Is this sleeping arrangement safe? (Child and Dog related)

[HumanandDogParent]

I have a DD7 and a 9 month old dog (poodle breed, small to medium size). I am a single parent, DD has autism and most nights we still co-sleep (or DD would be up and down all night, although this is something we are going to start working on in the New Year with professionals).

When I first got the dog (at 3 months old) he was crate trained however he now sleeps in the kitchen and very occasionally in my bed when DD isn’t here. However, the last week or so, he has ended up falling asleep in bed with both me and DD and rather than disturbing him I have just left him there until the morning. He is good as gold in general, no issues with him whatsoever, and when he does sleep on the bed he will sleep at the end of the bed and literally not move a muscle until I get up in the morning so he doesn’t ever disturb me etc.

It has made me think about whether to just let him continue sleeping on there seeing as it’s been going well - I don’t mind him being there and DD doesn’t mind either - however I’ve had comments off some family members about not making a habit of it and him needing to go back into his own bed. He does still go back in his own bed in the kitchen when we go out and he doesn’t whine or refuse or anything like that, but I think they are more concerned about safety for my DD - for example, one of them mentioned about him suffocating my DD even though she is 4/5 times the size of him 🙄

Part of me knows that is stupid and extremely unlikely to happen given my DD’s age too, she’s not exactly a baby, but the other part is niggling away in my mind making me paranoid.

Any advice welcome please??

Years

I am 😁
and it isn’t just my opinion - if you educated yourself you’d know that!

apdt.com/resource-center/dominance-and-dog-training/

avsab.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/Dominance_Position_Statement-download.pdf

vethelpdirect.com/vetblog/2020/07/21/fact-vs-myth-dominance-theory-in-dogs/

www.apbc.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/APBC-Dominance-Article.pdf

It doesn’t matter if I did or I didn’t have a dog.

You’re telling anyone who’ll listen that “dogs don’t sleep in the same place every night” as if we are all ignorant, and none of us encourage our dogs to have routines.

You’ve convinced yourself of the validity of your own approach, and are looking for ways to personally trash anyone who doesn’t agree (“are you a dog expert?? Are you a dog owner?”)

so I’m out at this point @HumanandDogParent - enjoy your family, just be aware that you are NOT a dog “parent” and your dog is not a sibling to your child - it is an animal that needs clear guidance and boundaries.

I'm normally quite risk averse with dogs and kids but a smallish dog that you have had from a puppy with no sign of aggression (yes I know al dogs can bite) if they both seem happy I'd allow it.

Do as you please 🤷‍♀️

Why post when you have zero interest in being open to learning

I have a mini poodle and she sleeps on our bed sometimes. She would really struggle to hurt anyone with a bite her jaws are just not that strong. I'd still be cautious but from what you describe op I wouldn't worry about it, the suffocation risk is not really an issue. If I had a baby then it's totally different of course.

You know your dog just like i know ours. We had no plans to share our bed with the mutt when we got him , 2 years down the line he spends more time on the bed than we do. Never had an incident and he snuggles up with us when it's colder.

I have a working Lakeland terrier and he's slept in with DSS since he was 5 years old. DSS is 10 now and they still sleep together in his little single bed.

I wouldn't have too many concerns. He probably feels safest near to you so is the least likely to react badly when settled near you.

Somethings I would make sure of is that he has somewhere else nearby to go to sleep as an option.
That there is sufficient space for all 3 of you to sleep comfortably without making anyone else move.
I'd make sure that DD doesn't have to move past him if she were to need to go to the loo etc in the night. So she needs to be closest to the door. That way if she is less likely to disturb the dog by doing so.
And making sure she is fully aware that she must never disturb the dog whilst he's sleeping. If she needs him fo move she must wake you first.

I’ve had comments off some family members about not making a habit of it and him needing to go back into his own bed.

Well, I’d agree, tbh. He’s only 9 months old - he’s a teenager. This is when they push the boundaries and when undesirable behaviours can start. There’s no guarantee he won’t develop behaviours like separation anxiety or resource guarding. That he hasn’t so far is not a guarantee that he won’t.

So, for me, like your relatives, I would err on the side of caution until he’s older and have him continue to sleep separately.

(A disclaimer on my dog expertise: My dog is 8 and sleep in different places, sometimes with humans and mostly without.)

@SavoirFlair my dog has been extremely well trained since day 1 of having him - people can’t genuinely believe how well behaved he is - I can hand on heart say I have had no issues with him at all. He crate trained from day 1, he toilet trained from day 1 - the only accidents he has ever had in the house is when he has been unwell. He does what he is told the first time round, has never destroyed a single thing in the house - just because I let him sleep on the bed every now and then doesn’t take away from all of that and make him a wild and feral animal - it’s because he is so well behaved that he is allowed those ‘privileges’ as you would probably call them!

Don't see a problem.

With regards to dominant and submissive dogs, as far as I'm concerned there canbedominant and submissive dogs but this is fluid and can change in different circumstances. For instance a dog can be 'dominant' with regards to food/toys but 'submissive' when faced with new people. The theory that dogs are dominant in the home and trying to 'outrank' the humans is widely discredited and based on incorrect research on captive wolf packs. It just doesn't happen.

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OP, I haven't read all the comments but would hazard a guess that there has been a load of catastophising and comments from people who once saw a dog in the park and so are now animal behaviour experts. You know your child, your dog and your set up at home. If you think it's OK and are happy with the arrangements, then crack on.

My dog sleeps on my bed. I just make sure the bedroom door is open so she can take herself off to her own bed downstairs if she gets too hot or bothered by me.

It's not a suffocation risk at seven

People on Mumsnet are obsessed with dog bite risk and children. If you're not letting the child be completely stupid with the dog it's likely to be fine.

This got me thinking. I may be way off the mark, but it sounds like you are hoping to get DD into her own bed at some point. If so could the dog actually 'help' that process by sleeping in her room with her?

I would just carry on as you are. When I was 9 and visited my best friend we regularly shared a single bed and her 3 dogs also slept in the bed. There was hardly any room but it’s one of my happiest memories!

Nothing you've written would make me overly concerned. It sounds perfectly reasonable to allow your dog on the bed.

I would be afraid of it smearing its shitty arse on the bedclothes and passing on parasites.

Mine Bichon is 5 and my daughter 11. He sleeps on the end of my bed and she has always hopped in and out for the odd night when she needs to. Just before Xmas she was ill and in with me and the dog must have been worried because he shuffled on her pillow behind her head and slept with his nose by her ear!! She doesn’t care. However he doesn’t resource guard anything and is soft as a brush so it doesn’t worry me (I used to sleep with the family Labrador as a kid!)

To add if I want him to shift his arse I just tell him to, as does my daughter. She’s taken stuff off him and told him to move since he was 8 weeks old. He has never ever thought about snapping.

I would not have a dog and child on the same bed. so no, dog should be ina nother room

have dogs and kids, i trust my dogs but they are dogs, none are 100% safe, so no it is not safe