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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give up cosleeping

39 replies

mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:18

My DD's dad has asked me to move in with him which I think would be lovely for everyone especially DD HOWEVER I don't think I'm ready to giving up cosleeping and not wake up to her little face & morning cuddles

I'm being really selfish aren't I

OP posts:
AkoraEdelherb · 27/12/2022 06:25

Why would you have to give up co-sleeping if you and the baby are still happy with it?

PriOn1 · 27/12/2022 06:25

No. They’re only small for a very short time. It’s lovely to enjoy it while you can. If he’s right for you, he’ll wait.

Original poster
mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:28

AkoraEdelherb · 27/12/2022 06:25

Why would you have to give up co-sleeping if you and the baby are still happy with it?

I'm not sure there would be enough room, we share a double atmo and I always end up hanging off the bed cause she's such a fidget. I just don't think it could work, but I suppose we could try

OP posts:
Relocatiorelocation · 27/12/2022 06:29

Surely you can discuss this with him and make a plan that works for you all?

Original poster
mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:29

PriOn1 · 27/12/2022 06:25

No. They’re only small for a very short time. It’s lovely to enjoy it while you can. If he’s right for you, he’ll wait.

I am inclined to agree!

OP posts:
Original poster
mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:31

Relocatiorelocation · 27/12/2022 06:29

Surely you can discuss this with him and make a plan that works for you all?

He does want to have his place decorated so I suppose that could be a good excuse to hold off moving in for a bit lol, until it's all finished

OP posts:
AkoraEdelherb · 27/12/2022 06:31

Does your partner have a second bedroom or sofa bed? You can still live together and sleep separately until baby is older, if that’s the easiest transition for you all.

Original poster
mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:37

AkoraEdelherb · 27/12/2022 06:31

Does your partner have a second bedroom or sofa bed? You can still live together and sleep separately until baby is older, if that’s the easiest transition for you all.

I suppose that could work but I would feel guilty agreeing to move in and then turfing him out of his own bed lol

OP posts:
harrassedmumto3 · 27/12/2022 06:38

At some point, you're actually going to have to consider your relationship Confused
I'd be fascinated to know the statistics on how many of these actually survive.

somewhereovertherain · 27/12/2022 06:41

My nice is 6 and still Comes in most nights. Be aware what you wish for.

Original poster
mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:43

harrassedmumto3 · 27/12/2022 06:38

At some point, you're actually going to have to consider your relationship Confused
I'd be fascinated to know the statistics on how many of these actually survive.

We haven't properly been in a relationship since DD was born 8 months ago but he's said he wants to give it a go, hence asking me to move in

OP posts:
Original poster
mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:43

somewhereovertherain · 27/12/2022 06:41

My nice is 6 and still Comes in most nights. Be aware what you wish for.

😂😂

OP posts:
AkoraEdelherb · 27/12/2022 06:45

mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:43

We haven't properly been in a relationship since DD was born 8 months ago but he's said he wants to give it a go, hence asking me to move in

Show quote history

You don’t give a relationship a go by moving in straight away, with a small baby even. That’s just a recipe for disaster. Had you already been in a serious relationship before baby was born?

Get to properly know this man before moving your daughter in with him on a whim. You can’t go from 8 months of nothing to living together. Put your baby first.

Original poster
mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:47

We were together for 2 years before DD was born, and then the relationship side of it fell apart but we've always been in contact/ friends

OP posts:
Olivetreebutter · 27/12/2022 06:51

mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:47

We were together for 2 years before DD was born, and then the relationship side of it fell apart but we've always been in contact/ friends

Thats even more reason to take it slowly. Why can't he spend a little more time around yours? Don't forget DD is at an age where she is making attachments. If you go through the upheaval of moving in and the relationship fails again (which you both accept it might as you say "try") think of the fall out on her when you have to move again. Is he her biological father?

Original poster
mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:52

I hear you - yes he is

OP posts:
DonutCrossMeIEatYou · 27/12/2022 06:54

mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:37

I suppose that could work but I would feel guilty agreeing to move in and then turfing him out of his own bed lol

Show quote history

I think the idea would be that you sleep on the spare bed! 🤣

Original poster
mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:55

Well that wouldn't work as it's a single lol

OP posts:
JingsMahBucket · 27/12/2022 06:55

Everything about this sounds doomed to fail and a little batshit. You’ll have to separate from your daughter at some point, otherwise it’s unhealthy for you and her. You’re using her as a crutch. And yes, why would you rush into integrating another person into this?

Original poster
mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:56

JingsMahBucket · 27/12/2022 06:55

Everything about this sounds doomed to fail and a little batshit. You’ll have to separate from your daughter at some point, otherwise it’s unhealthy for you and her. You’re using her as a crutch. And yes, why would you rush into integrating another person into this?

She's only 8 months and he's her dad. Confused?

OP posts:
PriOn1 · 27/12/2022 07:28

mcecih · 27/12/2022 06:47

We were together for 2 years before DD was born, and then the relationship side of it fell apart but we've always been in contact/ friends

Did he end it, or did you? I think I’d be wary of jumping back in when it didn’t work out before. Not to say it never can, but it sounds as if you are happy living alone with your daughter right now. If you move into his, then he has the power to kick you out. It’d be more inclined to try to work towards a more stable situation for you and your daughter.

SunshineAndFizz · 27/12/2022 07:31

If he's her dad, and you were in a relationship for 2 years and want to get back together, then surely all living together as a family unit has loads of benefits?

He'll be there when she wakes up, for bath time and breakfast time, for playing, for helping when she's poorly and generally forming a good father- daughter bond. (Assuming he's a good dad), to me this would be important and I'd try to make it work.

MintyFreshOne · 27/12/2022 08:19

It was unclear from your OP that he’s the bio dad. Does he intend to be in your DD’s life regardless of how your relationship progresses?

MeinKraft · 27/12/2022 08:21

If he won't accept the fact that you'll be in separate beds because you share a bed with your daughter, then he's not worth being with let alone moving in with.

UnpackThisMess · 27/12/2022 08:24

Stay as you are, don't move in together til more committed and keep cosleeping.