We agreed not to get each other presents - he got me one anyway!

[Allgoodthings1]

My husband and I agreed not to get each other anything as Christmas is really all about our toddler this year. We have a joint account and it seemed pointless to just buy each other something for the sake of it so we were going to go away somewhere instead. We agreed we’d get each other nothing, I went on and on about how I wasn’t saying that and then he was going to turn up with something, I wanted nothing. We’ve been joking about it all week so I was pretty confident neither of us had got anything.

Sure enough this morning, toddler finishes opening his presents and he hands me a present 😑 A pair of trainers, lovely, but I was so annoyed. Why do that? He said he doesn’t want any presents but wanted to get me something!

The old "let's not buy each other presents" thing never ends well. Nobody ever means "don't buy me presents". Ever. Not on Christmas, not on birthdays, not on anniversaries. If anyone says that to me I always buy a sneaky wee gift just in case. Even just a cheap jokey present. One year a flatmate and I agreed not to buy each other Christmas presents, it was the saddest Christmas morning ever.

You pair of plonkers.

Enjoy your trainers.

And don't make such a daft agreement again.

SOMEONE ALWAYS CRACKS.

Take them back then.
How miserable.

I agree that if have complained if he hasn’t got you anything. He could never have won.

The thing to do in this scenario is to buy a present just in case and only give it them if they give you one.

Nobody ever means "don't buy me presents". Ever. Not on Christmas, not on birthdays, not on anniversaries. If anyone says that to me I always buy a sneaky wee gift just in case.
I do. I absolutely 100% do.

And if DH did this to me I'd be hurt and cross. It's rude and belittling to go back on an agreement.

SIL keeps buying gifts for my parents and embarrassing them when it's agreed we don't do adult gifts.

Who cares? DH and I said that but then I saw something that was perfect for him so I got it at the last minute 🤷‍♀️ Genuinely don't understand why anyone would find it upsetting in any way.

Well that’s just wrong.
2 sisters and a husband all in a no-present-pact for many years. All still happy 🤷🏻‍♀️

My husband did the same.

We don’t buy for each other, haven’t in years as we’ve not got a lot of money and would rather buy things for the children.

But this morning he gave me a really lovely gift that I’ve wanted for years but could never justify spending money on.

I’m very happy.

Return it if you don’t want it that much. The reality is many women do this as a sort of relationship test. Not telling the person what they want, ‘I don’t want anything/ I have everything I need’ and then they get annoyed when their partner failed the test, didn’t read their mind and didn’t get them X,Y, or Z.

I mean it.
I have everything I need and want. There is nothing at all in the world I would want anyone to buy for me. I have trouble keeping on top of decluttering my home. So when I say please do not buy me a present and somebody does, it makes me anxious because I know I can't donate it/get rid for at least a year, because they want to see me wear it/display it whatever and it's just more "stuff" to give me anxiety.
I would truly, truly rather nothing.

Not the reality I live in.
Not even the reality I see on MN 🤷🏻‍♀️

Sure, every year on MN I see people upset at Xmas / Birthday / Mother’s Day. Some of whom have good reason to be, others of whom need to learn to communicate. These are never people who’ve said “don’t get me anything”.

You saying that women do this as a test is like some fairly boring comedian’s set piece from the 70s. And it belongs there.

I mean it too.

We’ve been together 14 years and we’ve never done presents for Christmas or birthdays between us (aside from this year, he bought me something as a surprise that I’ve been lamenting not being able to afford for about 5 years, I’ve had a tough year and he said he wanted to see me smile for the first time in months).

I had six year old ds when we met so any money I had went on him, dh agreed on that so it’s always been that way and carried on when we had more children.

I agree, I hate this 'Christmas is all about the children'. No, it's not. It's for everyone, not just 'the kids'.

Why are you complaining such a nine issue

Merry fucking Christmas. What an absolute bastard you married

He doesn't listen to you. LTB

Why do that? He said he doesn’t want any presents but wanted to get me something!

There's a good chance that he thought that you would get him something and be upset that he hadn't got you something. That happened to me, a few years ago. DW was rally angry and in a foul mood all day.

Because, apparently, I should have realised!

It was her suggestion not to buy for each other.

this is stupid. I take people at face value. If they said no gifts I’d get no gifts, similarly if u said no gifts I’d expect that to be honoured!

I get why you’re annoyed that you feel he didn’t listen to you or value your request for no gifts, but ultimately as long as you can afford it it’s not a huge deal.

If I said* that was meant to say

A lot of people literally do mean it. I mean it! If I want presents I send links to my partner if specific things I want because I hate being surprised with things I don’t want or would never have chosen for myself. I buy everything I want or need for myself most of the time. And if Christmas is miserable to you without gifts, well, that’s a pretty shallow and materialistic view of Christmas you’ve got. It’s about so much more than presents.

We mean it too. Have a joint account and I buy what I want, it makes no sense for DH to buy me something. I never understand all this hinting for a particular bag or whatever for Christmas, if I want it then I just buy it myself. It just seems so illogical to do presents. I actually love xmas and am very joyful!

We went to Egypt for Christmas a year or two after getting married - had same arrangement and he had filled half his suitcase with presents for e leaving me furious but also delighted