Suggested divorce settlement by my husband ? fair or no ?

[anymathsheadsonhere]

I have my three teens who live with me full time. We live in the family home. My husband left three years ago for affair partner. He pays e600 per month towards all of their expenses. Their expenses far exceed e1200 per month, so I supplement. He suggested earlier that he receives 50% equity of house in divorce and that he will not apply for any part of my pension( worthe13k to him) and a share of a shared property owned equally with my siblings (worth e50k to him) I earn e65k per year. He is self employed and I suspect that he earns similar but its mostly cash in hand. He hasn't been honest about his income. He has had four holidays since June, yet refuses to pay for any medical or education fees as agreed in separation. The entirety of my salary goes on my children's and my needs. House is worth e350k and there are five years left on mortgage. It is equally owned. Is this a fair spilt? I have invested e15k in the house since we moved in here.

I asked for advice in the hope that I could get opinions from those who have gone through the process. It is a lonely and vulnerable place to be.Plus, my solicitor is expensive and I don't want a protracted legal argument for the sake of exxx k that would be best spent on my children's education.

Shrodingers solicitor? You say he hasn't got a solicitor and won't get one then base your argument on not going for 75% on his none existent solicitor being good enough .
JuT more forward. Follow you solicitors advice and I have never heard of spousal support is this something that happens in Ireland?

Bit tipsy but I do know my matrimonial law!

Why are women so afraid of going to court? You can self represent in court and have your lawyer in the background to save money. Just the act of setting a court date may make your ex blink - do it!

His share of the mortgage is not included.

Yes spousal support is a thing.

So actually his contribution is singnificanlty higher than 600pcm then.

He pays half the mortgage and e600 for the children.

You need to fight for a good property settlement as you can't rely on him to pay maintenance for the children.

I think 75% seems fair. You're paying the lawyer so listen to her.

Send a letter. Be confident. Show you're not afraid to go to court and he'll probably cave.

What does the Lawyer say about the income he's hiding? Surely the court will see what's going on there.

If he won't instruct a solicitor I imagine you're in a stronger position from the get go.
Don't do what I did and roll over just to get the process finished. I bitterly regret that. Such daft short term thinking.
Consider your long-term future and bear in mind kids get far more expensive as they get older IME.

She wants to get a forensic accountant as she believes that he may have got significant redundancy form a job he said he was fired from but had been there for 20 years. His many cash jobs have been for local members of the judiciary, professional people that are known to her and local property agents.

Does he pay half the mortgage on top of the 600?

yes he pays half the mortgage also

housing you would be paying anyway, energy you would be paying anyway, medical, dental and orthodontics are free under 18? I cant see how 3 teens can cost £1200 a month in food, transport and clothes. This doesn't make much sense to me, it really doesn't. I know what feeding a teen costs, and I know what clothing a teen costs, so that only leaves transport, as I don't know your specific circumstances, but maybe they need to walk more?

Try and negotiate 60 to 65 per cent. He should be paying half of his children’s expenses too. Do not be bullied.

So you expect to keep 75% of the equity, your pension and share in property and he gets 25%?have I got that right?

You said he couldn’t afford a solicitor…

Has he got a pension?
How long have you been married?
How old are you both?
Any inheritance prospects?

In Ireland, medical, dental, orthodontic and all related health profession appointments are not free. Health insurance is crazy money for them also .I would certainly not be paying the extent of those bills if on my own. Nor would I be paying for all their school fees and associated costs, lunches, phones, phone bills, wifi, laptops, school tours/tuition and extra curricular sports and music activities. I wouldn't be paying for a few pairs of trainers each per year, sports gear, clothes, driving lessons ,hair cuts, transition year courses, not to mention continuous transport(we are rural)and the list goes on. It really does add up for three teens and no, e300 per month each does not cover their expenses.

I would also avoid court. Because it takes months and months, because it is a grey cloud over your head, because it is enormously stressful and during the months and months of waiting time you just can’t get away from it. It consumes you. The fact that he might be an arse has no bearing on the outcome. If he can hide his income on paper, he will.

You need to ask yourself what it is worth, to YOU, to break free from this man sooner rather than later.

Ive been in a similar position, and my lawyer spelled it out to me, clearly. The stress, the uncertainty of the outcome, the fact that your life is in hold. I chose to cut my losses. She stood to make an awful lot more money from me. I’m eternally grateful.

You’d be surprised how quickly you can move on. The relief is enormous.

To give you an idea, two of my children need orthodontics. They cost approx e5k each. I have what I have and no more. He has no pension but does have substantial inheritance prospects. I thought that 50% equity may have been fair if he didn't go near my pension or shared property. Until now.

Hi I’m in a not dissimilar position. I don’t know how the Irish divorce courts work but as I understand it here in uk it’s about need. If you are housing the kids, you have the greater need out of the settlement. Again is there a CmS in Ireland? If so they will handle issues to do with kids costs - divorce is separate. In UK I doubt he could successfully ask for spousal maintenance as there’s no extra to give after you’ve met kids expenses. I think 75 per cent or thereabouts sounds fair. But do you want a fight or do you want a settlement? It’s late so I can’t do the maths but I’d look at what a 75:25 split looks like in money terms, 70:30, 65:35: 60:40 all the way down to 50:50 so you can see how many thousands you are looking at and how much of a fight you want to put up. The pension and the shared second home don’t sound like it’s worth the fight to him. So don’t budge on those but - depending what the figs look like maybe move on share of the house. In my case I’m asking for a 60/40 split in my favour - my ex can keep his pension, his share of his mums home and a recent inheritance. I think it will go through. Avoid solicitors where you can and try and agree if you can xxx

O well, if you are paying for private schools, then I can see where the money is going. Are you going to move them to state?

For the sake of e20k, I was willing to trade that for a lack of stress, worry and upset, as long as maintenance became court ordered because he often doesn't have it and then may pay extra a few weeks later. I've accepted that he is a shit and disinterested father so we must drive on.

We don't have CMS. Here it all comes down to the best solicitor and barrister money can buy. There are many parents in Ireland who have simply been left in poverty because to get recompensed is an expensive and lengthy battle. It is very corrupt so the question is whether to pay for the best solicitor you can afford and try to ringfence your children's needs or hope for the best. Education is uppermost in my mind and I simply will not be able to afford that on my own. It costs approx e13-15k per year for university undergrad including accom etc. We do not live near a university for any of my children to live at home. Dublin is an entirely different story, so they cant study there. The three children are set in what careers they want to pursue and will need university degrees for those.