Am I causing a row where there isn’t one or would this upset you also

[Travelplans]

DH just went to say something to me but stopped himself and then mumbled under his breath. I asked what he said. He then said “I was going to say that I moved your velvetiser to the garage to make space on the side for your sisters air fryer tomorrow but then I knew you’d go mehmehmeh (in a mocking tone) that you’d want a hot chocolate in the morning so I stopped myself. “

I said to him do you know how many times you talk to me or about me like that lately and it’s not kind.

He told me I was causing an argument where there isn’t one and now we’re in some kind of awkward silence.

My issue isn’t him moving the velvetiser, we need more space it’s fine. My issue is that he could have just said I’ve moved the velvetiser, if you want to use it then we can bring it back in. Why did he need to mock me kicking off when I wouldn’t have said anything anyway.

Another example just the other day the kids needed a battery for something, we didn’t have any so the one from my work mouse got used. We then bought some and when we got home he said let’s make sure the battery gets put back before we have mummy kicking off on Monday morning. I might have huffed a little and gone and got the battery but that would have been it. Who wouldn’t find that annoying.

So Aibu that this is not a nice way to talk about your wife?

He absolutely shouldn't be speaking to the kids like that

It would make me furious. Especially as he’s involving your DC and teaching them that you’re the stroppy, moany parent and he’s the calm reasonable parent.

You’ve reacted perfectly. He’s claiming that you’re starting an argument because he’s either got to admit he’s being nasty about you, or give you examples of where you’ve kicked off unnecessarily, which he won’t be able to do if you don’t do that.

(Rolls eyes)

Yes if the kids see him mocking you like this they will more than likely treat you the same no matter how lovely you are. Sad but fucking true.

What are you rolling your eyes at @holierthanthou73 ?

Are you stroppy? Has he not just learned a pattern in the way you will react?

He sounds childish.
Have you been a little less even tempered recently and instead of talking you've got irritated and instead of asking if you're ok he's making little snips at you?
Tell him to shut up unless he can be kind

He shouldn’t be talking about you like that in front of your children.

Be honest though, do you have a tendency to get a bit ranty and naggy about minor things?

He sounds quite bitchy.

I’d make a mental note to myself to listen to myself speak to my husband and then see if I do similar or he has valid cause for saying it. If neither, I’d call him on it and say it’s unkind and it’s teaching the kids bad habits. Actually I might tell him the latter anyway, if he has an issue he should address you about it in private.

Do you kick off about things? Maybe he knew how you'd react?

If a man behaves badly its always the woman's fault for not pacifying him and being placid enough op.

Regardless of whether he has a point, making passive aggressive snarky comments in front of your children is not on, and the fact he’s doing that makes me think he’s an arsehole rather than you being a ranty nag.

Sounds like you are both unreasonable. He’s making petty comments in front of the kids which doesn’t sit well with my but your behaviour sounds unacceptable too. “Huffing” because you chose to use the battery from your mouse for your kid’s toy and then having to put it back is also unreasonable. People who huff and puff out loud and drag everyone’s mood down annoy me. Sounds like it annoys your partner too.

I guess it depends. Have you become a bit of a grumbler and moaner about stuff. It can happen without you realising it. If he told his side of the story, what would his take on it be?

You’ve reacted perfectly. He’s claiming that you’re starting an argument because he’s either got to admit he’s being nasty about you, or give you examples of where you’ve kicked off unnecessarily, which he won’t be able to do if you don’t do that.

If.

Depends if you're a moan and a gripe and generally quite bad tempered.
Maybe he's got a point. Maybe not.

Unfortunately, contempt is known as one of the four horseman of the relationship apocalypse for a reason. When this sort of behaviour starts to creep in - and eye rolling or mumbling and mocking etc do show an element of contempt - it needs to be addressed asap. Or it is already too late.

I’m not sure, if his perception is you do behave like this then he might be getting pig sick of it. Doesn’t make it ok to be passive Aggressive about it, but it appears he thinks you’re a moaning pita.

That kind of pre-emptive moaning really pisses me off. Wait till I've actually done/said the thing you want to moan about before you complain.

He is putting you in an impossible situation.

Saying 'you're argumentative'. You agree then yes you're argumentative. You disagree then you're arguing. That's what he is doing.

And in a really nasty manner 'mehmehmeh' is the equivalent of 'blah blah blah' and implies you're nagging and over reacting etc

Sounds like it's him causing a row when there doesn't need to be one

Well I wasn’t expecting an apology but he just came to me and said sorry, he’ll be more mindful of how he talks about me in the future!

Does he know you're on MN?

Funny how he’s suddenly said that after some of the replies you’ve had….