Feeling alone and vulnerable at Christmas

[Sparklybutold]

Who else has felt this? I have a DH and 2 kids. We both lucked out on family. I'm estranged and DH has an emotionally unavailable and distant family. We both work hard (although this financially, bears no resemblance to our actual quality of life). We are currently both off but all of us have come down with a vomiting bug. I'm currently sitting with my DD whilst my DH and DS sleep and feel incredibly alone. It's moments like this where I feel so vulnerable and alone. Anyone else become acutely aware how having no family completely sucks?

I don’t think people aren’t empathetic in general to having mum burnout and a virus in the house. We all know how shit that is. But OP seems to feel unduly hard done by, and unaware of how normal her situation actually is (I don’t know if that makes her feel better but maybe it will).

I also think the use of the word ‘vulnerable’ has got people rolling their eyes, I clicked on this expecting a thread by a single disabled person without a soul to care about them at Christmas feeling very low. Instead it’s a married mum of 2 who is a bit fed up as her family are sick and she doesn’t feel her MIL has been as nice as she wanted. She isn’t ‘vulnerable’ in any sense.

Thankyou.

❤️

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@Cuppasoupmonster

I think sadly you have assumed that I am not vulnerable. I understand I have only given you a glimpse of my life, but you have made a judgement on whether my perception of feeling vulnerable is worthy or not. I do feel vulnerable and I shouldn't have to validate that for you.

You’ve been rejecting of your mil here. Maybe you’re like that in real life. It makes it hard to be close when nothing you do is right or enough.

I think I know where you’re coming from. I have a lot of friends with close family (both emotionally and geographically!) and I feel quite envious of the help they receive on a regular basis. Just things like picking up the kids from school once a week or taking them for the day while you sort out the house. They seem like such little things but actually they would make a massive difference to me and I think some people who get that support possibly take it for granted a little bit.

I can assure you I am not. I have spent years tirelessly trying to create a connection. They really just don't have the capacity.

I agree. I see this often, or hear about it.

Well you do because you’ve asked if you’re being unreasonable to feel that way, and we can only judge on the info in your OP (I’m not one to trail through your posting history). Unless you’re about to drip feed something, your OP does not paint a picture of a vulnerable person. Just a fed up one!

I also totally know what you mean about your Mil's text. That kind of thing is all about context. The context that we, as readers of your post, don't have and you do. Sometimes empty words of support feel worse than no words at all. If someone says 'I'm always here if you need me' it can be immensly comforting if you felt they really would be there to support you. If you know they absolutely wouldn't be willing to offer any help in reality the hollow words can feel like a kick in the teeth.

Hi OP

currently recovering from norovirus so I don’t have much energy to reply properly but yes I hear you and I can totally relate.

this is the trickiest time of year by far.

my friends have become my family, but at Christmas they all have their real families.

you’re not the only one xx

Sorry, don't get this. You aren't alone. Some people genuinely are.

Hi Op
I know how you feel, I am not close to my birth/adoptive families, its at certain times when I am really struggling,
that I wish I came from a family backgrounds which is better ,more supportive, not like the family backgrounds I come which, is difficult/ highly dysfunctional, and has messed my head up Cause of it.

I think it's far too much idealised / something that its not, the word family is seriously loaded word,
It doesn't match reality really

Hi Op
Thanks doing this thread, for giving me the opportunity with your thread to express how I feel, and know that I am not on my own feeling like that at times.
Take care

Exactly this. I know my dads a shit. Hence NC. But the complete inability to see how hurtful continued empty words are. Sadly DH's mum and dad are all about appearance but they don't see the harm they have done in terms of hollow words. I know I will never do this to my own children.

Absolutely spot on with although we have friends, they understandably have there own commitments at Christmas. Keeping going, despite feeling like crap, does feel vulnerable. The book stops at me. And by virtue there no one there for me.

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Poor you OP. I'm estranged with my family not through choice. Christmas brings up all sorts of awful emotions. Every day I keep seeing everyone enjoying their families and it does feel very isolating especially when I eventually see the rest of society and have to own up to a shitty Christmas only to hear their joyous tales.
It's just a few days a year though. I have been ill as well as dh last couple of weeks and dc had to occupy themselves despite being little for most of their holidays so far. It is what it is. I feel personally getting overly down isn't worth it. I've gone lc with MIL as it's not really her fault but she's not the friendliest person and leaves me feeling even more low about having no family. Dh doesn't bother with her either though so that's easier.
I just tell myself the season is nearly over and the non sick and super busy days will be back in swing to take my mind off it all, all the best OP

Thank you for your kind words and you definitely seem to get it. People I think try and mean well when they say but you have family - your DH and DC. Whilst for the majority of times having families of origin themselves. They just don't get it. Having one does not automatically replace the other. Being estranged occurs because of living in all n intoerable situation that eventually gives you no choice but to separate. This decision goes against everything I am. I am left with a legacy of shame which I have to work at daily to ensure that these feelings don't swamp me to the extent I don't jump in the nearest lake.

I think family members are like licorice all sorts,
Some/or a few you really like / get on better, if you lucky one member at least, could be like a kindred spirit to you,
and the rest of them, can either linger on like a toxic fart cloud, that you can't quite shift,no matter how hard you try to,💩
Others are about as useful/useless as damp squib, 🤔😏

Hi Op
I can really relate to you about your father being Shit, my birth father is one too a shit,

My Adoptive father is a pretty odd guy too, stand offish, can be sensitive, but also quite often be a massive head fuck too, used to have very low expectations of me, putting me down, quite often,saying all I was good for was wiping people's back sides in elderly people's homes,
What a trash father,he turned out to be, more concerned about looking after his own personal needs, even when my wonderful mum died from cancer when I was in mid teens, he was out courting,his now wife
I can't stand him his guts,
What a pair of Arseholes both of them turned out to be.
I could tell you more, how trash adoptive father is, what my auntie said about him,she can't stand him too,