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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wedding cancelled-mental health reasons

40 replies

Nimbostratus100 · 24/12/2022 16:57

Not too many details so not identifying

My friend was due to marry this week, but her fiance cancelled due to her specific mental health disorder and the way it was presenting the night before.

It is illegal to continue with a wedding if some of the couple is not in sound mind

we were "on notice" until today, in case it went ahead, but now it isn't happening for a while.

I just find this upsetting and confusing, and difficult to plan around.

So, do we go ahead with celebration tonight or not?

I have been asked my opinion, but honestly dont know what to say. Its a low key event, but deposits have been paid.

YABU - go ahead and celebrate the marriage that will happen one day soon
YANBU- wait until marriage happens to celebrate

My friend's mental health problems are not related in any way to depression or low mood, if that makes a difference

I am not great health wise, but am prepared to make an effort and go and join in for an hour or two, if it goes ahead

OP posts:
Zombiemum1946 · 24/12/2022 17:02

If you think your friend would be disappointed that people didn't celebrate then go and celebrate. My health issues are different but I would rather people just go ahead and enjoy themselves especially when it's all been paid for.

Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 24/12/2022 17:04

I think I'm erring on the side of lets go ahead and do it....

OP posts:
ClarathecrosseyedLioness · 24/12/2022 17:04

This is very sad and unfortunate.

(I am actually surprised, given the MH issues of the bride, that some sort of insurance wasn't taken out.)

If you find this 'upsetting and confusing, and difficult to plan around.' then imagine how the bride must feel?

Stop acting like she has done this just to inconvenience you, and be a bit more compassionate.

CatJumperTwat · 24/12/2022 17:05

I don't understand why you'd celebrate a wedding that had to be cancelled because of the bride's health. It sounds crass in the extreme.

Balloonsandroses · 24/12/2022 17:07

Are the couple well enough to celebrate and to enjoy their celebration? If yes then go ahead, if not then absolutely not.

Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 24/12/2022 17:07

ClarathecrosseyedLioness · 24/12/2022 17:04

This is very sad and unfortunate.

(I am actually surprised, given the MH issues of the bride, that some sort of insurance wasn't taken out.)

If you find this 'upsetting and confusing, and difficult to plan around.' then imagine how the bride must feel?

Stop acting like she has done this just to inconvenience you, and be a bit more compassionate.

maybe insurance was taken out, I dont actually know. I know she didn't do it to inconvenience me. But I am extremely unwell myself, and it is a big deal to go out, requiring lots of planning and support. I think I'm going to vote go ahead and we will celebrate tonight ... otherwise it is another event that need to be rearranged around everybody and everything, isn't it. AT least we know all the guests are free tonight, and able to transport themselves, because they have already arranged to

|It does feel a but strange going ahead with the wedding dinner, without the wedding having happened

OP posts:
Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 24/12/2022 17:09

Balloonsandroses · 24/12/2022 17:07

Are the couple well enough to celebrate and to enjoy their celebration? If yes then go ahead, if not then absolutely not.

yes, this specific mental health issue causes joy and energy - she is very much up for a celebration.... she was just not considered of sound enough mind to marry

OP posts:
Stressedmum2017 · 24/12/2022 17:10

Are you for real? You clearly don't have the first clue about mental illness!! Saying it's nothing to do with depression just proves that 🤦‍♀️you can have symptoms completely unrelated to depression that can have you under section severely unwell for months at a time you know. I suggest you stay well out of it and don't voice your opinions to the party because you are clearly ignorant.

Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 24/12/2022 17:12

Stressedmum2017 · 24/12/2022 17:10

Are you for real? You clearly don't have the first clue about mental illness!! Saying it's nothing to do with depression just proves that 🤦‍♀️you can have symptoms completely unrelated to depression that can have you under section severely unwell for months at a time you know. I suggest you stay well out of it and don't voice your opinions to the party because you are clearly ignorant.

sorry, dont understand your post - and I am involved as I am a close family friend and have been asked - maybe specifically because my own health problems mean I might not be able to attend if the date is changed

OP posts:
xmaslurgy · 24/12/2022 17:13

If both couples are up for a party then go ahead. They can book a quiet registry office wedding when she's better and keep rebooking as required.

Nimbostratus100 · 24/12/2022 17:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

albapunk · 24/12/2022 17:17

Stressedmum2017 · 24/12/2022 17:10

Are you for real? You clearly don't have the first clue about mental illness!! Saying it's nothing to do with depression just proves that 🤦‍♀️you can have symptoms completely unrelated to depression that can have you under section severely unwell for months at a time you know. I suggest you stay well out of it and don't voice your opinions to the party because you are clearly ignorant.

I think it is yourself who is coming across as clueless about MH issues. Depression is a mental health issue but not all mental health issues include or experience depression.

Balloonsandroses · 24/12/2022 17:18

I hope the couple and their guests all have a wonderful time. I think definitely the right thing to go ahead (so long as not likely to risk making her symptoms worse)

Whadda · 24/12/2022 17:20

I’m confused.

She has a mental health issue that presents as joy and energy.

Her fiancée decided she was too joyful and energetic one night recently so made the decision that they weren’t legally allowed get married?

Stressedmum2017 · 24/12/2022 17:21

albapunk · 24/12/2022 17:17

I think it is yourself who is coming across as clueless about MH issues. Depression is a mental health issue but not all mental health issues include or experience depression.

Show quote history

That is exactly the point I'm making it is you have misunderstood my point.

Stressedmum2017 · 24/12/2022 17:21

Whadda · 24/12/2022 17:20

I’m confused.

She has a mental health issue that presents as joy and energy.

Her fiancée decided she was too joyful and energetic one night recently so made the decision that they weren’t legally allowed get married?

Look up hypomania /mania

ClarathecrosseyedLioness · 24/12/2022 17:24

@Whadda I’m con fused.
She has a mental health issue that presents as joy and energy.
Her fiancée decided she was too joyful and energetic one night recently so made the decision that they weren’t legally allowed get married?

You're not the only one who is confused.

Has she been Sectioned under the Mental Health Act, I wonder, if so why is she allowed outside of a Secure Unit??

Whadda · 24/12/2022 17:26

Stressedmum2017 · 24/12/2022 17:21

Look up hypomania /mania

Show quote history

That wasn’t my point.

My point is that it’s quite bizarre that a man would turn to a woman and say “I’ve deemed you mentally incapable of entering into a legal contract and so our wedding in a few days’ time is cancelled”.

Surely she’s not staying with him after that?

How can we determine that she’s too mentally unwell?

Original poster
Nimbostratus100 · 24/12/2022 17:30

Whadda · 24/12/2022 17:26

That wasn’t my point.

My point is that it’s quite bizarre that a man would turn to a woman and say “I’ve deemed you mentally incapable of entering into a legal contract and so our wedding in a few days’ time is cancelled”.

Surely she’s not staying with him after that?

How can we determine that she’s too mentally unwell?

Show quote history

He didn't decide for himself that she was mentally too unwell. He cancelled the wedding having been advised by a doctor that the registrar would not accept she was capable of taking the vows.

This is a long standing condition, it becomes a serious problem occasionally, but is generally well managed. just not this week, unfortunately.

OP posts:
Aprilx · 24/12/2022 17:31

I really don’t understand this situation or why it is even up to you. But no of course I would not celebrate a wedding that has not happened because somebody is deemed to ill to proceed.

You are also coming across not very well here OP, perhaps you should focus a little less on your own “upset and confusion” over the situation.

Spaghetti201 · 24/12/2022 17:32

Reading between the lines it sounds like the bride is a substance user and got “high” 🤷‍♀️

babybabybabyblue · 24/12/2022 17:32

Like myself, she probably suffers from bipolar disorder. She will quite possibly be going through a manic episode.......joyful, happy, ready to party, but multiply that by about fifty, and it will be quite apparent to others at the celebrations that she is really unwell.

In that manic phase, she will lose her sense of judgement, and things could get embarrassing and difficult, particularly if alcohol is added to an already potent mix.

Flip the good old bipolar coin, and you'll see the depression. Multiply that by fifty and it will take your life.

I hope that they have cancellation insurance because she is very clearly too unwell.

Her fiance needs to google bipolar disorder.

Stressedmum2017 · 24/12/2022 17:36

Spaghetti201 · 24/12/2022 17:32

Reading between the lines it sounds like the bride is a substance user and got “high” 🤷‍♀️

No it doesn't. It sounds like she's got bipolar. This is the type of idiotic shit we have to out up with. Educate yourself.

TokyoSushi · 24/12/2022 17:37

If for example she's currently going through a manic episode of bipolar, I really don't think the celebration is a good idea, there's every chance things could be very difficult.

babybabybabyblue · 24/12/2022 17:46

If she's on the radar of the CMHS, then someone needs to contact them ASAP, because depending on how 'high' she is, it is unlikely that she will engage with them.

She may need to be Sectioned, for her well-being. It is not a negative thing at all. Bipolar is never, ever easy, but modern medications enable those with it to lead pretty much normal lives.

Poor girl.