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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS not happy with present

41 replies

loghs · 25/12/2022 14:48

I think I AM being unreasonable, just to start with Grin

My DS is 5 and asked for a Nintendo Switch this year which was technically out of our budget so I warned him Santa might not get that but I got it anyway just to see his face as he was so excited and he's been so good.

But he's been barely fussed about it and complained about the games he got and that it isn't the colour he wanted.
I had a word with him about gratefulness and he seems to understand.

I guess I'm just feeling sad that his big present that was supposed to be super exciting has just not been that great to him and slightly irritated about the fact he doesn't feel really lucky to get it.

It's definitely a me problem but I'm really looking to see if anyone else has had a similar situation to reassure me Blush

OP posts:
Vallmo47 · 25/12/2022 14:52

You’re not being unreasonable at all and I’d have a very stern word with my kid as well. Of course you are disappointed with such an ungrateful reaction. I remember one time my son was little and someone brought him out to a soft play place and he’d apparently told his best friend (who chose to invite him), that he didn’t want to play with her. When her mum told me I was absolutely mortified and made him write an apology letter in a thank you card. The mum wasn’t overly bothered and nor was her daughter but what came of it in regards to my son was very gratifying. He’s never repeated anything like that ever again and truly learned from it. Maybe speak to your child (another time) about children in need who have nothing (in an age appropriate way).

Merry Christmas ♥️

Rumplestrumpet · 25/12/2022 14:52

It's good you know you're being unreasonable OP. I mean I totally understand why toure disappointed, but this is what small kids are like at Christmas - it's often just too overwhelming for them.

A switch is a really cool present and I'm sure he'll be excited later, and appreciate it over the coming weeks and months.

For now, just ignore his comments, enjoy the day and try not to be upset.

PenguinLove1 · 25/12/2022 14:54

Yep - a dew years ago my at the time ten year old saw trainers he really really wanted in September but he didnt need them so i said no - i took a picture and for Christmas i tracked them down thinking it would be a great surprise- when he opened them he cried saying they were the wrong ones ! They werent , he just remembered them differently but i was upset thinking he hated his present!

WeepingSomnambulist · 25/12/2022 14:55

That's why Santa always did the stocking here and a small present. Always told the kids that santa has to sorr so many presents that he cant do the big ticket number. So, smaller gift ideas on the Santa list and mum gets the bigger things and they understood cost. When they were 3 or 4,.they didnt but from 5/6 onwards, they knew what £300 was and how it is important to be grateful when people do things like that for you.

yoyo1234 · 25/12/2022 14:58

I think Christmas can be very hard for young children. There is a huge build up (elf on the shelf etc I think adds to it) . They are led to believe they will get everything they realky want (even if it is just sone of their list father Christmas will know exactly the most important things) . They are led to believe this mythical person will suddenly know all about them and also exactly what they want so they do not need to be very precise . The children are then expected to behave exactly as we as adult want them to behave. We as adults feel pressure to make the children happy and children can possibly tell.

Original poster
loghs · 25/12/2022 15:02

@yoyo1234 1000% the pressure is spot on and definitely the reason why I'm feeling down about it. The pressure to have everything be amazing, perfect and magical is very full-on and inevitably just doesn't work out like that sometimes with young children! I guess I'm just feeling like I've failed a bit in the sense of the present itself AND feeling like it's a failure of mine that he doesn't understand the luckiness to get such a big present.

OP posts:
Thesearmsofmine · 25/12/2022 15:06

Forget the switch, enjoy the rest of the day and I bet in a day or two when the overwhelm and excitement has passed he will love the switch.

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 25/12/2022 15:07

He's 5. He has no concept of the "big" present or £300 vs £3 . Just leave it aside and I bet over a few days he'll be into it.

OngoingCrisis · 25/12/2022 15:09

When I was about 7, my mom got me a ps2 for christmas and I wasn't too fussed about it. But after a while when she left me to it, I enjoyed playing with it and played it near enough everyday. I think just wait a little bit and he will love it

Oysterbabe · 25/12/2022 15:10

I don't think a Switch is a very exciting present for a 5 year old. I know he asked for it, but they don't really get gaming at that age I don't think.

Madeyoulook · 25/12/2022 15:14

Yes 5 is very young to appreciate a present and he will have no concept of the cost.

Also with some things, the expense is a risk. I got one of my dc an Xbox one year which they nagged and nagged for and for some reason they never took to it and it’s hardly been used.

Burgoo · 25/12/2022 15:15

I feel the OPs pain though we have a different situation here. My young one (2.5yrs) opened her presents and seemed rather disinterested in most of them. MY partner worried if they had gotten the "wrong things". I just wanted to remain in the moment and not worry about "what if" scenarios. Life is way too short.

Original poster
loghs · 25/12/2022 15:16

@Oysterbabe he's only a few weeks before his 6th birthday and has used the Xbox a lot. He asked for a switch because he's played on older brothers/cousins ones and gets really into it and has always been so envious of them having them, so I just thought it'd be a given that he loved it for what it is rather than complaining about the games and colours.
I imagine it's just me feeling the pressure and that's why I now feel disappointed.

OP posts:
Original poster
loghs · 25/12/2022 15:18

Additionally, there's always the worry that I've raised an ungrateful child but think AIBU with that (I hope).

OP posts:
AlwaysGinPlease · 25/12/2022 15:18

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 25/12/2022 15:07

He's 5. He has no concept of the "big" present or £300 vs £3 . Just leave it aside and I bet over a few days he'll be into it.

This. He's 5 not 15. You're making too much of the cost. If that is a lot of money to you, fine, but he as others have said, he's 5 and he has no concept of price.

Don't spoil it by getting hung up on how much the gift cost. Also if it's not the colour he wanted then he's allowed to be disappointed.

thelobsterquadrille · 25/12/2022 15:19

There's such a huge build-up to Christmas that it's normal for the actual day to fall a bit flat, especially for young children.

Try not to worry, I'm sure he'll love it over the rest of the holidays when the excitement has calmed down a little bit :)

yoyo1234 · 25/12/2022 15:19

He is 5. I think children can start learning politeness, empathy and tact but they are very unlikely to have learnt it to the extent we expect from adults, I would be a bit suprised and maybe even a bit sad if a child had learnt all those traits so young. Please do not be disappointed, you got DS an amazing gift that later he may play with lots more and I certainly do not think anything he has done is particularly ungrateful, he is so young .

saveforthat · 25/12/2022 15:20

Oysterbabe · 25/12/2022 15:10

I don't think a Switch is a very exciting present for a 5 year old. I know he asked for it, but they don't really get gaming at that age I don't think.

This. Do 5 year olds play on gaming consoles nowadays?

SeenAndNot · 25/12/2022 15:24

saveforthat · 25/12/2022 15:20

This. Do 5 year olds play on gaming consoles nowadays?

Show quote history

A few do. Many don’t. More common I’d one of the parents I’d into gaming from what I’ve seen. My 6 yr old DS has never asked for one, but he’s not really seen/experienced them.

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/12/2022 15:24

I don’t know if I am more shocked that you bought a console for a five year old or the fact you have tolerated him being “disappointed” about the colour.

I know he is five but if you don’t deal with this soon he will be an incredibly entitled little boy. Being ungrateful like this needs stamping down hard on.

Ruffpuff · 25/12/2022 15:31

My ds has just turned 4 and I didn’t really bother with any ‘big’ present this year and he seemed just as happy/blissfully unaware. Although, I’ll be honest, I’m a bit gutted at how quickly he’s become bored of his new toys. I honestly don’t think parents can win when they’re this young. They don’t understand, they don’t mean it. But yes, have that conversation with him, it’s a good learning opportunity. If he has been good and he deserves it, just view it as a minor Christmas Day excitement blip. I’d mention that it would hurt Santa’s feelings to hear hun say he’s disappointed, because Santa worked so hard to get it to him, etc.

HedgehogB · 25/12/2022 15:38

I dont know if this is good advice or not but 5 is young. I’d be upset if a 14 year old acted like that but 5 is a naturally self centred age. He would have imagined himself playing exactly the same games as he did previously with his cousins, on the same coloured switch, probably even pictured it being at their house in a way! 5 is too small to differentiate the whole experience in his head. Or understand the difference between a tenner and £300. (Aged 5 I was told I could have whatever I chose in a toy shop (within reason obvs) because my parents did know what to get for my birthday . I chose a very cheap orange and blue plastic motorbike, much cheaper than they expected, I loved it). I would just say, ok, I see you aren’t keen on the switch, let’s put it away for a couple of days while you decide if you want to keep it or return it to Santa. I bet he will soon be asking for it back!

AlwaysGinPlease · 25/12/2022 15:39

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/12/2022 15:24

I don’t know if I am more shocked that you bought a console for a five year old or the fact you have tolerated him being “disappointed” about the colour.

I know he is five but if you don’t deal with this soon he will be an incredibly entitled little boy. Being ungrateful like this needs stamping down hard on.

Oh please. You sound dramatic and rather draconian.

MilkyYay · 25/12/2022 15:42

I'd have been pretty cross about complaints about the colour.

My response would have been "ok, you don't have to have it then, let's give it to a charity would can find a little boy or girl who really wants this and pass it on to them".

My DS is just the same age. He would have been over the moon with a DS. He got a bike. Its second hand, so it isn't his favourite colour as its what we could get for a pretty perfect condition at a great price from a relative. He did not comment on the colour. His grandad thoughtlessly asked if it was his favourite, he said "well no but its one of my favourite colours".

Thepeopleversuswork · 25/12/2022 15:43

@AlwaysGinPlease

I was brought up that you always expressed gratitude for a present, no matter what it was

He is a little boy admittedly but he needs to learn that being spoiled when someone has taken time to choose and buy an expensive present isn’t on. Otherwise it will get worse.