I didn’t ask my 4 year old for a Christmas list

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Am I in the wrong?
Most people I know seem to have asked what their children wanted, even 3/4 year olds.

Instead I just bought things I think he’d like and things he’s into.

If he's happy, you're fine. Did he have a nice Christmas? Most people do do some form of list, we did from about age 5, but most of the presents were chosen by us in addition to the list anyway.

I talk to my children about what they would like but it’s only suggestion and just because they asked for it doesn’t mean they will get it. I always choose other stuff too.

Did your approach work for your family?

I only ever did lists as a child for my dad's side because they didn't know me as well. My mum's side of the family always got me surprises, which were great.

I asked DD(4 in Feb) what she wanted for Santa but that was it. I just bought stuff I thought she would like and the occasional bit she's seen in shops in the last few months and we've said 'Maybe it'll be under the tree at Christmas!'

If it works, it works! Most people will know what their child wants anyway, list or not.

I only asked him so we could write a letter to Santa.

DD is 3 and I bought most of her presents before I asked her what she wanted, she only said one thing which was a fancy dress costume, so nothing too outrageous, and I’m glad I did, I thought her heart would burst this morning when she very dramatically declared ITS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED!!!! Last year she asked for a specific type of fruit, and not one we ever have at home, so it was super random but I got her the wooden version for her toy kitchen.

We've never written to Father Christmas. This year they got hold of the Smyths catalogue and circled 70% of it so that was helpful.

I asked my 4 year old DD what she wanted. She told me a ‘giant robot bunny’ and a ‘donkey in the snow’.

I decided to just get her what I thought she would like since both of her choices seemed a little out of reach to me 😀. She also suggested we bought washing up gloves for the staff at her nursery - not sure they would have been appreciated so we went with chocolate oranges!

I never asked, just stuck Channel 5 on in a morning nefore nursery and literally EVERY toy advert she pointed out and said......."please mummy can I have that" gave me loads of leverage over the Christmas Holidays. She's enjoyed opening all her prezzies and more than half aren't even ones she saw on the Television. Don't worry about it 🤷🏻‍♀️ if kids really want something, they won't save it for a list, they'll tell you.

My GD, when 4 was into Barbie (and Steffi etc), glitter babyz and LOL. I took her around B&M, Smyth's and the Entertainer to see what she would pick. We did that this year as well. The slightly older one had an Amazon wish list, she's into Pokémon, Roblox and experiences.

I did for the first year and my dc are teens to early 20s.
I only did this year because now they're older there are things that they need that aren't necessarily obvious to me.

Never needed to in the past as I always knew enough things they needed/wanted to sort Christmas. I probably could have done it well enough this year, and they'd have been perfectly happy, but I knew that some of the things would be stuff I wouldn't think of.

We didn't write a list, but my 3 year old asked for a box of dinosaurs. That's what she got

We never ask. I think it's awful- not only are you setting yourself or child up for disappointment if they ask for something unaffordable/unsuitable but you and they don't get the joy of buying/receiving something thoughtful. If there is something they like, they save up their pocket money or wages.

My teen has asked for things needed for uni a couple of Christmases/birthdays but apart from that, the DCs don't get asked and are always appreciative when given something

No point thinking about it now. 🤷🏻‍♀️

We used to ask what they wanted and get those and some surprises.

Im not big on kids having big wish lists of demands. In our house the letter to Father Christmas is to say you've been good, to ask him to fill your stocking (with little things) and then you might suggest one bigger thing. Even then our kids know not to request ridiculously huge expensive stuff.

I suppose I’m thinking about next year and whether to ask him to write a list (he’ll be 5 then).

At 4 it wasn't "a list". We just talked a bit about things dc liked etc. And whether they thought they'd play with x or y. It helped guide my gift buying.

He may very well write one in school!
I'm surprised you've gotten to 4 and nobody has asked him what he'd like for Christmas! Standard question from about 2 in December time. In the supermarket, parks, cafe, playgroups, family, I remember my eldest at 2 proudly telling everyone she wanted jam!

Mine do a list of 3 things(1 big). When my eldest was that age we didn’t do one but I as they get older I have found it works well especially as 2 of them have birthdays at this time of year too and then I add in any other bits I see that I think they will like. Just do whatever works for you.

Our kids pick one thing to ask Santa for, with a little guidance from us. And then I usually take them to the toy shop and they point out things they like or I notice things they are drawn to. Then I make a list based on these. This way they get things they want and things that I think they will like. DC are 5 and 3.

Good god no.

DS gets exactly what he wants because we DON'T ask him for a list.

Fair enough. See how he is next year. There’s no right or wrong.

We always got our kids to write a list of things they would like as we wanted to be sure they would really like what they got. But a lot of mumsnetters will tell you that creates brats. 🤷🏻‍♀️ My kids were and still are very grateful for what they receive.

We ask for a list but basically manipulate DC to ensure things on the list are what we've bought or want to buy and then we 'lock down" the list by posting it off early before they can change their minds.

My 4 year old was so specific! He got what he wanted on his list and could recite it to anyone who asked. No pressure!

We don't bother with lists, IME at 3 or 4 they just want to put thousands of things on it because they don't understand how to prioritise, or totally random things that pop into their heads like "A yellow and orange shell" that they won't actually care about on Christmas day.

I look at what they play with that they already have which could be expanded, I look at what they enjoy playing with at other's houses or nursery or playgroups, I think about what I remember playing with as a child, I go to toy shops and look at toys, I get random ideas from seeing adverts or posts online too.

If they see something in a shop that they want and I don't want to buy it at that moment then I say "Let's put it on your Christmas/birthday list", maybe even take a photo if they are really insistent and it might go into the mental suggestion box, but in general there isn't a physical list. The photos is a good technique though because for example DS2 asked for playdough in shops multiple times and I kept forgetting because it didn't seem very exciting to me, but having recalled all the photos I got some for their stockings and he was soo happy.

DH and I both do this and we seem to end up with a good selection... I was happy with how we did this year. And even though on Christmas eve DS2 asked for a remote control aeroplane, he did not in fact miss the lack of a remote control aeroplane (that I wouldn't get him because he wouldn't be able to control it and it would frustrate him).

The teenager I actively ask for suggestions because he stumps me