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AIBU?

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Original poster

We agreed not to get each other presents - he got me one anyway!

49 replies

Allgoodthings1 · 25/12/2022 09:26

My husband and I agreed not to get each other anything as Christmas is really all about our toddler this year. We have a joint account and it seemed pointless to just buy each other something for the sake of it so we were going to go away somewhere instead. We agreed we’d get each other nothing, I went on and on about how I wasn’t saying that and then he was going to turn up with something, I wanted nothing. We’ve been joking about it all week so I was pretty confident neither of us had got anything.

Sure enough this morning, toddler finishes opening his presents and he hands me a present 😑 A pair of trainers, lovely, but I was so annoyed. Why do that? He said he doesn’t want any presents but wanted to get me something!

OP posts:
UmbilicusProfundus · 25/12/2022 09:28

good morning Scrooge McDuck!

JimBell · 25/12/2022 09:32

I think this is one of those situations where you can’t win. Not saying you would do this, but there have been so many threads on here where someone says they don’t want something then they get nothing and they’re upset because they didn’t really mean it. I also don’t know many people who would do absolutely no presents just because they have a toddler, most people would at least do some kind of token gift like your DH has

KangarooKenny · 25/12/2022 09:34

This really pisses me off. Nothing means nothing !!
Having had many waste of money presents off my DH over the years he finally said that he wasn’t getting me anything that we hadn’t agreed to this year. Hurray I thought, he finally gets it. No, he’s bought me shit again.

GuinnessLover · 25/12/2022 09:36

Enjoy the trainers, have a word after Christmas about how it made you feel and why. But try not to let it ruin your day OP. It is definitely annoying!

RedHelenB · 25/12/2022 09:36

UmbilicusProfundus · 25/12/2022 09:28

good morning Scrooge McDuck!

This. You'd be moaning if he hadn't bothered.

insufferableknowitall · 25/12/2022 09:37

Gosh just enjoy the trainers and have a nice Christmas ffs.

Testina · 25/12/2022 09:38

RedHelenB · 25/12/2022 09:36

This. You'd be moaning if he hadn't bothered.

Show quote history

You can’t say that!
I don’t believe she would have been.
I don’t think he should have done it, but I think @GuinnessLover had given great advice.

Dotcheck · 25/12/2022 09:40

Please put this into perspective. It really isn’t a big problem. Why turn it into a thing? There’s no need

cansu · 25/12/2022 09:42

I think you should just be happy and thank him. Should presents always be reciprocal? I am starting to think not. The point of the gift is to do something nice for the other person and not to just get something for yourself in return. Why not take it at face value. He doesn't want or need anything but wanted to give you something.

Xmassprout · 25/12/2022 09:42

I get it. My husband did this to me last year. It made me feel crap because I hadn't got anything for him, so it made me feel like I had done something wrong. I spent the morning apologising for not getting him anything even though that's what we agreed! I spoke to him about it though, he hadn't meant to make me feel bad, he just wanted me to have something to open.

This year thankfully he has stuck to the agreement and we are both happy to not have anything.

watchfulwishes · 25/12/2022 09:42

I think it is a bit joyless to do no presents at all unless finances dictate it, even when we were skint we did a bar of chocolate and some teabags. It is a bad message to send to children too - it makes it look a bit depressing being an adult!

I thiñk he wanted to be nice to you, and you can't really dictate that he's not allowed to unless there are money agreements being broken.

Whataretheodds · 25/12/2022 09:43

I don't understand what you mean by this:
I went on and on about how I wasn’t saying that and then he was going to turn up with something

Elisheva · 25/12/2022 09:44

Some people really like to give presents, it brings them joy, and it’s sometimes how they show love.
I think that people who aren’t bothered about getting presents sometimes forget that it is a two way transaction that the giver enjoys as well.

Purplechicken207 · 25/12/2022 09:46

I get it but our toddler loves 'helping' wrap a present for the other parent, decorates it with stickers and giving it (while saying what's inside 😂). So a gift in future years is probably a good thing

BingandPandomoanium · 25/12/2022 09:47

Me and my dh agreed not to get anything for each other, but he has form for ignoring the agreement so I hedged my bets and got something I can give him now or another time if he went back on the agreement!

WandaWonder · 25/12/2022 09:48

We generally don't get each other presents but we get the odd thing if we think the other likes it, sometimes one of us gets or gives more than the other it does not have to be complicated though

hattie43 · 25/12/2022 10:00

Not giving someone a gift on Christmas morning would be something I just couldn't do .
Enjoy your trainers .

WandaWonder · 25/12/2022 10:09

hattie43 · 25/12/2022 10:00

Not giving someone a gift on Christmas morning would be something I just couldn't do .
Enjoy your trainers .

Then it becomes about you, if someone genuinely saysno presents I respect that
Same if someone says they want vouchers
I don't go 'well I don't want to do that you have to have a handbag'

RealBecca · 25/12/2022 10:13

Well if it's a joint account then you paid half for them so I hope you like them

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 25/12/2022 10:24

Why do people not think outside the box here? When someone says 'no presents!' never EVER take people at their word. Always get something, wrap it, and keep it waiting in the wings.

DD's coming here at midday, and I have a gift wrapped for her DP's parents, because I don't know if they'll come with something from them or not. Sometimes they buy, sometimes they don't. When they have and we haven't I feel so embarrassed. So THIS year, we have a gift for them, and if DD and her DP bring one from them, OUT it will come from the bedroom. If not, it will stay.

YANBU @Allgoodthings1 but learn from this, ALWAYS get a gift JUST in case!

nameisnotimportant · 25/12/2022 10:27

God how dare he ! Divorce him now so he can find someone more grateful

MargaretThursday · 25/12/2022 10:30

Whataretheodds · 25/12/2022 09:43

I don't understand what you mean by this:
I went on and on about how I wasn’t saying that and then he was going to turn up with something

See, I'd have read that as a hint she was really expecting something.
It sounds like protesting too much.

TimeForMeToF1y · 25/12/2022 10:34

RedHelenB · 25/12/2022 09:36

This. You'd be moaning if he hadn't bothered.

Show quote history

What a stupid post, she couldn't have been clearer that she didn't want anything. It's hardly rocket science to not buy a present for someone who does not want one

Goldenbear · 25/12/2022 10:39

I think if he enjoyed buying it you then it's not a massive deal. We had the same agreement but I got wind of DH getting me something as he said he had to go an collect something yesterday morning - I went out and just about made the shop which was a good job as he got me two bits of stunning jewellery- one of which was signed from the DC but I knew he'd obviously arranged it. The thing is he does love to be generous with gifts and you'd almost be denying him that pleasure. I do like to see his face and I think in a marriage it kind of keeps the love alive.

ExtraOnions · 25/12/2022 10:42

“Christmas is all about our toddler this year” … why? Do you stop being a person once a child arrives ? Is there only “so much” Christmas to go round, and what you do for each other gets deducted from the toddlers fun?

What an odd state of affairs ..