Is this showing a lack of respect from DH? (gaming question)

[TinselTinselTinsel]

DH games quite a bit. He helps out too (is in charge of all food and cooking for xmas for example) - but he loves gaming and often sneaks of for a game when he can - even if is looking after the DC (who are 3 and 1). I just came downstairs to DC (1 ys old) left by himself in one room, while he games in the other.

ANYWAY - when I talk to DH when he games, he often can't concentrate - like just now I went to ask him what last minute things we need from the shop for tomorrow - and he just kept failing to answer or saying 'what' and then going back to the game. He kept saying 'one minute, one minute' and then getting absorbed by the game. So I just walked away

he says it's like him talking to me right when i'm in the middle of watching a film - like would i like it or be able to answer if he was asking me things during a fave film or if i was reading a book.

I see what he is saying - but i feel like i'm talking to a rude teenage boy - and also I don't watch films in the middle of the day. But the way he is ignoring me, then shouting at the screen, then saying 'one minute' etc - I'm not going to stand around waiting for the game to reach a point he can focus to answer a simple question like 'is there anything you need from the shop'?

Am I being an uptight arsehole?

Fuck my life you've got the patience of a Saint putting up with that.
Parents can't just opt out with pre agreement, has he not realised this with the 3 years he's already done?

I'm assuming he's playing online co-op games where you can't pause them, which is the reason for the distraction and "one minute" business. He shouldn't be playing games like that if he's in charge of your children. He should also check before he starts that there's nothing more important he needs to do or talk to you about, if he's wanting to be uninterruptible for an hour or more.

I'm assuming you don't leave your 1yr old unattended and up to their own devices in another room when you're watching a film. YANBU.

I like a game but there's a time and a place and it's not leaving a 1 yr old unattended in another room.

Time for a chat I think.

It's really not OK to leave a one year old unattended while the parent in charge games. I'd be more worried about that than the not answering questions - though to be fair, that would also drive me to distraction.

Gaming doesn't really seem compatible with family life when the children aren't yet in school. DC of that age are exhausting and relentless! I rarely managed to read a book or watch a film when my DC were under 5.

He's being negligent. He placed your kids at risk. My husband games but it's prearranged. Our kids are teenagers so it's not an issue . Your dh needs to grow the fuck up right now.

@Relocatiorelocation Patience of a saint OR a bit of a mug?? that's what it feels like.

This is why no gaming would be a non-negotiable for me if I had to find a new partner. It’s such a time suck and stops families spending proper time together, unlike titting around on mumsnet

@Zombiemum1946 - yeah, DC was watching Cocomelon and he just left him and went to game (DH had headphones on too) I was upstairs with the older DC. I said to DH 'what the hell' and he said 'i was checking on him'

pull the other one.

DH is 43 by the way.

If he doesn't want to be constantly interrupted, he should stay off his games while he's meant to be parenting his children.

My DH likes gaming, but when the kids were little he limited it to evenings when they were in bed ( not every evening!). Now they're bigger he does sometimes sneak off to game, but it's always something he can leave if the kids need something.

My partner likes gaming and did sometimes when the kids were young. Not when he was in charge of the kids though and not often in the day when there was stuff to be done, kids wanted attention, family life was happening etc. It was usually when they were in bed if he did it.

When kids are young, there’s constant interruptions and they need/want parents attention so most gamers realise it doesn’t really work with little kids around. Leaving a 1 year old alone to ‘sneak’ off to game is disgusting.

Old enough to know better. He needs a reality check. He's a parent not a teenager.

I can't feel smug about very much to do with getting old but I'm so glad my husband never got into gaming. All the best, OP. Hope you can get him into shape.

It’s not the gaming that is the issue, there’s nothing wrong with it as a hobby, but like everything else, it has to fit in with family life which takes priority. My partner would never have ignored our children or left them alone to fame. That’s a problem with the person, not the gaming.

*GAME

I got my son a t-shirt with one minute printed on the back

This would really annoy me - and my dh is a gamer. We have the Xbox in the living room and both he and Ds aged 10 are on and off it all day long BUT we do go out a lot as a family and share things equally, and because it’s in the main room we’re all chatting to each other constantly etc. When dd was younger there was no way dh would ignore him or play in another room. Mumsnet hates gaming but it’s the same as any other hobby- I knit and I can be completely self absorbed and find it hard to listen to other people when I really get into it 🙈 You’ve got a dh issue.

I feel he will definitely listen to the safety point - when I came downstairs - he looked guilty and he knew it wasn't ok. He then made a joke about 'christmas forgiveness' etc.

The ignoring me thing he doens't see a problem with. And yes he is playing online with others so he doesn't want to mess up the game. But I can't wait for my opportunity to speak - we are busy parents with two little ones - there are always small thigns to ask like what you need from the shop, or shall we go do this later or whatever.

That's why he needs to pre arrange times when he is free to online game and won't be interrupted. So when he's not involved in family life, such as evenings when the children are asleep. Or if you and the children are out without him.

I game but when dc were little I didn’t, I missed it but it was tough. I also game online and am admin of an adult gaming clan that has close to 60 members. so not only do I game I get the joy of sorting out behavioural issues, I have been instrumental in expelling three members for bad behaviour. I also get to chase people who are absent and find out what they haven’t gamed for a months so family issues, illness etc fine but if they have stopped playing then they are removed to fill the space. It’s a bit like being HR for the group.

DH games in the evening when the kids are in bed. Sometimes we have nights apart where he games and I watch Selling Sunset, probably 2/3 nights out of 7. It sounds like your DH has a gaming addiction if he's putting the kids below gaming in the daytime

I like gaming, but there’s a time and a place. It definitely shouldn’t be happening when he’s responsible for the DC.

When DC were tiny, I only did gaming after DC were tucked up in bed. They’re all in school now, but I’m still only gaming during the day if it’s a game I’m playing with the DC.

If he’s wanting to play online with others, then he really should be arranging times in advance, in discussion with you, so that you’re both happy it’s a good time for it when there shouldn’t be the need for interruptions. Such as when DC are in bed in the evening, or if you’ve planned to take the DC out to an activity.

The not answering properly is absolutely annoying. Leaving a 1 year old alone in a room while he games in the other with headphones on is downright dangerous and unforgivable!!!!

If he can’t pay enough attention to you to even answer a simple question while he’s gaming, how in the hell could he be safely looking after his 1 year old…he can’t!!!