Suggested divorce settlement by my husband ? fair or no ?

[anymathsheadsonhere]

I have my three teens who live with me full time. We live in the family home. My husband left three years ago for affair partner. He pays e600 per month towards all of their expenses. Their expenses far exceed e1200 per month, so I supplement. He suggested earlier that he receives 50% equity of house in divorce and that he will not apply for any part of my pension( worthe13k to him) and a share of a shared property owned equally with my siblings (worth e50k to him) I earn e65k per year. He is self employed and I suspect that he earns similar but its mostly cash in hand. He hasn't been honest about his income. He has had four holidays since June, yet refuses to pay for any medical or education fees as agreed in separation. The entirety of my salary goes on my children's and my needs. House is worth e350k and there are five years left on mortgage. It is equally owned. Is this a fair spilt? I have invested e15k in the house since we moved in here.

I'm sorry, I don't know how Irish law works so can't advise anything there.

I can well imagine that your teens cost you more than the "half" you put in. Absolutely. And if they are living with you, and you only, it's unlikely they will flit at 18 and never come home again.

It's right that your ex continues paying into the mortgage if he is expecting 50/50. Why should you pay everything for this shared asset,?

I think the only thing you can do is trust your solicitor's advice.

Basically, women tend to settle for much less than they are due, in my experience. You get the odd one who goes hell for leather but mostly... Not. And they come off worse because they suck up lots of hidden child rearing costs and also have generally compromised their earning power/ pension when kids were small.

I'm imagining you potentially have some sort of public service pension? If so, then this will be valuable to him, particularly if he's a flighty sort who took the £ and didn't regularise it or pay into a pension.

By all means listen to your solicitor and take their advice over anyone on mumsnet but, if you were in the UK, you would be very unlikely to get 75% of joint marital assets. Even in situations where the father leaves and does nothing for the children it's rare for the woman to be awarded more than 60%, particularly where both parties earn a similar amount. Where one party (usually the mother) stays in the marital home it is usually subject to an order which gives the other party their share of the equity when the children reach 18 if they cannot immediately buy out the other party on divorce.

The law in Ireland may be different. But on the face of it, purely from a legal point of view and on limited information, his offer looks quite reasonable. In the UK the courts could easily award a straight 50/50 split of all assets in your circumstances.

Divorce solicitors do tend to tell you the best case scenario for your case and don't always mind if you end up in a protracted legal battle and going to court. Court is stressful, time consuming, unpredictable and expensive. I think it's worth avoiding if you possibly can (though it sounds like you have no co-parenting relationship with your ex and therefore are not at risk of destroying that at least i.e. it may not matter that much if it gets acrimonious).

Yes it's a public service pension. I delayed my own professional development to support his own education and training for his work while also raising my children almost single handedly...A story as old as time.No regrets though...better not bitter! Thank God I was always independent and kept my full time work.

Your solicitor benefits from a drawn out legal dispute. So be careful about taking any advice that will ultimately do this e.g. seek 75% equity.

I completely agree that she will gain more and she wants to go for the jugular, so to speak. I don't. I want my children educated and provided for until they are finished third level education. It's really that simple for me. You cannot get blood from a stone though !I also respect that he has his own rental and expenses.

Also, a good idea when considering his offer is to think through or get advice on the worst possible scenario in court and the best possible scenario i.e. how much would you realistically gain by fighting it and how much do you stand to lose if it didn't go your way including any costs and then think about what you can live with.

If there is any possibility of the court awarding him 50% of all of your assets (probably the realistic worst case scenario in the UK) what would that look like for you and is it therefore a risk worth taking? And correspondingly how much better would your life be if you got more than what he is offering?

You are asking for too much. Your pension and share in the other property are matrimonial assets too. That said, he might settle if you can buy him out for less cash now rather than more later. If I were.you I would offer him 40% of the equity now if you can possibly raise it. He is far more likely to take that than wait for the house to be sold and get a more realistic 50%

I don't buy all this ' best solicitor'stuff. I used to hear that a lot in England when i practised and i can't imagine the Irish system is massively different. The law is the law

Hi I'm in Ireland too.
So he can't claim that because you are going to ask for his last three years of accounts and show family income vs outgoings which will show a gap between earned and spent. You can account for yours but he can't. That's your lever. If you press that he risks revenue audit which will cost him more than he wants from you. I'd ask for those accounts to be presented and get a good accountant to prepare a report. He then commits to better terms and no draw in your future earning or face revenue investigation. I'd take a cheaper divorce if I was him..Is your solicitor a solicitor or barrister? There's a great family law barrister who might be worth speaking to in Dublin. She is well regarded

That's a bit silly. She's not asking for too much. She is asking for her kids to be equally supported until after college by their father. Which bit of that is excessive?

She is overlooking two significant matrimonial assets in all of this; her pension and her interest in another property.

@Member869894 That is absolutely not the case in Ireland. In my experience the law is the law is open to which ever judge you get on the day and a big part of that is the solicitor and barrister you have. Add to it that's family law well its anyone s guess.

The costs for the children is absolutely in line with rasing teenagers in Ireland. My health insurance is over e3 k alone a year. Extra circular activities over e2000 a year. With out day to day schooling, clothes, day to medical costs etc. Third level fees min 3k per year never mind housing costs with no guarantee of grants. No child maintenance service.

@anymathsheadsonhere a forensic account will drag it out and cost a fortune.

While you well might be entitled to 75 % especially as you will be housing the children along with the additional funds you have put into the home since he left.
I would probably instruct your solicitor to make an offer of 55/45 in your favour with you keeping your pension and no spousal support agreed. With your barrister or solicitor telling his off the record there will no further investigation into his actual earnings which well if they don't check out may result in a surprise audit from revenue.

If he doesn't agree I would probably take my chances and go ahead with the forensic account etc.

Fair ? Maybe not completely but 75% would only go ahead if he has no solicitor . You could probably a I’ve 60% within the same framework if no pension and no shared house part .

Given that solicitors tend to be extreme because they want a long drawn out battle that they can collect fees on, I wouldn’t go for 75% of the family home.

I think his offer of 50% of the home, and he doesn’t touch your other assets is a good initial offer that you can work with.

Id counter offer
-Yes to 50% of the home but you and teen DCs remain in it until youngest DC finishes FT education or graduates with a bachelors degree, whichever comes first. Then you will sell it, and he gets 50% of the equity. This means you can both take your shares and buy adequate housing by downsizing. He is still to pay 50% of mortgage, but if he cannot, then you calculate what 50% of equity is now or as of the date payments cease based on the current market value and that is the lump sum he gets when it’s later sold.

-He is still to pay €600/mo towards the teen DCs until they cease FT education or graduate with a bachelors, whichever comes first. If he cannot, then this amount becomes a debt that will be deducted from any equity he has in the family home.

For sure, but she can choose to gift her share in the property to her siblings and he cannot do anything about that. Or they could buy her out for her share at a low valuation.
Her pension is at play but the fact is this guy has under declared his income for years to his advantage.

1. In paying less tax when it was owed and due.
2. It has understated his contribution to the household if he contributed in cash which is now beneficial to him.
3. If he understated income then how did he pay a mortgage that he wants 50% of the value of? He did that fraudulently.

I'd leave him dead in his tracks with his demands and focus his mind on preparing a good case for revenue to audit.

Also @Member869894 as someone who used solicitors in Ireland and the UK I can tell you the vast majority I have met in Ireland were unable to think strategically and sent to Kings Inns by daddy to keep the family practice afloat. It's a shallow pool for choice so she could have an absolute dope advising her. I'd go big guns plus accountant.

I can't advise at all but you do have a solicitor for a reason. I'd listen to her. Even if you're happy with less, is it possible that your solicitor is going for the principle of ask for more than you want so you have room to negotiate down? That is the best way to make sure everyone feels they win.

Chasing the extra share in property has solicitor fees written all over it
given he won’t go after other property or pension I’d take that offer
could drag on for years each year teen getting nearer adulthood where there needs will not be taken into account for settlement

is it worth all the shit in the long run
a solicitor will advise you but don’t forget they will literally be lining there pockets on the back of there advice

he’s paying 600e plus 1/2 a mortgage then for somewhere to house himself and his own living expenses all that will be taken into account

Why on earth are you asking advice on Irish family law on a UK website? The systems are different. Eg no CMS, so without a good solicitor you could get much less than under UK CMS but with a good one you can get much more. Also I don’t think 50:50 is quite so much the starting point, maintenance is also paid to 23 rather than 18, and payment for private school fees (which are cheaper than the UK) dentist and medical costs can be ordered on top of maintenance. I really wouldn’t ask for advice here.

Why shouldn't she ask for advice? There are plenty of Mumsnetters who are from outside the UK. It's not costing you or anyone else anything for the OP to ask for some much-needed help, perhaps someone will be able to assist her. It's not as if Mumsnet has a big sign on the front door saying "No forrin questions allowed"...

You must follow your solicitor's advice to secure the lion's share of the house. Your ex husband does the minimum with his children, you have the physical and mental support of them which must be tiring, stressful and time consuming. He's strolled off to his life a deux while you work your butt off. If you give in to his demands, in a few years you will regret you did not listen to the professional advice. You need to be strong and secure your and your children's futures. He's just thinking of himself and his needs, without much of a thought for your children.

If he’s been on so many holidays lately the money is coming from somewhere! Definitely follow this advice. He thinks he is getting the better deal and will be living the life of Riley! Honestly these men !! 😡

ExSTBH hiding assets during financials of divorce. He is self employed. He is basically putting through very little in hope of getting better settlement. Hoping this doesn’t happen