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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed over Santa plate?

27 replies

JustAnotherManicNameChange · 24/12/2022 20:03

OH's car broke down this morning so he was moody and cranky and then went off . Fair enough, better than here and stressing me out too. Came home after a pint(or four) and promptly fell asleep at 6 pm. Quite typical for him to be honest on Christmas eve. Last one it was 7 pm. The one before that I think he lasted until 8.

Didn't bother me too much , as me and DD have our Christmas routine and things to do so just got on with it.

The issue is he woke up about an hour later and decided to "help". His help was to make the plate for Santa, without telling me or at least DD. So I go in the kitchen and he got it all ready ,didn't use the special plate and cup as he didn't even knew they existed(since he's normally asleep by the time we do it) and milk poured,mince pie and carrot on the plate etc. To be fair DD is 11 so doesn't really believe anymore and she hasn't for a while but it's still her thing. She does it all, picks the best mince pie etc. and then we put it on the table. For some reason it really annoyed me he did it all by himself without even letting her know so she had some chance to participate.

YABU - it doesn't matter who does the plate ,when or how.

YANBU - if you have children that want to be involved you don't do it yourself as an adult.

OP posts:
notsorich · 24/12/2022 20:05

Maybe it's Santa's lucky year, and he can have two plates?

NumberTheory · 24/12/2022 20:09

I think it does matter who does the Santa plate because the whole point of it is for your DD. But at the same time, it’s not a big thing.

But I presume what’s annoying you is the way this highlights his lack of engagement, that even when he was awake it didn’t occur to him that there may be some ritual involved that involved shared family time. He sort of just saw it as a pleasant chore he could do and he doesn’t go to the extra effort of involving DD in things.

Showmethefood · 24/12/2022 20:11

I think there’s two type of inconveniences in life - the small ones and the big ones. This is really one of the small ones. Yes, it’s annoying but it could really escalate and cause a big Christmas row . Is it worth that? Up to you. But if your DD wants to make another one - why not.

CaptainMyCaptain · 24/12/2022 20:13

Really small problem hardly worth bothering about. Just swap it over to the Santa plate.

Username6194 · 24/12/2022 20:16

I would sort of, kind of, ish understand your point of your DD was 4.

However at 11, you are being ridiculous

Chickychoccyegg · 24/12/2022 20:16

Why the he'll would dh do the santa plate on his own? I'd think that was very odd, and I'd tell him so, blatantly obvious the dc does it or no one at all.

xmaslurgy · 24/12/2022 20:18

Why on earth did he do it where's he been the last 11 years. He can fuck right off

Merry Christmas my arse

NeedAHoliday2021 · 24/12/2022 20:18

I can see why you’re annoyed. 11 years and he hasn’t any clue of the family tradition. What a twat. It amazes me what others tolerate in their partner.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 24/12/2022 20:20

And those saying 11 yos don’t care - mine do (I have 2) and even my almost 15 year likes the tradition and would be annoyed if it was done without her!

Oysterbabe · 24/12/2022 20:24

Really odd to do the santa plate by himself. Is he still drunk? My nearly 7 year old has just carefully got everything ready and placed it out.

Original poster
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 24/12/2022 20:33

Username6194 · 24/12/2022 20:16

I would sort of, kind of, ish understand your point of your DD was 4.

However at 11, you are being ridiculous

I think because she's 11 it grates even more. She has less and less interest in the "magic" parts which is fine and part of growing up. What if it's the last year she actually has an interest in it land gets some enjoyment out of it?

OP posts:
Ilovelurchers · 24/12/2022 20:41

As someone else said, it's really strange for an adult to do it on their own. But if he is otherwise a nice man and you both love him, not worth falling out over certainly.....

Original poster
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 24/12/2022 20:41

Chickychoccyegg · 24/12/2022 20:16

Why the he'll would dh do the santa plate on his own? I'd think that was very odd, and I'd tell him so, blatantly obvious the dc does it or no one at all.

This really. Why? I just don't understand it or the thought process of it all. Why would a grown man go into the kitchen,not say a word and do a Santa plate? And he put it on the floor which is not the best idea with a crazy arsehole cat running around.

Me and DD will do it right later, but I'm still annoyed.

OP posts:
SeenAndNot · 24/12/2022 20:46

Very very strange thing for a grown man to do.

Beelezebub · 24/12/2022 20:55

I think your bigger problem is that your daughter is 11 and he’s been so uninvolved with Christmas Eve for those 11 years due to being pissed and passed out on the sofa that he doesn’t know the plate exists.

WimbyAce · 24/12/2022 20:59

Beelezebub · 24/12/2022 20:55

I think your bigger problem is that your daughter is 11 and he’s been so uninvolved with Christmas Eve for those 11 years due to being pissed and passed out on the sofa that he doesn’t know the plate exists.

Yep, this.

dontgobaconmyheart · 24/12/2022 21:08

He sounds odd. It seems a bit sad that it's the norm for him to chip off and disengage anyway, and to not know anything about something his daughter does every christmas for a decade plus is even stranger.

I think I'd be more annoyed about him generally as a person than I would him having concocted a poor mans santa plate. Does he contribute anything else to christmas (or life together) or just amuse himself while you do it?

Greyarea12 · 24/12/2022 21:10

Beelezebub · 24/12/2022 20:55

I think your bigger problem is that your daughter is 11 and he’s been so uninvolved with Christmas Eve for those 11 years due to being pissed and passed out on the sofa that he doesn’t know the plate exists.

I agree with this. What horrible memories for her.. Dad passed out on the couch every Xmas eve.

Follycastle · 24/12/2022 21:12

I think the Santa plate is the least of your OH problems to be honest

VeniVidiWeeWee · 24/12/2022 21:15

Milk?

Sherry, surely.

Ivyonafence · 24/12/2022 21:21

There are so many of these threads where the OP is focused on one small example of the problem while ignoring the actual problem.

Your husband so bad tempered you're glad he leaves the house? He's often coming home drunk and falling asleep before dinner? He thinks putting carrots on a plate is 'helping'. He's never been involved in Christmas Eve traditions with an 11 year old.

An adult making a santa plate is really odd. I'd be annoyed to. Put all the food back and start again with your DD.

Then after Christmas look at your marriage as a whole, and the example you're setting for DD. Will you be happy if she finds herself married so someone who comes regularly home drunk and sleeps through Christmas Eve, leaves her to parents alone?

TheHateIsNotGood · 24/12/2022 21:23

It's hard when things change - DH has shaked it up a bit by still doing his usual getting pissed on Xmas Eve but this time he's also done The Santa Plate for the first time.

And has done the Santa Plate all wrong too. Outrageous behaviour! LTB now and go sleep in your car until he grovels. Or make your own plate with DD and think how sweet DH really is to at least try.

Original poster
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 24/12/2022 21:32

Ivyonafence · 24/12/2022 21:21

There are so many of these threads where the OP is focused on one small example of the problem while ignoring the actual problem.

Your husband so bad tempered you're glad he leaves the house? He's often coming home drunk and falling asleep before dinner? He thinks putting carrots on a plate is 'helping'. He's never been involved in Christmas Eve traditions with an 11 year old.

An adult making a santa plate is really odd. I'd be annoyed to. Put all the food back and start again with your DD.

Then after Christmas look at your marriage as a whole, and the example you're setting for DD. Will you be happy if she finds herself married so someone who comes regularly home drunk and sleeps through Christmas Eve, leaves her to parents alone?

He's pretty decent the rest of the year , and day to day life. I can make other threads where he sounds and is amazing.

He's not a fan of Christmas in general to put it mildly. He doesn't get the fuss, the "magic" all the traditions and effort I put in. He asked if I'm stopping the elf next year since DD obviously doesn't believe. He's been asking for the past two years. He doesn't get it's not all about believing and that it's still nice to do certain things because they're "our thing".Today he was extra stressed because of the car (needs it for work ) . He's not bad tempered but huffy,puffy , stressy and not knowing what to do with himself does put me on edge.

Tomorrow he will put his game face on and be happy and jolly and ohh and ahh over DD and her prezzies and his presents, he will play with her and spend time with us and cook most of the Christmas dinner.

He's not perfect, he can be great,he can be a twat. Just like me. Tonight bugged me because it makes no sense, even if he was a complete waste of space.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 24/12/2022 21:33

TheHateIsNotGood · 24/12/2022 21:23

It's hard when things change - DH has shaked it up a bit by still doing his usual getting pissed on Xmas Eve but this time he's also done The Santa Plate for the first time.

And has done the Santa Plate all wrong too. Outrageous behaviour! LTB now and go sleep in your car until he grovels. Or make your own plate with DD and think how sweet DH really is to at least try.

I don't have a car, could try DD's trampoline though? It seems pretty mild tonight.Grin

OP posts:
BadNomad · 24/12/2022 21:42

I really don't get this. What is the point of the santa plate and the elf thing if your DD doesn't believe? It's not "magical" any more. It's just mum moving an elf around and eating a mince pie.

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