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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What did you get for your teen this Christmas?

129 replies

teenpresents · 26/12/2022 09:30

Im asking this as I tend to overthink whether I'm getting it "right" as a mum (for personal reasons linked to my own childhood). Anyway.... just wondering if this seems about right for a 16 yo teen girl for Christmas?

I didn't see my teen DD yesterday as she was at her dad's for Christmas Day. She's coming home today. I've just wrapped all her stuff ready for her coming back, but I feel a bit bad as I haven't spent as much on her presents this year as I normally do. I've actually ended up getting into debt for some of her stuff. I've got her:

  • Apple AirPods (she asked for)
  • trainers (she asked for)
  • Gym Shark leggings
  • 5 new tops / jumpers (2 she asked for; 3 I chose for her)
  • a personalised engraved prosecco glass
  • a bottle of Prosecco
  • a candle
  • smellies (bath products etc)
  • a fluffy onesie

When I bought these things I felt like it was a lot but it doesn't look like much wrapped. But the first 3 items alone on the list came to £200!! I just can't afford to get her as much anymore now she's older. Is this just how it is now she's older and the stuff she wants is more costly?

OP posts:
WishIwasElsa · 26/12/2022 10:57

Don't think the odd glass of prosecco is damaging her brain development. Much better than I was at her age out with friends and my brain seems good several years later 🙃

watchfulwishes · 26/12/2022 11:08

WishIwasElsa · 26/12/2022 10:57

Don't think the odd glass of prosecco is damaging her brain development. Much better than I was at her age out with friends and my brain seems good several years later 🙃

Drinking alcohol damages brain development in the period where brains are growing - it really isn't a matter of opinion, it is just a scientific reality.

Obviously loads of people think drinking is fine, because they drink themselves, but the science is what it is.

mondaytosunday · 26/12/2022 11:10

I wrap everything - my daughter got a tin of Oreo's and my son got wrapped footie branded toothbrushes! This padded the pile out.
But specifically, I got my 17 year old 'I don't want anything' daughter:
Three books about animation, including a £50 book on Walt Disney (she wants to get a degree in animation)
Fluffy onesie and matching slippers
Heated blanket
Two jumpers
Hand crochet cardi from her brother
That tin of Oreos
Bath bombs
Hand knitted woolly headband and matching fingerless gloves

Your daughter will have had gifts from her dad too - seems she's doing pretty well this Christmas!

Lynz78 · 26/12/2022 11:10

More than enough though sounds daft to get yourself into debt. Christmas seems more like a competition these days. We budget about 150 plus couple of stocking fillers !

MargaretThursday · 26/12/2022 11:13

Firstly, don't go into debt to pay for it.

Secondly, my teens had more-but they were much lower cost items. They also had a number of necessities like underwear etc.
So whereas their pile would have looked bigger, the value was probably smaller.

So they had chocolate coins, socks, key ring, squishmallow, jaffa cakes, books, t-shirt etc. Probably the most expensive thing 2 of them had was a powerbank, and the other one a heated blanket.
It looks loads and they have lots of fun unwrapping, but it doesn't break the bank. I'll also buy secondhand when possible. They know this and are happy about it.

I think you've got a good pile for her and she'll be very happy.

Theoldwoman · 26/12/2022 11:13

I would never ever buy my underage child alcohol.

Lynz78 · 26/12/2022 11:15

watchfulwishes · 26/12/2022 11:08

Drinking alcohol damages brain development in the period where brains are growing - it really isn't a matter of opinion, it is just a scientific reality.

Obviously loads of people think drinking is fine, because they drink themselves, but the science is what it is.

Show quote history

It can take years for the effects to show I struggle with headaches and my memory is terrible. But I did drink regularly and a lot when I was 15 to 17 !

FawnFrenchieMum · 26/12/2022 11:15

Sounds perfect to me. Teens know how much air pods and trainers are.

I knew people would pick up on the Prosecco, yet yesterday everyone was saying a glass or two at home with their teens was totally fine and normal.

yoyo1234 · 26/12/2022 11:19

Phone and some sweets for teenager. The pile was very small but he was very happy.

Original poster
teenpresents · 26/12/2022 11:20

WishIwasElsa · 26/12/2022 10:57

Don't think the odd glass of prosecco is damaging her brain development. Much better than I was at her age out with friends and my brain seems good several years later 🙃

Same! I was binge drinking from 14 (horrendous obviously!! and not something I'd ever advocate for my own child), and my brain has seen me through a PhD, so think my DD will be ok with the odd glass of Prosecco 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
teenpresents · 26/12/2022 11:21

Thanks all for the helpful and reassuring advice, and for not getting caught up an in irrelevant detail!

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 26/12/2022 11:22

That is loads. Mine got £100 each, a hoodie / t-shirt and a book under the tree.

Stockings were little things like pens, shower gel, fairy lights, chocs etc.

Original poster
teenpresents · 26/12/2022 11:23

Just a reminder that I didn't ask for advice on the alcohol, I asked for advice on the quantity of gifts and the amount spent. Thanks 😊

OP posts:
JollyJunee · 26/12/2022 11:32

This is why I really dislike threads talking about gift ‘piles’. People just buy shite to make the pile look impressive.
the issue here is you OP, sorry. Why do you feel it is inadequate? Have you previously bought in to ‘piles’ of gifts?
I think at 16yo I would expect a teenager to understand the value of items like AirPods and trainers? You’ve bought her lovely things, stop beating yourself up and buying in the the nonsense.
Plus she gets from other side of family? She is very lucky and you should be focusing on that and ensuring she focuses on her good fortune too.

Pumperthepumper · 26/12/2022 11:39

Yankw · 26/12/2022 10:40

That’s loads.

why are you buying a 16 year old Prosecco? Bit of an odd one that

I thought this too.

Original poster
teenpresents · 26/12/2022 11:40

@JollyJunee

What "shite" have I bought? It's not about "looking impressive". I couldn't give a fuck how it looks to anyone else. It's my DD who I don't want to let down.

And I've already said why I feel inadequate. My own shitty childhood experiences.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 26/12/2022 11:40

WishIwasElsa · 26/12/2022 10:57

Don't think the odd glass of prosecco is damaging her brain development. Much better than I was at her age out with friends and my brain seems good several years later 🙃

It’s a bottle though. As a gift. For a sixteen year old. It’s not a glass with dinner on a special occasion.

DelilahBucket · 26/12/2022 11:42

That's plenty. She's old enough to know the value of things. DS wanted a bike but he knew and appreciated that if he got one he wouldn't get much else.

Comedycook · 26/12/2022 11:42

That's a lot...my ds14 got a hoodie, bag and new phone. As well as stocking presents.

RiverSkater · 26/12/2022 11:45

It's all good apart from the Prosecco.
Alcohol is so damaging. Don't normalise it.

Just remove that and the glass and it's a perfect pile.

Original poster
teenpresents · 26/12/2022 11:47

Oh my god.

Will people just go elsewhere to debate their views on a teenager having a few glasses of Prosecco at Christmas 🙄

It's not the point of the thread and it's not what I asked.

OP posts:
Original poster
teenpresents · 26/12/2022 11:49

FawnFrenchieMum · 26/12/2022 11:15

Sounds perfect to me. Teens know how much air pods and trainers are.

I knew people would pick up on the Prosecco, yet yesterday everyone was saying a glass or two at home with their teens was totally fine and normal.

Yep! I've made a thread previously under a different name and asked for people's views on my 16 yo having a glass of wine at a meal with family and people were all, she's 16 fgs, if you say no she'll just drink behind your back... etc. and now I post about getting an alcohol gift for her and I'm the worst mother in the world and damaging her brain. Right.

OP posts:
ButterflyOil · 26/12/2022 11:50

Aww I think that’s a lovely set of gifts for a teen! My teen got similar - three hoodies he wanted, a football shirt, cologne and some books. With the cost of the brands he likes and official football shirts being a total rip off the clothing alone came to nearly £200!

I also got him some gloves for his punchbag and a stocking with things like boxers and deodorant. His dad and other family members also went along the lines of these gifts - all his choices with some little extras. He was chuffed to bits with it all and swanned around in his hoodies admiring himself yesterday!

Pumperthepumper · 26/12/2022 11:51

teenpresents · 26/12/2022 11:49

Yep! I've made a thread previously under a different name and asked for people's views on my 16 yo having a glass of wine at a meal with family and people were all, she's 16 fgs, if you say no she'll just drink behind your back... etc. and now I post about getting an alcohol gift for her and I'm the worst mother in the world and damaging her brain. Right.

Show quote history

But also that it’s one of her Christmas gifts, and that it’s a ‘thing’ for you. That’s not a healthy approach to alcohol.

Original poster
teenpresents · 26/12/2022 12:00

Literally just ignoring the judgements about the alcohol now. You're all clearly perfect parents who have made impeccable parenting decisions you're entire lives, so congratulations!! and thank you for your much needed (sarcasm) judgement of my own parenting, to add to my own negative self judgements that I beat myself up with daily.

If you feel so strongly about this particular issue and wish to debate it, may I suggest you start your own thread? It's not relevant or wanted here.

To everyone else - thank you for your helpful contributions to the thread, much appreciated.

OP posts: