Page 2 | To not want to give up cosleeping

mcecih · 2022-12-27T06:18:54+00:00

My DD's dad has asked me to move in with him which I think would be lovely for everyone especially DD HOWEVER I don't think I'm ready to giving up cosleeping and not wake up to her little face & morning cuddles I'm being really selfish aren't I

PollyPut · 27/12/2022 09:52

On practical terms, you could consider getting a cot alongside the bed, which effectively makes it wider. It's also a step towards DD getting her own bed/room in the long run, which is harder to do as they get older.

But realistically, how sure are you that this is likely to be a long term relationship? It would be very confusing for the child to move house to her Dad's and then move out again later if it didn't work. Plus you need to think about where you would move out to again if the relationship isn't working. Where are you living now? Presumably with your parents given the ease with which you are talking about moving?

I'd be inclined not to do this just yet. It sounds like you are in a stable position right now and I'd work on the relationship more first

Simonjt · 27/12/2022 09:54

Get a bigger bed, we have five in ours if you include the cat, there may even be some good mattress deals on at the moment.

NoSquirrels · 27/12/2022 09:56

Leaving aside the co-sleeping (& I loved it too!), what are your current living arrangements and finances and how will they change/be impacted by moving in together?

Does he pay CM, do you get benefits, have you discussed how you’ll split bills and costs, etc etc

Starlightstarbright1 · 27/12/2022 10:01

Why on earth would you move in with someone your not in a relationship with ?

You need to Date. Not move in

Untitledsquatboulder · 27/12/2022 10:06

Maybe you should try making the relationship work before you uproot your dd and move in with him? How about you let him redecorate, buy a side by side cot for his double bed and try spending weekends there? See how that goes.

JoyBeorge · 27/12/2022 10:06

Perhaps have a read up on the dangers of co sleeping. It is associated with increased risk factors that I wouldn't be sleeping comfortably with myself.

Sapphire387 · 27/12/2022 10:09

I'd be wary of 'giving it a go', as though it's some sort of experiment. What's the plan if it doesn't work out- will you be homeless?

YouremywifenowTubs · 27/12/2022 10:12

harrassedmumto3 · 27/12/2022 06:38

At some point, you're actually going to have to consider your relationship
I'd be fascinated to know the statistics on how many of these actually survive.

21 years and 3 co sleeping children here.

20 year old until he was 5
8 year old until she was 4
We are still co sleeping with 2 and a half year old.

Why on earth would it affect my relationship? I’ve been told so many times over the years that my husband will leave me, but no one will tell my why he will up and leave. Especially considering that he’s all for co sleeping too.

I can only imagine that people think he’s sez starved, poor little man.

Only, you don’t have to shag in bed. Other places are available.

YouremywifenowTubs · 27/12/2022 10:12

I meant Sex, obviously, not sez.

Untitledsquatboulder · 27/12/2022 10:15

@YouremywifenowTubs maybe because not everyone enjoys cosleeping and some people find sharing a bed with their partner important (esp if it's their bed). I was all for co sleeping until I tried it. Adore my kids but it turns out that the only person I can cope with sharing a bed with is dh. And it's really not about sex it's about heat, scrabbling and kicking.

MintyFreshOne · 27/12/2022 10:17

JoyBeorge · 27/12/2022 10:06

Perhaps have a read up on the dangers of co sleeping. It is associated with increased risk factors that I wouldn't be sleeping comfortably with myself.

Dangers of co-sleeping are exaggerated but public health (as usual) don’t give a nuanced picture of it, but just tell mothers not to do it.

Especially as co-sleeping deaths include figures from those sleeping on sofas or armchairs or the like.

YouremywifenowTubs · 27/12/2022 10:19

Untitledsquatboulder · 27/12/2022 10:15

@YouremywifenowTubs maybe because not everyone enjoys cosleeping and some people find sharing a bed with their partner important (esp if it's their bed). I was all for co sleeping until I tried it. Adore my kids but it turns out that the only person I can cope with sharing a bed with is dh. And it's really not about sex it's about heat, scrabbling and kicking.

Yes, but that’s YOUR life. I would never tell anyone to co sleep. It’s none of my business what they do or where they put their children to sleep.

But when you say you co sleep, there are a lot of people who make it their business to tell
you that you are wrong, your husband will leave you, you are making a rod for your own back, make assumptions about your relationship on and on and on without considering the same, that it’s YOUR life choice. It’s usually so negative.

RoseGoldEagle · 27/12/2022 10:28

What does you partner feel about cosleeping OP? I think it works when partners are in agreement with it, but causes problems when partners are resentful (I’ve coslept with all 3 of mine, still am with youngest, but DH is all for it as it just means all of us get the most sleep that way, but if he was against it I can see where issues could creep in. You just have to be a bit more inventive at ours times is all, which can be fun!) If he’s happy in theory with the idea- I’d agree to look at the option of a bigger bed so you can all be in together, or otherwise see what he thinks of sleeping in the spare single during this phase- it really doesn’t last forever.

NoNamesLeft234678 · 29/12/2022 19:54

Co-sleeping isn't selfish at all. You are giving your baby (and yourself) comfort, warmth and safety every night. Me and dp cosleep with ds every night and he is 16 months. We have no plans to move him anytime soon. His room is currently set up as a playroom.