Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect them to give new house a chance

48 replies

Maggie178 · 26/12/2022 07:16

My parents decided to sell their home and buy a bungalow. My oh and I weren't looking to move but when they said they were going to put it up for sale I offered to buy their house, as I love it. They got it valued and I paid the market value. I said on many occasions it's fine if you change your mind. I asked if they were sure they wanted to take on a bungalow with so much work to do. I said they could live with us while the work gets done. They decided to move straight in. I organised the removal company and helped them move. They've moved in and my dad doesn't like it. He's not sleeping. I've said they can move back in and have their old bedroom. I've said we can look at extending the house. I've said we can talk about them buying the house back and I'll look for somewhere else. They've said no to all of these things. At this point I and my oh feel awful because we have a lovely home and they clearly hate theirs. AIBU to ask them to give it more time to see if they settle before they make any big decisions?

OP posts:
TennyTroo · 26/12/2022 07:18

I think you've been really kind to offer to let them move back in!

It does take time to settle in a new place, they'll be okay, OP. It's a big change for them.

TidyDancer · 26/12/2022 07:21

I think you've done everything that could be reasonably asked of you with this scenario (and then some). They seem to be rejecting every solution anyway though. What are they planning to do at this point?

PriOn1 · 26/12/2022 07:23

I don’t really understand what you’re asking. They’ve moved out and don’t like it much, but have made it clear they don’t want to move back in.

What exactly have they proposed instead that you might need to “ask them to give it more time to see if they settle” about? Unless there’s something you haven’t mentioned, the situation is currently stable, albeit that your parents aren’t particularly happy. If all is as you say, they might already be giving it more time.

cantsing · 26/12/2022 07:23

How long has it been?

KangarooKenny · 26/12/2022 07:24

They need to get used to their new home. I’d stop offering the old one back and draw a line under it.

Batbatbatty · 26/12/2022 07:26

If someone else had bought their home instead of you, there would be no moving back or buying back or anything!

KatherineJaneway · 26/12/2022 07:26

How long have they given the new house? Why isn't he sleeping?

ScrabbleRabbler · 26/12/2022 07:26

its a bit daft offering the house back to them. What exactly is the issue with the bungalow? What don’t they like? It’s normal to have house blues when newly moved, particularly if they have a lot to sort. Can you help them settle in more?

Tnc · 26/12/2022 07:28

PriOn1 · 26/12/2022 07:23

I don’t really understand what you’re asking. They’ve moved out and don’t like it much, but have made it clear they don’t want to move back in.

What exactly have they proposed instead that you might need to “ask them to give it more time to see if they settle” about? Unless there’s something you haven’t mentioned, the situation is currently stable, albeit that your parents aren’t particularly happy. If all is as you say, they might already be giving it more time.

This.

Wallywobbles · 26/12/2022 07:29

My parents only loved their new home when the old one burnt down. Stop offering an exit plan.

Original poster
Maggie178 · 26/12/2022 07:59

PriOn1 · 26/12/2022 07:23

I don’t really understand what you’re asking. They’ve moved out and don’t like it much, but have made it clear they don’t want to move back in.

What exactly have they proposed instead that you might need to “ask them to give it more time to see if they settle” about? Unless there’s something you haven’t mentioned, the situation is currently stable, albeit that your parents aren’t particularly happy. If all is as you say, they might already be giving it more time.

My dad is talking about doing the work to sell it and moving again. Which obviously is their choice but I think the problem isn't the bungalow but that it's a big change after living in a house for 30 years.

OP posts:
GeneticallyModifiedGrump · 26/12/2022 08:13

Stop offering your house as a back up plan for a start! Even if your dad thinks there's the tiniest chance he could move 'back home' he won't be trying to settle in his new house.
When he complains about not sleeping tell him to go to the GP for help with the issue (have they never been on holiday and slept elsewhere?) Basically take the drama out of it for him ...he needs to get a grip.
My house didn't feel like my home for about 8 years (decorated it twice in that time!) I just take a long time to settle it appears, when we had to move out for a year it very much felt like home and I couldn't wait to get back 😂
The difference is, I didn't bleat on to my relatives about how unsettled I was. I just got on with it and appreciated that the house was perfect for us - I was the problem!!!
Maybe dad needs a bit of a firm talking to?

GeneticallyModifiedGrump · 26/12/2022 08:15

Oh, and if he wants to do the work and sell it on I would be very clear that he would be buying himself another property to move into....not boomeranging back to a cosy little extension at your house!

Afterfire · 26/12/2022 08:20

Are they hinting that they want their house back - so for you to sell their old house back to them?

NoSquirrels · 26/12/2022 08:20

Maggie178 · 26/12/2022 07:59

My dad is talking about doing the work to sell it and moving again. Which obviously is their choice but I think the problem isn't the bungalow but that it's a big change after living in a house for 30 years.

Show quote history

This is fine, though. They’ll do the work, realise they have made it lovely, and then they won’t sell it. Or they will, and find somewhere they like more. It’s not your fault.

Let them live with you whilst they renovate, and time will take care of this.

NoSquirrels · 26/12/2022 08:23

the problem isn't the bungalow but that it's a big change after living in a house

Is it sleeping on the ground floor that is the issue? My MIL feels similarly - has dodgy knees, could do with one-level living but refuses a ground floor flat or bungalow - and whilst I think it’s irrational, I understand it’s a fear of hers.

Turnthelightoff · 26/12/2022 08:24

Maybe support them in the suggestion of doing the work to sell it and move on. But suggest they do the work to a standard and taste that would be good for the market but also that they like. They may come to slowly like it when it’s freshly renovated and to their taste but with minimal risk if they have also prepped it well for re-sale.

chunkychipmonk · 26/12/2022 08:27

My parents downsized to a small bungalow which needed a lot of work doing to it. They missed our family home but once the work was complete they felt it was the best decision they made. Council tax is lower, bills are lower and there's less maintenance and upkeep. They've modernised the bungalow and made it their own. It looks very different. I think they downsized at a good time in their life as I think they'd have struggled to do this if they were a lot older as it's a stressful process. Once the work is complete they can reassess. At the moment it will feel like they're living in someone else's home. It took them a good year to feel settled.

RambamThankyouMam · 26/12/2022 08:29

I've said they can move back in and have their old bedroom. I've said we can look at extending the house.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

SerenaTee · 26/12/2022 08:34

Why are you trying to solve this for them? Presumably they’re capable of making their own decisions so let them work out what they want to do and support them with that. Some of your offers are bonkers!

Clarinet1 · 26/12/2022 08:37

It sounds as though they have turned down every solution you have offered so what else can you do? Probably nothing except possibly help make the bungalow feel more like home.

Summerishere123 · 26/12/2022 08:37

If they had sold to a stranger they wouldn't have the option of moving back in so I think it is fair to expect them to try it a few months before making any decisions.

Ellie1015 · 26/12/2022 08:37

Stop getting involved. You can't fix it and have offered to sell back and they said no. Let them do work to sell if they want. Inevitably there will be some time while the work takes place so they may get used to it. They may want something else.

Crazydoglady1980 · 26/12/2022 08:38

I think you need to look at your reaction to this. Lots of people take time to settle into a new home. They haven’t put it straight back on the market and are only talking about doing this once the work is done.
Do you feel guilty for buying their house? Did you have plans that aren’t going to work out now?
It sounds to me like this is a ‘you’ problem, not them

marmaladepop · 26/12/2022 08:41

My mum cried for a year when she downsized to a bungalow, twenty years later and with a husband who has severe health issues, we are SO glad they did just that. It's perfect for their needs now.