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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Honest opinions

70 replies

pinkyponkyplink · 26/12/2022 16:05

Feeling upset. Husband knows I wanted a mulberry handbag at some point. I've mentioned it for the last 5 years along with a comment along the lines of I'm not expecting one this year as it's too expensive or but not this year as we cannot afford it. Spending that sort of money makes my eyes water at the moment. But it's something I i solve (complete luxury I know) and I don't want or need anything else really. I would rather our money goes on our bills and our two children. This year I suggested he give me a bit of money and I start to save to I can get one in a few years for my big birthday. I was thinking £50-100.

Anyway, Christmas Day I'm given 2 parcels. I was expecting maybe a bit of money to put in a savings account or even maybe him saying he had gone to the bother of setting up a savings account. But no. He bought himself a Canada goose coat over £1000 a couple of weeks ago and got a £200 voucher for the shop. So he has bought me a Vivienne Westwood bag which he put £50 to. I'd rather have that money to put into a savings pot for the bag I have wanted for years.

The other thing that hurts is that he and his business partner upgraded their iPhones last week. My second parcel was an se Apple Watch because his business partner got one of the contract so he did too. There has been no thought put into these and both a waste of money which I cannot return apparently. His business partner wanted the watch on the contract and my husband would miss out if he didn't get one too so that is my present and not something I want.

Feel like I'm sounding very ungrateful as both not cheap presents but he has basically used up a voucher on the bag, and got me something his business partner wanted so he didn't miss out of the business costs

OP posts:
WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 26/12/2022 16:06
Confused
Offredismysister · 26/12/2022 16:09

I think he sounds like a wanker tbh. £1000 on a coat for himself. Sell your ‘gifts’.

Hamster1111 · 26/12/2022 16:10

If my DH bought a 1000 coat I'd buy the bag if I wanted it. I wouldn't be saving or waiting for birthday or Christmas

luxxlisbon · 26/12/2022 16:12

Why do you have to save £50 a year for a bag but your husband can buy a £1k coat on a whim?

Original poster
pinkyponkyplink · 26/12/2022 16:15

To be fair, the coat was a purchase he wouldn't normally make. He has been needing a coat for a few years and decided on this. It's the £200 voucher he put to a bag I didn't want that has upset me. I cannot justify spending £1000 on a bag that is a luxury with bills as they are. A coat is different in my eyes

OP posts:
Perpop · 26/12/2022 16:18

Canada goose are also abhorrently cruel to the foxes the slaughter for the fur. I’d be more annoyed about that!

Woeman · 26/12/2022 16:18

"A handbag!"

FourTeaFallOut · 26/12/2022 16:18

Why are either of you buying £1000 coats and fancy handbags when you are worried about the bills?

ThatDamnedDog · 26/12/2022 16:19

Well he doesn’t sound very pleasant or thoughtful, so I know how I would be treating him going forwards at Christmas/birthdays. However he didn’t um and ah about getting himself a coat or suggest saving for it, so perhaps he feels a Mulberry handbag isn’t a priority for you.

I would keep the gifts wrapped and tagged, and sell them and use the joint account/his credit card to pay for the remaining balance on your bag. If you don’t want to pay full price you can visit an outlet ie Cheshire Oaks or it’s now sale time online.

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/12/2022 16:20

A coat is different in my eyes

Nope. Not one costs a fucking grand.

I know nothing about designed handbags so how much is the one you want? If it’s under a grand just buy it. He couldn’t give a fuck about bills if he can prioritise a coat that’s so expensive.

My eyes are watering at these sums but your household is either struggling to pay bills or can justify very pricey designer goods. Which is it?

KangarooKenny · 26/12/2022 16:22

If you work you can use any excess as you see fit.

GreekGod · 26/12/2022 16:23

I am so sorry if I have misunderstood but why are you waiting for your DH to buy you a handbag that you want ? Why don't you buy it yourself now if you want it that badly ? I just couldn't live with resenting my DH for not buying me something - I, personally would buy it myself with my own money if I wanted it that badly.

luckylavender · 26/12/2022 16:25

pinkyponkyplink · 26/12/2022 16:15

To be fair, the coat was a purchase he wouldn't normally make. He has been needing a coat for a few years and decided on this. It's the £200 voucher he put to a bag I didn't want that has upset me. I cannot justify spending £1000 on a bag that is a luxury with bills as they are. A coat is different in my eyes

No one needs a 1k coat though

NoSquirrels · 26/12/2022 16:27

Your husband has bought a £1,000 coat.
You can buy the fucking handbag if you want it.

Sell the Vivienne Westwood bag and get the money.

Wear the Apple Watch (you’re being precious about that).

Think about the apparent inequality in your finances, if you’re asking for £50 twice a year and he’s got access to thousands going spare.

NoSquirrels · 26/12/2022 16:29

your household is either struggling to pay bills or can justify very pricey designer goods. Which is it?

This is it in a nutshell.

If the answer is - my husband can buy and justify designer goods but I cannot, then something is very wrong.

CatJumperTwat · 26/12/2022 16:29

pinkyponkyplink · 26/12/2022 16:15

To be fair, the coat was a purchase he wouldn't normally make. He has been needing a coat for a few years and decided on this. It's the £200 voucher he put to a bag I didn't want that has upset me. I cannot justify spending £1000 on a bag that is a luxury with bills as they are. A coat is different in my eyes

If you think a £1,000 coat isn't a luxury, I have no sympathy for you.

Typo22 · 26/12/2022 16:30

He may have needed a coat, but one that cost a grand?! Jesus Christ 😑

If you have plenty of money then fair enough, spend however much you want on a coat or handbag. But you're worrying about bills and yet ok with him buying a coat that is nearly 3 times my monthly mortgage cost! Something doesn't make sense here.

Wheelyweddingwipedout · 26/12/2022 16:31

Perpop · 26/12/2022 16:18

Canada goose are also abhorrently cruel to the foxes the slaughter for the fur. I’d be more annoyed about that!

This!

DeadDonkey · 26/12/2022 16:31

Nobody spends £1000 on a coat if they are worried about the bills.

Ladybug14 · 26/12/2022 16:32

A coat is not different. Not when he spends a grand on it

He's really done a number on you, hasn't he?

minipie · 26/12/2022 16:35

If he can spend £1000 on a coat then you can spend £1000 on a handbag. Both are equally “necessary”.

LouLou198 · 26/12/2022 16:36

To be honest I would be very pleased with a Vivian Westwood bag and an Apple Watch. I can see why you are upset but you do seem a little ungrateful, especially as you have received more than many would normally.

Kfjsjdbd · 26/12/2022 16:37

Nobody in the UK needs a Canada Goose coat. I think that people who have them look absolutely ridiculous.

Buy the bag you want

Beercrispsandnuts · 26/12/2022 16:39

I don’t get this if he gets a 1k coat you can do as you please.

op, what’s your financial set up, do you share money equally, do you both earn, do you have the same disposable income. What’s your agreement in terms of money?

girlmom21 · 26/12/2022 16:40

Sell the watch and buy the bag.

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