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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he he's lied about working/asking to see his call log from last night?

58 replies

thenewduchessoflapland · 26/12/2022 15:55

My husband has always said he hates Christmas,every year is the same,I do everything,all the planning,food prep,the cooking,cleaning up after everyone over the festive period,present buying and wrapping for everything including his family.I suspect his "I hate Christmas" thing is so he can get out of doing anything to contribute.

He's worked every Christmas for years and spends very little time with us,he says he's had no choice but to work but after the past 24 hours I now don't know if that's actually true.

He's off this Christmas,he couldn't work even if he wanted to as he's not in that role as he's now a manager,he only works if cover is needed.

He's done nothing but mope around on Christmas Eve/day.He's barely interacting with myself/kids,won't speak unless he's spoken to,he's been fidgety and jittery and has just sat on his phone.

After dinner I asked for help clearing up from the teens/husband and suddenly my husband says he needs a s&*t and disappears upstairs;he reappears 45 minutes later in his work clothes saying he needs to cover someone as they've not turned up and almost runs out the door.

It occurs to me after he's gone that I didn't hear his work phone go off;the thing is like a foghorn when it rings;it's really loud so I'd have heard it especially as the bathroom is directly above the kitchen.

He's come back after this Night Shift,slept for about 3 hours and has gotten up and doesn't seem tired after only a few hours sleep after a nightshift;normally he's exhausted after a nightshift especially as doesn't do many these days and would normally be like a bear with a sore head after only a few hours sleep.

Something isn't right so I've confronted him about it;I've told him I don't believe he was working last night and that he was looking for an excuse to get out of the house.I told him I didn't hear his phone and he instantly comes back with the excuse there's something wrong with his phone and that he's told me and I've forgotten;he hasn't;I know he hasn't said anything of the sort to me as does he and that he's attempting to gaslight me.

I've told him fine,if that's true he won't mind showing me his call log from the call last night that came through saying he was needed in work and he exploded at me,he screamed at me,swore at me,told me that "I've lost the plot" and "I'm crazy" and then stormed upstairs and slammed the door.That behaviour is out of character for him and sadly tells me that he's very likely lying.

I don't think he was with anyone last night but likely sleeping on the sofa in his office at work.

OP posts:
thequeenoftarts · 26/12/2022 18:53

Oh trust your gut feeling on this one, he is lying, why doesnt actually matter, he lied. So he has a choice, he hands over his work phone or your popping into his job tomorrow/Tuesday to discuss it with his boss

purpledalmation · 26/12/2022 21:09

He seems to have a pathological hatred of Christmas. Maybe he feels guilty about walking out and lying about work

DannydeVitooo · 26/12/2022 21:42

Well. The OP has scarpered.

MissAmbrosia · 26/12/2022 21:48

Well he's obviously lying. Normal people don't behave like this.

thenewduchessoflapland · 26/12/2022 23:16

DannydeVitooo · 26/12/2022 21:42

Well. The OP has scarpered.

I haven't;I've had family over tonight as it's Boxing Day so abit rude to be on my phone.

I've had a read of most of the comments;he's still maintaining he was working and apparently he's distant because he's really stressed with work and knew something would go wrong over Christmas and someone would bail on their shift.

So to reply to some questions of the comments here.

Definitely not another family he's spending time with;when previously working Christmas he's done nights and slept all day.

No abusive childhood;his parents were/are real salt of the earth type people;the only thing he's said is that Xmas was perhaps abit boring as a kid.

Yes there has been a death in the family at Christmas time,my MIL past several years ago a few days before Christmas and the anniversary is always a sad reminder.

Yes he has always hated Christmas as an adult prior to the loss.

No I don't think there's another woman,I don't know when he'd have time,I'd like to think he wouldn't cheat.

He has ADHD and a very addictive personality.

He fell in with some very toxic people a few years ago who he's now disengaged from;drugs featured heavily in these peoples lives;mainly weed and cocaine;he swears to me he's never indulged in them.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 26/12/2022 23:46

So has he shown you the call log?

AnyFucker · 26/12/2022 23:52

Why have you posted, op ?

Purplecatshopaholic · 27/12/2022 11:00

You mentioned the call log to him op, so you need to follow though on that. If he’s not lying it’s simple for him to show you, you then apologise and he gets to gloat/take the moral high ground. If he won’t show you, that tells you he’s lying…

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