Feeling alone and vulnerable at Christmas

[Sparklybutold]

Who else has felt this? I have a DH and 2 kids. We both lucked out on family. I'm estranged and DH has an emotionally unavailable and distant family. We both work hard (although this financially, bears no resemblance to our actual quality of life). We are currently both off but all of us have come down with a vomiting bug. I'm currently sitting with my DD whilst my DH and DS sleep and feel incredibly alone. It's moments like this where I feel so vulnerable and alone. Anyone else become acutely aware how having no family completely sucks?

I'm a single mum and I'm currently sat alone because my children are with their dad today I'm feeling unwell. I moved to this place for my exhusband and our relationship broke down in less than a year.
I miss my family, I have no one here at all. I can't just nip round and see them and I am completely without a friend in the world I could go to right now for help. I have lovely work colleagues but that's about it I struggle to make friends because I'm always with my children as their dad let's them down a lot so can never make plans because i have to let people down a lot.

It's awful i feel the lowest today I have in a long time.
I completely get the feeling of feeling alone and vulnerable and just wanting someone to give you a big hug and reassure you that everything is OK.

I also think it's possible to be in a relationship and feel just as much alone if the support isn't there emotionally. I definitely felt this way living here with my ex before he left us.

Sorry you're having a crappy time

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Why are you being so snarky to people making perfectly reasonable comments? You sound incredibly touchy. You're ill at Christmas and that's rubbish, it really is. Your MIL send you a nice though not terribly helpful text. I hope you all feel better soon but there's no need to be so rude to people.

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Thank you. Did you have a nice Christmas with your kids?

@alanabennett because some responses are just unnecessary and shirty.. I've spent a lifetime just saying ok.

You can’t expect everyone in life to dance to your tune though. Your IL’s probably think you’re strange or communicate in a way they don't like. People are individuals with positives and faults. You either accept them as they are or go NC & leave yourself all alone which is what you’ve done.

It was a question. You can’t choose your family but you can focus on developing strong, close friendships. Lots of people have no family or small family or far away family or emotionally distant family and so they focus on friendship. Don’t you have any friends?

@ComtesseDeSpair sorry CDS - my response was unnecessary. I'm just feeling crappy. I do actually. This post has prompted me to message them actually.

OP you sound down & you're perhaps putting too much emphasis on family support due to being at a low ebb.
You're not alone. You have a family - your dh & dc.
How you handle your family life will provide a blueprint for your dc going forwards & its wise to remember this. Stop looking at the negatives & start building positive, healthy relationships as you go on.
I understand its hard but you have thr power to change this. We live 300km from my family so contact is mainly by phone/ message & a handful of visits a year.
We're 100km round trip from dhs family who are pretty dysfunctional anyway & have never played a supportive role in our lives at all.
Our dc is now a teen & we both work so completely get the struggle of juggling all that with little external help.
However we made a huge conscious decision to create as good & rich a life for our dc as possible. We make a big deal of all the occasions- Christmas, Easter, Halloween, birthdays etc. Never not bothering with much because 'it's just us'
We very frequently have friends over & we've built v good friendships & maintained them over the years.
When dc was little we befriended their friends parents & had then over with their dc a lot.
We created a busy bustling home just workout daily/ weekly family input. Our dc never felt we were isolated.
All of this takes conscious effort but it can be done.
There are many people who are genuinely alone & it's important to recognise that you are not one of them. You're fortunate enough to have a dh & dc around you

I know what you mean OP. It's not that anyone could necessarily physically help when you have a vomitting bug but it'd be nice to have a mum/sister/aunt who you could just call up and vent to or drop off some chicken soup. It's just the emotional connection rather than physical help.

I often feel the same OP. I have family but none that I'm close to or could call up randomly for a chat. I feel really envious of friends who have really close families who can all lean on each other.

Are you not happy in your marriage op? I just ask because you're saying you feel alone? I've felt alone in a relationship before but we didn't live together and he was flaky and unreliable.

It's funny how we all feel alone in different circumstances. I dropped my dd at her dad's on boxing day then came home and got into bed as I felt so alone. I thought sleeping would make the day pass. I'd love to have a dh living with me and kids happily, poorly or not.

Me and my partner have noone but us and our kids his dad unknown his mother only by name passed away. His 5 brothers one slept with the ex wife and because they all work together well he get preferences on invites :/ my dad nowhere to be seen in 36 years no contact with my mum we have to make the best of what we have there's only us in our corner sometimes it's just better that way . Half the threads on hear with massive families don't sound that happy anyway :) I hope you all feel better soon x

Well you’re on AIBU so I don’t know why you seem so offended and surprised that people disagree with your level of outrage.

You’re not vulnerable, you’re just having a crappy few days. Lots of families cope with 2 parents and little family help, it’s just the way it is for many. The illness is probably making everything feel black as night but you’re being a bit woe-is-me to be honest.

And previous posters are right, what do you actually expect your MIL to do?

I genuinely don't understand your "so vulnerable and alone. Anyone else become acutely aware how having no family completely?"

You have a husband, children, and in-laws at the very least; that's a family. I have none of these nor parents. I don't consider you as having no family at all.

Just to say, my dad lives abroad and NC with mum because she’s a horrific person. So no help there. I do know how it feels but we just have to get on with it. I count myself lucky to be in a couple and share the load, you should as well.

Ignore lots of the responses here OP. I can never tell if some of the people who leave such unampethetic responses just aren't able to pick up the tone or nuance of postsor whether they just enjoy being unpleasant (probably a bit of both) but in actual fact your post was clear at least to me. You're sick and it would be nice to have a larger support network beyond your immediate family. Someone outside of your household that you could really lean on for emotional support.

Of course it's not a unique problem or the worst situation to be in but it's a totally normal way to feel at this time of year and when you're unwell. A normal response would be to offer the OP sympathy or simply not bother engaging with the post if you can't do that. Not have a go at her or point out that others have it worse - she knows that!

Your MIL's message sounds well intentioned. They may very well be emotionally cold, but then so are many people. It really depends on your own standards, values and background.

Why does she need ‘emotional support’? They’ve got the flu. Does anybody get through normal life challenges anymore without counselling and a ‘support network’ (whatever that is)?

Aaah the empathy brigade are out in force today.

Your feelings are valid, OP. Unfortunately, you are going to get very little support on AIBU, especially at the moment.

It should not be a race to the bottom, and just because you have at least a DH or a text from someone doesn't mean your feelings are any less valid.

It's a crap time of year anyhow, and the weather is bleak. Hope you feel better soon.

OP I hear you. It’s hard juggling work and kids and everything else with no family support. I am thankful for my little family but it gets me down when everyone else seemingly has a support network. Our friends have fallen by the wayside along with any social life, so you are lucky to still have them. These threads give me a lot of comfort we are not the only ones tbh! I totally get what you are saying and hope you get better soon

You are absolutely right about setting the standard and making the effort for the kids. I do have friends. Good friends too. We relocated a few years back. This was hard as we had a fantastic support network, well I did, as my husband worked away. By best friend even bought a house a few roads over. I feel a little angry at the fact we moved really. Especially as it was back where I grew up which has horrible memories. I literally live 10 minutes away from where my mum was buried and where I spend a childhood being abused. It's shit.

Because this is a forum for people to offer support to each other. 99% of the posts are from people going through totally normal life issues and asking for advice and support on them. If you're such an empathetic person you can't muster up anything supportive to say to someone eunless they have a life or death problem why not just jog on?

Some people have a large network of friends or family to lean on for emotional support when they're feeling a bit low, others don't and look to places like this. It's completely normal to feel a bit down because you're ill or because it's Christmas or whatever and to ask for a kind word or bit of support. That's how normal humans work. Why on earth you think being kind to each other is such an imposition is beyond me. Why take the time and trouble to write nasty comments that you know won't be helpful?

I love my husband. But he struggles with his mental health and can tap out. I do spend a lot of emotional energy on him, as does he with me. I have a lot of emotional baggage which he has always had responds to with live and empathy.

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