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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just stop cooking

73 replies

FatherTedUncious · 27/12/2022 11:58

I used to love cooking. I have hundreds of recipe books, love watching cooking programmes, love eating. I'm genuinely excited by well cooked food with good ingredients. However, I am just... not good at it.
I misread, miss vital steps, don't have the right ingredients so substitute and hope for the best. My success rate is about 20% edible to 80% awful. Today I wanted to cook waffles for the kids as I have a nice memory of doing this a few Christmases ago and it was one of my rare successes.
I just made the recipe and it was an absolute disaster. Waffle mix pouring out if the side, tried to turn it into pancakes which also tasted horrible and burnt but were also undercooked. I'm sure if I analyse every recipe that goes wrong I can identify what went wrong but I just don't have the time, money, energy to go through it.
We are skint and todays disaster cost me two loads of washing up, oil, eggs, butter, flour, sugar, vanilla extract. I could cry if I added it all up. I'm just not good at it.
I'm not really good at anything and I hopelessly cling to cooking as something I could half do alright. It made me feel wholesome and resourceful. But I'm just not that person.
I think I should stick to pasta sauces and stir fry, even though I occasionally cock those up too.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 27/12/2022 14:41

Honestly, timers are my best friend. I too will often over cook stuff, burn stuff etc, but since Alexa came about plus the fact phones can now do timers, I rely on them heavily in order to get all cooking times right.

badgermushrooms · 27/12/2022 14:42

It's not that there are more things to go wrong with baking, it's that there are less opportunities to spot something wrong and then get back on the right track. Once your mix/dough is too wet for example it can be really hard to fix without emptying an entire extra bag of flour into it.

If you want to get good at baking you need to go through a period of following recipes to the letter, ideally from a book by someone old school like Mary Berry rather than random online stuff so there's less likelihood of weird typos. Once you've done that a lot you're more likely to know when something is not right in time to stop it, for example noticing that the substitute almond flour you're using is not behaving like normal flour and so you might need to adjust the balance of liquids. The best baker I know keeps notebooks and tries the same things over and over again with small tweaks to ingredients and techniques until he gets it how he wants it - it's a science.

Overthebow · 27/12/2022 14:47

OP says she doesn’t have ADHD. Ffs everyone is good at different things, just because someone isn’t good at something does not mean ADHD. People need to stop doing this on all threads.

FluffyWinterKittens · 27/12/2022 14:55

There is a strong genetic component to ADHD, so if OP's DD has it, there's actually a reasonable chance OP does, too. Everything OP describes sounds very similar to me and I happen to have a diagnosis of ADHD. I'm mostly hyper-focussed at work (as a lawyer, attention to detail is absolutely vital) but keep locking myself out, forgetting my umbrella or the shopping list I've just written, regularly lose my phone, forget to pay bills on time and my time planning is atrocious. I can spend hours completely engrossed in very niche things I happen to have an interest in, but managing easy and boring day to day stuff is often a real struggle.

As previous posters have said, baking is a totally different ball game to cooking. As an experienced cook you can easily swap out ingredients and skim-reading a new recipe will usually be good enough. In baking all of that is usually a bad idea. I'm a pretty decent cook but about 50% of my bakes tend to go a bit wrong because I couldn't be bothered to properly follow the recipe yet again.

Onnabugeisha · 27/12/2022 14:56

Waffle mix pouring out if the side, tried to turn it into pancakes which also tasted horrible and burnt but were also undercooked. I'm sure if I analyse every recipe that goes wrong I can identify what went wrong but I just don't have the time, money, energy to go through it.
We are skint and todays disaster cost me two loads of washing up, oil, eggs, butter, flour, sugar, vanilla extract.

You poor dear! First, your recipe is a bad one. Waffles are made of melted butter, self raising flour, milk and 1 egg per 6 waffles. No sugar, no oil.

If the waffle mix is pouring out the side then it’s probably you put too much batter in the waffle iron and/or the batter is too thin. Next time that happens, just let it ooze out, don’t panic and do not open the waffle iron until it stops steaming. If a waffle appears, you’ve simply put too much batter in and can adjust until you know your waffle iron better. If a flat pitiful approximation of a waffle appears, your batter is too thin.

Now, waffle batter is thicker than pancake batter. So if you change your mind, you’d need to thin the waffle batter with a bit of milk until it gets to pancake batter consistency.

I wouldn’t give up. I have ADHD and what helps is using the recipe as a guide and learning by doing. Practice makes perfect. You will eventually get a fee
for different batters, cake mixes and doughs as to what feels right for the cooking method you’ll be using. You will get to a level where you will be able to tell if a recipe is off or not. I have notes in lots of my recipe books correcting recipes.

dcut · 27/12/2022 14:57

OP says she doesn’t have ADHD. Ffs everyone is good at different things, just because someone isn’t good at something does not mean ADHD. People need to stop doing this on all threads
This is the first thread I've ever posted on and suggested ADHD. It's not about not being good at cooking. It's about seemingly not being able to organize the ingredients for the recipe, such as by checking whether she has flour for waffles before beginning. It's about not being to follow recipe steps. And it's about her other examples of things like burning toast because she's distracted by other tasks in the mornings. The OP herself says she isn't good at anything - so if you're not good at anything you might want to ask yourself why and is there an underlying issue which is causing difficulties in various areas.
If she doesn't have ADHD and has had this confirmed by a medical professional, then she needs to sort herself out because it sounds absolutely chaotic.
If she has never been tested for ADHD it might be a good idea to look into it.

FatherTedUncious · 27/12/2022 15:03

Without being too outing, I work for a team of consultant psychiatrists and have done for three years. If I had ADHD, one of them would have suggested seeking a diagnosis. I have answered all the questions on the DIVA and asked my mum to answer the background history part, not telling her what it was for to try to get honest answers. There may be some traits but I do not think I fit the criteria as it was not present in childhood. I believe there is a certain amount of people nowadays wanting to have ADHD these days to explain why they can't mentally juggle being a full time working, parent, partner, friend, colleagues. Human beings have never had to mentally hold such a heavy load and in all honesty I think it's beyond some of us to be able to do so.
Cooking by reading big blocks of text is obviously something I struggle with, as I don't find the context stimulating enough. I can read books cover to cover without stopping so I don't struggle with all texts, so it's not the medium per se. It's the content.

OP posts:
dcut · 27/12/2022 15:08

Ok, thanks for that explanation about the ADHD.

I posted above about covering up the steps on the recipe and just looking at one at a time. Maybe that will help because you won't have such a big block of text to read.

I'm not really good at anything and I hopelessly cling to cooking as something I could half do alright. It made me feel wholesome and resourceful. But I'm just not that person

There must be something you are good at!

VioletLemon · 27/12/2022 15:15

Could it be that you have trouble processing the info in recipes. I find I love reading cook books but would massively struggle to follow recipe. I struggle with instructions of all kinds anyway. But, I found going on Pinterest and searching the thing I want or even putting 3 ingredients in search bar and adding 'video' is really helpful. Watching the steps via Tik Tok or YouTube is easy to remember. Don't give up something you enjoy! Just keep it simple. Italian, Japanese dishes can be v simple.

FatherTedUncious · 27/12/2022 15:16

@dcut I'm good at useless stuff! Playing pretend with my kids, remembering the lyrics to 90's boyband songs, writing stories, being spontaneous, forgetting things, 'going with the flow', making small talk. Nothing which helps me in life.
And yes my life is chaos lol.

OP posts:
aintnothinbutagstring · 27/12/2022 15:20

Pancakes are easier than waffles - as long as you have a good non stick pan. American pancake recipe from BBC good food is super easy. I don't really do recipes for much other than baking but I'll read through a couple of times first - best to have things prepped, oven preheated etc. I find some people who can't cook well are not very good/attentive to controlling or adjusting the heat of their oven - I don't know, using a bit of initiative rather than blindly following a recipe. And taste what you're cooking as you go along. It is all trial and error if you're using new recipes though - and I can understand the stress if you're on a tight budget.

Squamata · 27/12/2022 15:29

OP I find I engage with a recipe more if I understand what different components are for - so waffles flour is the substance, milk makes it runny, egg binds it together. The irons would need to be a certain heat combined with a certain consistency of batter so it forms a crispy skin immediately on touching the hot metal, so it doesn't spill out the sides. (I've never actually made waffles so conjecturing! But I've persevered with pancakes and now can make them with my eyes closed, lockdown was good for endless repetition of easy recipes until I cracked them!)

So with waffles you got in a flap but you could have paused and asked yourself if the batter was too runny. With experience you'd have known if it was, or if the irons weren't hot enough.

With recipes if you don't think of it as a series of steps but engage with what the affect of each step is, it's more interesting and harder to get wrong. So with cake you need to mix it in a certain order to prevent lumps, or to get the fat molecules mixing with the sugar, etc. You cook veg before adding water to make a sauce because it concentrates the flavour. Etc.

ANutAsBigAsABoulder · 27/12/2022 15:33

If your only issue is with baking, this is because it’s an exact science and you need to use the listed ingredients in the correct amounts to get the same end product. Baking isn’t like cooking at all. If you have almond flour instead of normal flour, it’s better to look for a new recipe for waffles using that flour as the mix of ingredients will need to be different. You can’t wing it with baking like you can with cooking 😀

Pothoswithasparkle · 27/12/2022 15:38

People need to
1-Read the thread
2-not call baking a cooking
😂

dcut · 27/12/2022 15:57

2-not call baking a cooking

You can hardly complain about people calling it cooking when cooking is in the title.
Anyway you don't bake waffles which is what the majority of this thread seems to be about

Pothoswithasparkle · 27/12/2022 16:00

dcut · 27/12/2022 15:57

2-not call baking a cooking

You can hardly complain about people calling it cooking when cooking is in the title.
Anyway you don't bake waffles which is what the majority of this thread seems to be about

That's what I meant

LifeExperience · 27/12/2022 16:13

OP, humans have a finite amount of mental energy before they need to recharge, and you're going over the limit on a daily basis. Your job is very complex and demands absolute precision, but you do that perfectly because you must-people's lives may depend on your accuracy.

Because having such a demanding job uses all your mental energy, there is none left for home life. This isn't a failing, you're just human.

My suggestion is, streamline, streamline, streamline. Find easy, direct ways to do things, then establish a routine and stick to it. For instance, find a "uniform" to wear to work so you don't have to think about that each day. Have 2 healthy breakfasts that you alternate for yourself and the children, etc. The goal being to get everyone up and out of the house without having to expend mental energy. Do the same for your evening routine. Figure out what works best, establish a SIMPLE routine, and stick to it.

LemonDrizzles · 27/12/2022 16:28

FatherTedUncious · 27/12/2022 12:09

@Sparklfairy I have a real problem with following instructions! In everything!

Could be the way the instructions are written, I.e. Too wordy.

For example, maybe re write them out such as
Step 1 = in small cup -> baking soda + vanilla + milk
Step 2 = in big bowl = Eggs + oil. + milk mixture.
Step 3= + sugar. Then slowly stir in flour.
Mix until smooth

The only recipes I rarely fail on are the ones that list the ingredients in the order they get added

Also see recipes that don't care if they are added in order, such as pumpkin pie.

Also... I have yet to find an American pancake recipe that consistently turns out well. I use the box stuff. I bake a lot of cakes from scratch (lemon drizzle, chocolate, Christmas, ginger nut, angel food) but cannot get a white/yellow/vanilla/Victoria sponge cake to turn out nice so I just get boxed. See also brownies.

FavouriteDogMug · 27/12/2022 17:49

I relate to this OP I have put loads of effort into cooking and never quite managed to get really good at it. I also have some of the same things I am good at and similar things I struggle with.

I guess we will never be the people who can suddenly think I know I will whip up this dessert from this cookbook/TV show, I never made before and it turns out perfect. But that doesn't mean giving up cooking altogether.

I think setting out to master a few recipes and only making them when you have time and everything is preplanned in advance, you have all the ingredients, correct pans etc, probably doesn't feel like you are a good cook but having a few specialities is still good. A lot of chefs and Italian Nonnas are known for a certain dish. I do think it's good to practice so try to keep baking regularly but only when you have time etc. Other times don't be afraid to buy a dessert or use a shortcut.

scottishnames · 27/12/2022 18:39

OP Did your mother/grandmother cook? Did they teach you? I think that (as part of a general undervaluing of traditionally female skills) this aspect of recent generations' education has been sadly overlooked. Some of my earliest memories are of "helping" my mother to cook. In that way, I learned something that is so important but very rarely mentioned in formal recipes: the almost living 'feel' of a correct mixture. To know what that is gives so much confidence and reassurance.

I agree with previous posters who suggest Delia. I think she is excellent. Precise, reliable, appetising. I also am a great admirer of Nigella. What she says about the feel and scent and general texture a food is also really important. Learn from both of them - pay attention! be precise! be sensuous! -then it is really quite difficult to go wrong.

I bake our bread and in an old cookery book there is an instruction to knead the dough until it resembles 'a milking breast'. That is, in my experience, a brilliant instruction. I have never found it to fail. But it's all about texture and experience. And - I think - paying attention.

If you find following a recipe difficult, just (as others have said) print it out and have it in front of you; get everything ready, then approach it calmly, step by step. Random extras or substitutions rarely work - why else would there be recipes? - especially when cooking cakes or pastry. A dear friend of mine - former head of department in home economics - explained this well. In a stew or similar, an extra carrot here or there does not matter. But cooking a cake is a precise chemical process. You have to use the exact ingredients, the correct oven temperature and (often overlooked, as a previous poster very correctly pointed out) but really, really important, the right sized baking tin.

You talk about pancakes and waffles- I've no idea of the precise quantities I use but I still find them really are easy. (I have been in hotels in Austria/Germany where there is a non-stick electric waffle iron as part of the breakfast buffet, and I have seen 10 year olds happily take a ladleful of the CORRECT mixture and cook their own waffles in just a few minutes. Just don't mess - they don't - with the basic PROPORTIONS of the recipe.)

For my own pancakes (waffles need a slightly stiffer mixture) , I just mix approx treble quantities by volume of flour and egg (three tablespoons flour to one large egg) beat well then add milk until the texture is like single cream. (Wholemeal flour will need more milk than light white flour - the bran it contains absorbs more water.) Then pour a small ladlefull into a lightly greased (I use olive oil) hot but not smoking pan. Tip until the mixture covers the pan surface in as thin as layer as possible. By now, you should be beginning to smell an appetising toasty smell. Wait a minute or two - concentrate! - until you can see the mixture curling a little around the edges. Loosen the pancake all round with a spatula or similar - don't force it; at the right temperature it should easily come free when it's nicely cooked - and turn it over; the bottom should be a nice light golden brown flecked colour. Wait another minute or so for the flipped side to cook then tip out on to a plate. Just practice a bit; I've been doing this since I was around six - of course it does not come easily at first. But use your senses of touch, feel and smell. The pancake can be whatever diameter you choose, so long as it is thin.

In an ideal world, find somone to show you. That's how female cooking and baking skills have traditionally been passed on, and there are few better ways of teaching practical cooking.

Iamnemesis · 02/03/2023 14:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Iamnemesis · 02/03/2023 14:07

Sorry wrong post was putting that on the biology result!😳

intrestedvic · 02/03/2023 15:29

I use tiktok for this as I have the same issue clearly shown out in about 60 seconds so I don't get bored and I re watch loads whilst I cook

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