to pay more now, as you had originally discussed.

indie123 · 30/12/2022 13:02

I have a similar situation where I lent a friend a significant amount of money because she was in desperate need. She made some payments but over a year later over half of what I lent is still outstanding . I hate having to chase.

Only thing you can do is continue to ask and take to small claims if you feel you need to.

Also see this as a lesson learned

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 30/12/2022 13:05

It’s a lesson I’ve learnt a few times over the years unfortunately.
Personally when it gets to this stage I think the friendship is over. You have an agreement with them to pay in instalments so not sure you can go to small claims court if they haven’t broken that arrangement (yet). I’d view the sending over the text message as a task that needs to be done. As someone said send one 3 days before with the amount, due date and bank details, one on the day if not paid and the follow up if still not paid. Try to take any emotion of it.

oviraptor21 · 30/12/2022 13:16

blubberyboo · 30/12/2022 12:57

To me it sounds like you broke the terms of the lease with the agent who would’ve kept the money regardless of whether you had a friend to take over the lease or not.

So it was your contract and therefore your loss of deposit.

the friend yes agreed to pay you but it wasn’t a binding contract the way the one you had with the estate agent was.

Yabu for not getting the funds upfront and this was an inevitable outcome.

Not sure how you come to that conclusion.
OPs tenancy came to an end. They could have just allowed it to end and claimed their deposit back. And ended the tenancy for their joint tenant too.
OP was nice though. She let her joint tenant find someone else to replace her so that they could continue the tenancy. She should have got her deposit back straight away but she was kind and allowed the new tenant to pay over a period of months. Which new tenant is now dragging their heels about despite having plenty of money.

Do you have any if this arrangement confirmed in writing? The payments up till now will be helpful but an email trail would be even better?
If so, small claims court.

CaptainMum · 30/12/2022 13:17

Simply ask them for the whole amount.
"Hi XXX, this feels silly to ask for £xx each month and waste both our time. Would it be okay for you to transfer the balance to me this month? My calculations say it's £1000."
See what she says!

TheCatterall · 30/12/2022 13:20

ask them to set up a recurring standing order so she doesn’t need prompting each month. You could phrase it as being a favour to help her have one less thing to remember to do…

CrystalCoco · 30/12/2022 13:28

Very annoying for you to have to keep reminding them but if you don't then you'll likely never hear from them again.

Dig your heels in, grit your teeth and just remind yourself there's not long to go now until the full amount is repaid and you'll never need to be in touch with them again.

Money issues / loans / debts to friends changes people, I bet your friend was only too happy when the arrangement was set up as it allowed her to continue staying there, but now, months on, the gratitude is gone and in it's place is resentment at having to cough up. It's a shame really that they've soured the friendship like this, friends like you who help out in these situations are few and far between and should be valued and thanked, not this shit show you're dealing with.

HappenstanceMarmite · 30/12/2022 14:33

She’s already done that. It’s what the whole thread is about…the fact that her request for a standing order gets ignored. 🙄

RealBecca · 30/12/2022 14:41

How much of the money have you had back? 10%? 50%?

I think the lesson for next time is that either the lease is fully surrendered and money given back or the new tenant pays the full amount to you before moving in.

Talking about small claims with her will likely mean you see nothing else from her informally.

blubberyboo · 30/12/2022 14:47

oviraptor21 · 30/12/2022 13:16

Not sure how you come to that conclusion.
OPs tenancy came to an end. They could have just allowed it to end and claimed their deposit back. And ended the tenancy for their joint tenant too.
OP was nice though. She let her joint tenant find someone else to replace her so that they could continue the tenancy. She should have got her deposit back straight away but she was kind and allowed the new tenant to pay over a period of months. Which new tenant is now dragging their heels about despite having plenty of money.

Do you have any if this arrangement confirmed in writing? The payments up till now will be helpful but an email trail would be even better?
If so, small claims court.

Show quote history

It doesn’t say the tenancy came to an end.
it said her friend took over her lease.
this suggests the lease was still live, not expired and the fact she wasn’t going to automatically be refunded by the estate agent further suggests OP was still in contract.

that’s my reading of it.

LateAF · 30/12/2022 14:48

Could you go through the deposit protection scheme - and explain to them that you’re owed money since you are no longer on the lease?

LateAF · 30/12/2022 14:51

blubberyboo · 30/12/2022 14:47

It doesn’t say the tenancy came to an end.
it said her friend took over her lease.
this suggests the lease was still live, not expired and the fact she wasn’t going to automatically be refunded by the estate agent further suggests OP was still in contract.

that’s my reading of it.

Show quote history

She terminated her lease according to the contract. The agency didn’t want the hassle of transferring the deposit back to OP and the remaining tenant, and then restarting a new lease so they simply amended the lease to replace OP with the new tenant and transfer OPs deposit to the new tenant. No breach of contract though in hindsight OP should have forced termination of the contract and got her deposit back from the DPS. If I was OP I would still try go through the deposit protection scheme to claim the money.

poetryandwine · 30/12/2022 14:58

OP,

You have my sympathies but I am not clear on the legal position. Do you have evidence that you are owed your deposit back, but the management co just didn’t want the bother? If not, how certain are you of this?

Morally I agree that if you are sure you incurred no damages you need a fixed repayment plan. But small claims court is not a good idea if your legal position is not airtight.

blubberyboo · 30/12/2022 16:30

LateAF · 30/12/2022 14:51

She terminated her lease according to the contract. The agency didn’t want the hassle of transferring the deposit back to OP and the remaining tenant, and then restarting a new lease so they simply amended the lease to replace OP with the new tenant and transfer OPs deposit to the new tenant. No breach of contract though in hindsight OP should have forced termination of the contract and got her deposit back from the DPS. If I was OP I would still try go through the deposit protection scheme to claim the money.

Show quote history

No she pretty clearly said twice that the agent wouldn’t transfer it back because of the terms of the lease.
this says to me that she was bound to a contract with them and they had no obligation to give her back the money…. not that they simply didn’t want the hassle of transferring it back

Original poster
MoneyHelpPls · 30/12/2022 16:55

@blubberyboo the deposit was paid jointly, so as per the terms of the lease, they would have to pay the deposit back jointly if we were both not going to renew the lease. Because the lease was renewed, with an amendment, the monies had to be recovered separately, by me. This was clear in all of the conversations had with the letting agency, and I even queried at the time whether it would be seen as a breach of contract, and they explained the clause in place regarding my half of the deposit which meant I would no longer be bound to a contract with them.

OP posts:
Igglepiggleslittletoe · 31/12/2022 12:06

Is there anything in writing saying this person owes you this money and will repay it? If not then if they stop paying you will just have to suck it up but if there is proof then you need to explain that the entire balance now needs to be paid as you are tired chasing them and if they do not pay it you have no option but to go to the small claims court.

Flamingogirl08 · 31/12/2022 12:26

So is the deposit in holding and she did you a favour by taking over the lease? I lived with a friend years ago and I took over the lease myself. She didn't get her deposit back until I moved out and it was sent to me