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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my children to sleep in the same room without fucking about for hours?

35 replies

MilkyYay · 26/12/2022 19:30

When we visit family (various) our DC (aged 3 & 5) need to share a room.

Its fucking impossible. Youngest especially is a complete arsehole. Off the walls. Eldest is amused/encourages her fucking about after bedtime for a while, then ends up in tears tired, youngest gets increasingly hyper, its a nightmare for everyone. Both are then shattered the next day which spoils most plans we make - day trips etc. DH and I are supposed to be enjoying a nice meal downstairs with DM & DF, or DSis& DBIL, and instead one/both of us spends from 7 -10pm trying to get the fucking children to just go to sleep.

Youngest seems completely unable to switch off and go to sleep unless in a room in pitch dark in silence with no one in earshot. We've tried earlier bedtimes. Later bedtimes etc. We allow time for quiet stories before bed.

It ruins visits to family.

Any advice on how we can manage this going forward? Especially for tips on how to help a bonkers 3 year old chill out/slow down a bit? She is just permanently off the walls.

OP posts:
RambamThankyouMam · 26/12/2022 19:31

Put them to sleep in separate rooms then have one of them in with you when the adults go to bed.

mellongoose · 26/12/2022 19:32

My sympathies!

Can you take 3yo up to bed 30 mins or one hour earlier? See them to sleep then 5yo creeps in afterwards?

Waterlooville · 26/12/2022 19:33

Yep. Put one to sleep where you sleep then transfer. Or you share with one, dh with the other. Have been there. Sympathies.

Ineedachangerightnow · 26/12/2022 19:34

Little one to bed first, big one settles on a sofa in a quiet area and snuggles down until they drop off then carried to bed?

Aria20 · 26/12/2022 19:36

Are the 4 of you sleeping in the same room or do you and DH have another room? If you have another room I'd put them to bed in diff rooms then transfer them later. It's prob just general excitement and change in routine that keeps them up! Either that or just don't even bother trying to put them to bed until you are going up yourselves - I appreciate that is a pain when you want peace and adult time...

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 26/12/2022 19:36

Put them to sleep in separate rooms and move them when they've dropped off

SuperbOwls · 26/12/2022 19:36

One in with you, one in with DH. I have a similar situation, but it's my older one who fucks about

Luredbyapomegranate · 26/12/2022 19:38

They all do this to an extent. put one to sleep in your room or any other room and then put them properly into bed when you go up.

For the off the wall 3 year old - plenty of exercise, routine, and plenty of calm down time before bed. Visits to family can be over stimulating so try and feed them in the kitchen away from people, bath, reading in a quiet room before putting them down separately

Original poster
MilkyYay · 26/12/2022 19:40

These are good tips.

Prob is - there isnt somewhere else to take other one really. DH & i on sofa bed downstairs, only folded out at end of evening. Its not quiet as its where the family are gathered.

We do not want to spend the whole evening sharing with them to make them go to sleep. We are visiting family & want to be enjoying a couple of child free adult hours.

Youngest just seems to find these occasions send her so crazy. I have tried just rolling with it and letting her stay up, that only delays the problem & makes her foul the next day, ive also tried trying to get her upstairs a bit earlier but she just has massive fomo and won't give into sleep.

I just want her to calm the fuck down!

OP posts:
Original poster
MilkyYay · 26/12/2022 19:41

For the off the wall 3 year old - plenty of exercise, routine, and plenty of calm down time before bed. Visits to family can be over stimulating so try and feed them in the kitchen away from people, bath, reading in a quiet room before putting them down separately

Good idea about trying to feed her away in kitchen.

OP posts:
Mol1628 · 26/12/2022 19:43

One goes to bed about an hour earlier and falls asleep then send the older one up. My two share a bedroom and still can’t go up to bed at the same time or they piss about and never go to sleep!

stargirl1701 · 26/12/2022 19:45

Put the 5 year old to bed first. Let the wee one run about. If the 5 year old gets a good sleep all is well. The 3 year led can nap in the next day - pram on a walk, car seat on a drive, etc.

Darthwazette · 26/12/2022 19:45

My twins share every night and still go wild when put to bed. Bunk beds have helped the situation a little but they just want to chat all night.

MuggleMe · 26/12/2022 19:47

We have the same with our two, now 8 and 5. We put the youngest to bed first, and dd1 after she's asleep. If it's taking too long put dd1 to bed in ours. I imagine your relative wouldn't mind a little one kipping in their bed for a couple of hours and being transferred at adult bedtime.

pizzaHeart · 26/12/2022 19:54

Sending my sympathies. My DD was like this for quite a while. We took her pillow and blanket with us and asked relatives to use specific washing powder before our visit because she was very sensitive to smell. We also did it in turns , one did bath and the other stayed with her until she’s asleep. DH stayed with her when visiting my family and I - when visiting his. Not ideal, but it was the only way to manage somehow.

MargaretThursday · 26/12/2022 20:04

We always put one to sleep, then when they were asleep put the other one to bed afterwards.
Helped that both girls would sleep through anything once they were down.

Original poster
MilkyYay · 26/12/2022 20:07

Reassured that there are other people who's kids just won't sleep if in the same room!!

OP posts:
ladygindiva · 26/12/2022 20:09

Audiobooks and blackmail. That's all I've got , sorry.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 26/12/2022 20:12

Mine are 6 and 8 and barely manage to sleep in the same room. Nightmare. We just put one down at a time.

Minikievs · 26/12/2022 20:16

Mine are only just able to do this without fucking about for hours. They're 12 and 9. Sorry Wink

RealBecca · 26/12/2022 20:17

Put little one down earlier so if it take her an hour to chill, she goes up an hour earlier. Bribe the eldest with a film to watch while you do little ones bedtime and chat to the adults and finish with a story and cuddle and send her in. For a trip away it would work to make it fun. X

mylifeisamessymess · 26/12/2022 20:17

Mine are utter twats when in the same bedroom and they're 6 and 8.
Sounds stupid but I find making it more routine has helped so they're not so excited, so once a week they'll have a sleepover in one of their rooms.
We go away a fair amount and need them to share a room quite often, so it works for us.
Maybe do a few sleepovers at home in the week beforehand to make it a bit more boring.
When I'm desperate I'll stick a film on and they settle down watching that in bed.

boxingdayisbest · 26/12/2022 20:22

You stay in the room until they are asleep. You tell whichever one off as soon as they aren't getting to sleep.

I have 19 months between mine. This is what we did.

RhubarbFairy · 26/12/2022 20:22

Ours are incapable of sharing. Always have been. Whenever we go away, we start one in our bed and then shift him. Just utter trauma otherwise. For us.
They're 11 and 9 now. We're away right now and they've just gone to bed. One in our bed, who we will move later.
Ask the relative if you can use their bed for one of them (the one who falls asleep fastest/is easiest to transfer). I've done that at my parents as they're in a 2 bed, so we're all in one room when we visit. They never mind. Child can take their duvet and pillow or sleeping bag and just sleep on top of the covers.
My sympathies.

Longwhiskers · 26/12/2022 20:25

We often have to split ours up when visiting family. Eg put younger one to bed in granny’s room them carry her through to join her older sibling when we go to bed. It has driven me up the ducking wall in the past! You just want to sit and have adult chat and instead spend the evening jumping up and down. My mum would have absolutely walloped me for this kind of nonsense!