Is this a common pet peeve?

[Hiimblahblah]

I’ve mentioned this to my partner and he doesn’t get it 😅 when someone refers to a woman as Mrs (Husband forename) & (Married Surname). Like Mrs Barrack Obama instead of her own forename.

I wouldn’t describe myself as a hardcore feminist, but this really is something that grinds my gears. Maybe it’s personal and not a common pet peeve, but I feel like women already lose a part of their identity when changing their name after marriage. By referring to them as their husband, it feels like the person is denying their identity all together.

But I chose to take his surname, where the forename is being forced upon me whether I like it or not. I feel like it’s disrespectful.

We could do this all day, so we’ll leave it at that 😂

It's just extremely traditional, remember when at Wimbledon Chris Evert was referred to as Mrs J M Lloyd? Eventually, even they became more modern.

The other tradition was that Mrs Bloggs would be called Mrs F (Fred) Bloggs and then if she was widowed she'd be Mrs J (Jane Bloggs) or whatever. We've all moved on a good deal since then.

The only people I know who do this are my in-laws, who address every joint card etc to Mr and Mrs [DH first and last name]. I haven't even taken his last name and they know this. That I can kind of get over but I do feel (somewhat ungratefully) peeved when they send me birthday cards addressed to Mrs [DH first and second name] containing the traditional £10 cheque made out to that name! Tbh for the sake of an uncashable £10 cheque and family relations I would never raise it but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't irritate me a wee bit 😅

When we got married I remember talking to one of my friends about how unfair this was and I promised to do her invite in reverse eg Mrs and Mr Sally Smith except I forgot to change the formatting back again so I accidentally did it on every single invite. Took it as my own small f u to the patriarchy 😂

I hâte it too

So as an example

You have Jane and John Smith.

Jane is referred to as Mrs John John instead of Mrs Jane Smith;it makes it sound as though Jane is Johns property and gives John ownership of Jane instead of Jane being a woman who's John's partner and equal.

It's very old fashioned and patriarchal.

Much neater to address envelopes that way though, which I think is why it persists.

How is it neater. It's just as easy to write two names as one. I'm really surprised this still persists and women are still being addressed this way.

When I was married and still had a mortgage with my then husband, the building society that we had our mortgage with always managed to address their letters to Mr John Brown and Mrs Jill Brown (obviously not our names) and we've been divorced since 1999.

I literally explained why taking my husbands surname was easier when dealing with an abusive family than changing my name randomly

Besides which I took his surname, a deliberate act. I didn't take his first name. It's not the same thing

It's like if you accept sprouts you have to also eat carrots because they are both veg

Thank you 💐

For me, I took my husbands last name and I saw that as a nice symbol of joining that family and I wanted us both to have the same family name as our kids. To me is a symbol of being a wee family unit, however referring to me by my husbands first and last name feels like an erasure of identity I may be married but I'm still myself and I think using my first name is respectful of the retention of my identity as myself first and wife second? So I think there is a difference.

^ Much neater to address envelopes that way though, which I think is why it persists.^

How is it neater. It's just as easy to write two names as one. I'm really surprised this still persists and women are still being addressed this way.

It's even neater and easier to simply not write any initials or forenames at all on the envelope. They're simply not necessary unless the recipients are in a combined household with relatives which would make using just the surname ambiguous.