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AIBU?

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Original poster

Upstairs hiding from my family

45 replies

Treetopp · 25/12/2022 21:30

Is anyone else upstairs hiding from their relatives. We are visiting my family this Christmas and are here for three days. But I just find it all too much and put the kids to bed and am now hiding until everyone else has gone to sleep. My parents and I usually clash on most topics but they insist on talking about them such as Brexit and how Russia had no choice but to invade Ukraine and NATO is just evil. Every time we have to be together, it reminds me just how much I can't handle my family.

DH hasn't made any effort this Christmas, not bought a single present nor organized a single activity for the kids. Just feel like I need a break from everyone. So back to hiding upstairs like a teenager and not a 45 year old woman. Anyone else?

OP posts:
PurpleButterflyWings · 25/12/2022 23:18

Treetopp · 25/12/2022 21:30

Is anyone else upstairs hiding from their relatives. We are visiting my family this Christmas and are here for three days. But I just find it all too much and put the kids to bed and am now hiding until everyone else has gone to sleep. My parents and I usually clash on most topics but they insist on talking about them such as Brexit and how Russia had no choice but to invade Ukraine and NATO is just evil. Every time we have to be together, it reminds me just how much I can't handle my family.

DH hasn't made any effort this Christmas, not bought a single present nor organized a single activity for the kids. Just feel like I need a break from everyone. So back to hiding upstairs like a teenager and not a 45 year old woman. Anyone else?

Hmm
Irecan · 25/12/2022 23:44

AngelinaFibres · 25/12/2022 23:04

We used to go to my husbands family on Boxing day. Hours and hours drive on a good day and Boxing day isn't a good day.They all live in freezing houses ( long before the energy crisis), they eat crap food and seem to live by their father's mantra " You're not put on this earth to be happy and enjoy yourself lad'. The final straw was the Boxing day when there was an accident on the M6 and it took us 10 hours to get there. Nobody bothered to offer a cup of tea or something to eat when we finally got there. It was all shit. I offered a compromise that we would go up at some point in December before Boxing day ,or that he could go alone. He loves his family but he admitted that they really were crap at the hosting thing and that he didn't enjoy it much either. We haven't been in December since. Bliss.

This- my dh’s family have an aversion to putting the heating on- I have been cold since the 23rd and shall be until I leave on the 27th. And the food, everything is junk food and then they complain about indigestion and stomach pains! And same thing, nobody’s allowed to have a good time, everything is depressing with them.

Well done for not going this year!

feministqueen · 26/12/2022 00:04

We're going to the in-laws tomorrow. An hour and a half each way. I fully expect to end up in an argument with DH about going to mcds on the way home as the kids will be starving as they won't serve up any food which will be suitable for them. Last year it was chilli cheese and other such like and spicy spring rolls and samosas. And hard bread. And some dry as fuck left over turkey and stuffing. Mil told me she'll be serving up bubble and squeak and turkey and some chips tomorrow. Really (not!) looking forward to that

hcnirg · 26/12/2022 00:26

Might be an idea to listen to them for once, especially about Russia and NATO. You may actually learn something instead getting all your 'facts' from the TV

Miss03852 · 26/12/2022 00:28

Have done the exact same thing today!! I’m only with my mum but she’s a very difficult person who keeps trying to start arguments over minor things.

Miss03852 · 26/12/2022 00:30

hcnirg · 26/12/2022 00:26

Might be an idea to listen to them for once, especially about Russia and NATO. You may actually learn something instead getting all your 'facts' from the TV

Yeah she’ll actually “learn something” from her relatives who get their info from Facebook.

SchnauzerEyebrows · 26/12/2022 00:35

Sodullincomparison · 25/12/2022 22:20

Yes. I’m 44 and volunteered to take DD4 to bed at 7pm even though she was hours from sleep.

still upstairs, hiding. And counting down until I can go and get some cheese and crackers when everyone else has gone to bed.

FIL has been sulking since I told DD that Grandad can choose what words he uses but we do not use derogatory language in our house and she must never use that language.

he’s always been an intolerable idiot- DH won’t have exchanged a word with him today and leaves the rest of us to fill the gap.

Is your 4yr old likely to know what the word derogatory means?!?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 26/12/2022 00:46

Why on earth are you putting yourself and your kids through this every year?

I know Christmas is all about family

So put yours first. Stay at home next year and stop feeling the FOG.

Your parents can look after themselves.

Miss03852 · 26/12/2022 01:01

A lot of people have toxic / dysfunctional family members they can handle for a few days and permanently cutting them off is too much drama.

Vaccine001 · 26/12/2022 01:14

Justgettingthroughtheday your Sister is an utter bitch. Has your mother phoned to see if you are ok?

Goldieshock · 26/12/2022 01:15

Start about Easter time saying how you'll be having a quiet, home Christmas for 2023. Break the cycle.
Do all the visiting late November and start off your own traditions for yourselves.

justgettingthroughtheday · 26/12/2022 01:26

Vaccine001 · 26/12/2022 01:14

Justgettingthroughtheday your Sister is an utter bitch. Has your mother phoned to see if you are ok?

Nope. She won't. She will be crying and upset about how I have ruined Christmas.

Enterusername111333 · 26/12/2022 01:27

This is why my dog has had 4 walks today by me on my own with my true crime podcasts in my ear to soothe me.

Original poster
Treetopp · 26/12/2022 09:48

@justgettingthroughtheday sorry to hear your family was so cruel and mean. Hope you are ok.

My family firmly expect us to be around every year. DCs do really enjoy it so I guess that we mainly do it for them

OP posts:
Bestcatmum · 26/12/2022 10:00

Why the fuck do you all tolerate this? I haven't spent the last 7 years with any family at Christmas. I spend Xmas in my own home in peace mainly because I don't want to spend 20 years inside for murder. If they want to see me they can do so in summer.

Falalalallamadahdahdahdah · 26/12/2022 11:07

I'm hiding on boxing day upstairs in our spare room. Hosting PIL and BIL. DH was a miserable bigger and snappy yesterday ( not like him) and spent a lot of the day on his phone whilst I made Xmas dinner, loaded the dishwasher 3 times, put together the Kids Lego, bathed them etc. I have let him know his behaviour was out of order and he has apologised. I've left him to sort lunch today.

The kids are overstimulated and PIL now looking disapproving!

I won't be offering to host again!

justgettingthroughtheday · 26/12/2022 11:10

As expected I have been blamed for everything. Think I now need to step back and reevaluate things. I'm done being a verbal punchbag.

Aquarius1234 · 26/12/2022 13:25

justgettingthroughtheday · 26/12/2022 11:10

As expected I have been blamed for everything. Think I now need to step back and reevaluate things. I'm done being a verbal punchbag.

Yeh it's annoying being blamed for stuff.
Oh so and so must have done that/ broken that.

Aquarius1234 · 26/12/2022 13:26

What I hate is parents repeating things in a loud voice about me, so other relatives can here in the next room 🙄
Shut up. Not my fault.

Notplayingball · 26/12/2022 13:33

userxx · 25/12/2022 22:41

Why are you all putting yourselves through it ? It's madness.

I agree, it's utter madness.

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