Upstairs hiding from my family

[Treetopp]

Is anyone else upstairs hiding from their relatives. We are visiting my family this Christmas and are here for three days. But I just find it all too much and put the kids to bed and am now hiding until everyone else has gone to sleep. My parents and I usually clash on most topics but they insist on talking about them such as Brexit and how Russia had no choice but to invade Ukraine and NATO is just evil. Every time we have to be together, it reminds me just how much I can't handle my family.

DH hasn't made any effort this Christmas, not bought a single present nor organized a single activity for the kids. Just feel like I need a break from everyone. So back to hiding upstairs like a teenager and not a 45 year old woman. Anyone else?

I'm doing exactly this! I am overwhelmed. People talking to me all day. Making dinner for everyone, clearing up, sorting out the children, while everyone else relaxed. Off to say goodnight to them all in a minute and just go to bed early I think!

No because it’s just me and DH here but in your shoes I would absolutely hide. I’d run a hot bath, grab my phone, stick Alexa on, light some candles and disappear in there for hours

Yes. DF interrupting me taking the Turkey out of the oven . . . Why? To show me photos of a friend’s cat . . . A friend I met once, 40+ years ago, she lives on another continent and it’s unlikely I will ever meet her again or the cat!

In my case, am literally hiding under a duvet pretending to be asleep while leaving DH with my relatives. It's pathetic but I can't wait to go home tomorrow.

Do they say that stuff in front of your children?

Next year I’d have it at home and give the idiots a wide berth.

I'm in my parents bedroom watching Eastenders while they watch it downstairs..

I do this every Christmas when my in-laws stay for 3-5 nights. Is just too much all day every day with all the cooking and clearing up and keeping everyone entertained! This year they have gone to other relatives and it is lovely. But I understand your pain and you are definitely not unreasonable!

I get it OP.
I have had enough.

Next year stay at home

Thankfully in bed now- alone.

My parents do discuss all this stuff in front of the kids though not always in English. These are topics that are directly part of my job and are very close to them personally. In my case, I guess that I don't know how to get past it. On top of that they comment and critique everything I do with the kids. I know Christmas is all about family and I need to rise above it but I just want to go home. Kids have had a great time though, they love their grandparents

We all need our space luckily so there is mutual unspoken agreement that we all take time out at some point. I avoid certain topics with my parents. They still drive me nuts.

Yes. I’m 44 and volunteered to take DD4 to bed at 7pm even though she was hours from sleep.

still upstairs, hiding. And counting down until I can go and get some cheese and crackers when everyone else has gone to bed.

FIL has been sulking since I told DD that Grandad can choose what words he uses but we do not use derogatory language in our house and she must never use that language.

he’s always been an intolerable idiot- DH won’t have exchanged a word with him today and leaves the rest of us to fill the gap.

Christmas isn't all about family if it means there always being someone not feeling it.

I stopped the manic Xmas day get together a years ago as it was always at our house and nobody did much to help.

We were the only ones with young kids yet they all descended on us.

I just said no one year and it's gone in from there.

We don't have in laws or parents Xmas day for drinks either anymore. That stopped during covid and it's bliss.

We see in laws for a couple of hours Xmas eve for a coffee and they see dc and we see my parents Boxing Day in the afternoon for an hour or so when we go to them.

No pressure in anyone and everyone's happy

We've had a nice chilled day here.

After Xmas dinner all settled down quietly and we've just been in front the tv having a doze in our pjs.

That's how I want it.

We used to get to Xmas day evening and be shattered and fed up and every year I would say I'm not doing it again but would always feel guilty if we didn't.

I don't do that now. Gotta please yourself

I'm such a fan of coffee with relatives rather than meals/overnight stays.

I know this doesn't work if you're not local but for the past few years we've popped over at teatime to one set, Xmas morning to another set and so on.

It means nobody is missing out slaving away in the kitchen and it's the right amount of time for me to either have people here or be a visitor 🙂

DM has just done this to us ! We are the ones to get away from and she's hiding in her room !!

Why are you all putting yourselves through it ? It's madness.

no you dont have to get over it you can leave andnot visit anymore

OP whilst I might well do the same as you - just curious, how's your DH getting on down there stuck with your parents?

Yes staying with my dad and his wife who has a bit of a screw loose, she started talking about how the foreigners with funny names like ‘Biju and Mohammed’ are taking over her job and how she finds it so difficult to understand the ‘foreigners’ she has to work with lately…My dad found this hilarious. I told them I didn’t understand the problem and they probably think their white names are quite funny too.. after that I said I felt a migraine coming on and am now in bed watching Netflix.

I'm not hiding upstairs but did leave abruptly this evening. Could no longer take my sisters snide comments about my dogs and manipulating my mother into spending virtually all her time with them doing things that exclude me.
This afternoon and now all day tomorrow they are going for long beach walks which I cant participate in. I'm I'll with cancer and can't walk massively far and have a reactive dog who won't cope on the beach around lots of other dogs. I'm in holiday accommodation so can't leave them anywhere either.
She also refused to get out the car to come and see the house were purchasing today stating she felt weird wandering around.
Everything has to be about her. From the food we eat to what we do. And if she can exclude me she will.
After a heated discussion I ended up saying I'd just see them tomorrow evening and she's tuned round and told me not to bother. I'm done.
I'm homeless. I've got cancer. I'm autistic. I can't deal with this shit.

@TheHateIsNotGood he is used to it if that makes sense. He is also less personally bothered by their views than I am. His parents have both passed away so I think he appreciates that my parents have welcomed them in even if I can't handle them right now

@justgettingthroughtheday 💐

Thanks for explaining OP - in that case hideaway all you want - as I appreciate that one's family can be irritating as hell so best leave them to it I always found.

We used to go to my husbands family on Boxing day. Hours and hours drive on a good day and Boxing day isn't a good day.They all live in freezing houses ( long before the energy crisis), they eat crap food and seem to live by their father's mantra " You're not put on this earth to be happy and enjoy yourself lad'. The final straw was the Boxing day when there was an accident on the M6 and it took us 10 hours to get there. Nobody bothered to offer a cup of tea or something to eat when we finally got there. It was all shit. I offered a compromise that we would go up at some point in December before Boxing day ,or that he could go alone. He loves his family but he admitted that they really were crap at the hosting thing and that he didn't enjoy it much either. We haven't been in December since. Bliss.