To not tell me wife about our financial situation

[confusedinlondon]

Long story but my wife and I are in a sorry financial situation. We have nothing left at the end of the month and we want to move to a house for the kids but we won’t be able to afford this due to our spending.
We make ok money but it’s the discretionary spending that is killing. After paying the mortgage and bills (council, energy, phone, internet) we have £1800 per month to spend and we spent it all…. If we have £400 left over one month it will be spent the next

It’s mainly my wife who is doing the spending.
I have spoken to her numerous times and she just won’t engage, she’ll claim everything she spends money on is essential. Any discussion where I suggest we spend less will result in her either crying or becoming engaged.
I just can’t be bother to have the same discussions again and again as she isn’t interested. I am partly minded to just set up separate accounts and just leave a set amount in there for her to spend as she pleases And just try sort out stuff myself.

@Talaforniababe I'm the one who spends £195pcm on hair, clothes and make-up. I gave it as an example of how I could imagine getting through 1800pcm.

We don't have enough information about the overall income, what each party earns, number of dc and budget overall.

FWIW I spend my money on myself as I chose and it has nothing whatsoever to do with my DH. All bills accounted for and I also save.

When the dc were small and I wasn't working, I used to keep all receipts in a little box with a monthly summary. DH used to give me a cheque at the end of the month. Usually included:

Dinner money
Children's clothes and food
Children's activities (beavers, rainbows, swimming, music)
Birthday presents
Haircuts
Dentist
Optician
Prescriptions
Kumon
Bits for the house: if we needed a new kettle, towels, etc)
Odd jobs on the house
Petrol/service/new tyre

DH and I have similar views to spending and trust each other. He never once queried anything and that's what mattered. Fortunately he is both realistic and non controlling.

I'm going back 25 years but I think a light month was about £550 (summer holidays) a heavy month £1200 (Christmas, major work on the car), beginning of every term was also high as it included that term's dinner money and subs for activity.

All I'm trying to say is that a lot of men Don't appreciate the cost of family life once once the mortgage, utilities, council tax and insurances are paid.

"All I'm trying to say is that a lot of men Don't appreciate the cost of family life once once the mortgage, utilities, council tax and insurances are paid."

ITA! DH went to do the food shopping, once just after the birth of DS. He came back jubilant, that he had managed to get the shopping for £35 - much less, he said than I spent! I pointed out, that he had mainly bought junk like crisps and sweets - there was no proper food, never mind relatively expensive items like coffee and washing powder! He is also under the impression that women can buy a blouse from M & S for about £5! He was earning 6 figures!

I would strongly recommend getting your wife involved in drawing up your joint budget together, otherwise you will get no buy in whatsoever from her.

Same here. Funnily enough, even though I’m now on my own and earning way less than him, I’m still better off than I was when we were together.

I did notice that too… I had far more disposable money when living on my much smaller salary after divorce than with the same salary while married to someone earning far far more than me. I guess he also omitted to notice that I was paying for his food and house maintenance.

Why don’t you try having separate bank accounts (where your salaries go into) but then you both transfer money into the joint account to cover bills, food shop and things for the children?