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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Honest opinions

70 replies

pinkyponkyplink · 26/12/2022 16:05

Feeling upset. Husband knows I wanted a mulberry handbag at some point. I've mentioned it for the last 5 years along with a comment along the lines of I'm not expecting one this year as it's too expensive or but not this year as we cannot afford it. Spending that sort of money makes my eyes water at the moment. But it's something I i solve (complete luxury I know) and I don't want or need anything else really. I would rather our money goes on our bills and our two children. This year I suggested he give me a bit of money and I start to save to I can get one in a few years for my big birthday. I was thinking £50-100.

Anyway, Christmas Day I'm given 2 parcels. I was expecting maybe a bit of money to put in a savings account or even maybe him saying he had gone to the bother of setting up a savings account. But no. He bought himself a Canada goose coat over £1000 a couple of weeks ago and got a £200 voucher for the shop. So he has bought me a Vivienne Westwood bag which he put £50 to. I'd rather have that money to put into a savings pot for the bag I have wanted for years.

The other thing that hurts is that he and his business partner upgraded their iPhones last week. My second parcel was an se Apple Watch because his business partner got one of the contract so he did too. There has been no thought put into these and both a waste of money which I cannot return apparently. His business partner wanted the watch on the contract and my husband would miss out if he didn't get one too so that is my present and not something I want.

Feel like I'm sounding very ungrateful as both not cheap presents but he has basically used up a voucher on the bag, and got me something his business partner wanted so he didn't miss out of the business costs

OP posts:
Passthebaton · 26/12/2022 16:43

Well isn't he just delightful?!

AkoraEdelherb · 26/12/2022 16:43

I’m all in favour of people walking around in decent quality coats. Coats and shoes are priorities in my house too.

But not £1000 ones. I have a lovely coat which cost me around £100 a few years back and it’s warm, practical, still looking and going strong after all this time, doesn’t show signs of being ‘done’ any time soon. No reason why he should spend 1k on a coat when the price of bills are a worry for your family.

latetothefisting · 26/12/2022 16:44

FourTeaFallOut · 26/12/2022 16:18

Why are either of you buying £1000 coats and fancy handbags when you are worried about the bills?

this.
I can see why you might be annoyed at the lack of effort, but you will easily be able to sell a brand new vivienne westwood bag and apple watch for far more than 50-100, particularly if you can prove the provenance, so you're quids in really.

Original poster
pinkyponkyplink · 26/12/2022 16:44

I work part time. My money is used for meals out, hobbies for kids, those types of things. He works full time and pays for all bills and the small mortgage we have. We both put towards holidays. I feel like I want the bag but it's a luxury and I wouldn't use it every day like his coat

OP posts:
DeadDonkey · 26/12/2022 16:46

pinkyponkyplink · 26/12/2022 16:44

I work part time. My money is used for meals out, hobbies for kids, those types of things. He works full time and pays for all bills and the small mortgage we have. We both put towards holidays. I feel like I want the bag but it's a luxury and I wouldn't use it every day like his coat

Can you not see that a £1000 coat is a luxury?

girlmom21 · 26/12/2022 16:47

pinkyponkyplink · 26/12/2022 16:44

I work part time. My money is used for meals out, hobbies for kids, those types of things. He works full time and pays for all bills and the small mortgage we have. We both put towards holidays. I feel like I want the bag but it's a luxury and I wouldn't use it every day like his coat

Why wouldn't you use it every day?

Original poster
pinkyponkyplink · 26/12/2022 16:48

I'm wanting a small 'going out' bag not an everyday bag. I cannot justify a larger bag cost

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 26/12/2022 16:48

Maybe you should work full time and buy your own bag op

minipie · 26/12/2022 16:49

Nobody will use a Canada Goose coat every day, they are so warm you can only use them a few months of the year (assuming you are UK based)

buttermut · 26/12/2022 16:50

This is England, not Alaska. He doesn't need a £1000 coat and he definitely will not be wearing it everyday of the year. A handbag on the other hand is used everyday of the year, regardless of the weather forecast. I'm not understanding the logic here.

NoSquirrels · 26/12/2022 16:52

pinkyponkyplink · 26/12/2022 16:44

I work part time. My money is used for meals out, hobbies for kids, those types of things. He works full time and pays for all bills and the small mortgage we have. We both put towards holidays. I feel like I want the bag but it's a luxury and I wouldn't use it every day like his coat

But do you both have equal spending money? Equal discretionary money?

Hamster1111 · 26/12/2022 16:54

Would you have been OK with the cost if he'd gifted it though? Because it's all coming our the same pot whether you buy it or he does. I agree with the poster above who says he's done a number on you. If he can afford 1000 luxury coats you can get the handbag. I cannot believe you would be asking for 'donations' for YEARS when he is dropping a grand when he feels like it. Its outrageous

Highlandhome · 26/12/2022 16:55

pinkyponkyplink · 26/12/2022 16:44

I work part time. My money is used for meals out, hobbies for kids, those types of things. He works full time and pays for all bills and the small mortgage we have. We both put towards holidays. I feel like I want the bag but it's a luxury and I wouldn't use it every day like his coat

Well isn't this the root cause? Not a specific coat or bag or watch.

If you've agreed to split household money in this way, then (exact numbers notwithstanding) in a way I can't blame him for thinking he might have enough spare cash for a £1,000 jacket.

If you chose to split your household money differently, then both of you should / might be able to afford the luxuries. I'm going to guess you work part-time because it's more convenient and / or cheaper (at least partly) than paying for child-care??

jays · 26/12/2022 17:00

pinkyponkyplink · 26/12/2022 16:15

To be fair, the coat was a purchase he wouldn't normally make. He has been needing a coat for a few years and decided on this. It's the £200 voucher he put to a bag I didn't want that has upset me. I cannot justify spending £1000 on a bag that is a luxury with bills as they are. A coat is different in my eyes

It’s not different though. Buy the bag!

LadyEloise1 · 26/12/2022 17:09

Can you return the Vivienne Westwood bag and get the voucher and then use the voucher to part pay for the Mulberry bag you want ?

fatsocatso · 26/12/2022 17:09

Why mention the cost of his coat if you don't actually mind about that? I know it led to a £200 voucher but you could have mentioned a voucher without talking about him spending the £1000. It's hard to understand what the main reason for your upset is.

LadyEloise1 · 26/12/2022 17:10

Posted too soon - your dh is selfish - €1100 coat for himself and not listening to what you would love.

JoyBeorge · 26/12/2022 17:12

I don't think I've ever read anything so self indulgent and materialistic in my life.

CoorieInByTheFire · 26/12/2022 17:12

Theres no way of justifying the sheer indulgence of a Canada Goose coat in the UK, even up in Scotland where I live. There will be very few weeks when he’ll get consistent wear out of it, and the company has a terrible reputation for cruelty. Also, you’re a partnership, if he can spend £1000 on a frivolity, because it is a frivolity at that price, then so can you, it doesn’t matter who earns what.

UsingChangeofName · 26/12/2022 17:14

FourTeaFallOut · 26/12/2022 16:18

Why are either of you buying £1000 coats and fancy handbags when you are worried about the bills?

This

Confused

I was going to say it is worth spending on a decent coat if you spend a lot of time outside, but that is up to about £250 , £300. Nobody needs to spend £1K on a coat, but then I feel the same about a handbag. (Well, more so).

Spending £1K on a handbag is surely something to do when you have no money worries. When you have £££ of 'spare money' month after month after month, not when you are budgeting to pay the bills.

stopringingme · 26/12/2022 17:15

The Mulberry sale is on, look at their website - buy the bag you want and sell the Vivienne Westwood.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 26/12/2022 17:15

You got a bag that you can sell for more than the fifty quid it cost and a watch that cost nothing, so any price you get is profit. You get to put that towards a bog standard thing for carrying phone and keys in that others have convinced you is extra special because of a tree stamped onto the centre bit.

He gets to wander around sweating or carrying a grand's cost (not worth, it's not worth that) of dead animal because people will see 'oh there's a man with a grand to spunk on feeling too hot in dead animal' another fucking wannabe hardman.

It sounds as though you're more upset that the presents didn't cost as much than anything else, that he spent a grand+ on himself but 'only' fifty quid on you, when surely, you should be quite pleased that he didn't waste a couple of hundred pounds on giving you cash?

BCBird · 26/12/2022 17:19

Another world 🤔cannot imagine ever spending 1k on a coat. If husband works full time, u work part time and have a small mortgage surely u r not worrying about bills? Do u have money left over to spend as u wish? Is it in a collective pot?

Thepeopleversuswork · 26/12/2022 17:32

I don’t have an intrinsic problem with someone spending £1k on a coat if they can afford it.

But the world you inhabit is a bizarre mixture of totally OTT designer label materialism and penny pinching. If you really worry about paying bills you just think about luxury stuff. I have never bought either a Mulberry or a Vivienne Westwood bag and I earn decent money: it just would never cross my mind that it was important.

Its pretty tone deaf of him to have bought you a completely different designer bag to the one you wanted when you asked for the cash.

But fundamentally I think if you care that much about this stuff you need to step up and work full time to earn it. If you want incredibly expensive and high end stuff you can’t expect someone else to pay for it for you.

bestchristmasever · 26/12/2022 17:35

What does "it's something I solve" mean please.

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