I was going to post this a couple of days ago, but thought I’d wait in case I was wrong / to see if anything had changed. Unfortunately it hasn’t and so I’m asking for advice/ support/ if I’m overreacting.
Apologies that this may be long- I think for advice i get, you’ll need to get some insight into why things perhaps aren’t so straightforward.
My partner & I have been together for almost 4 years now, and she has two boys from previous- and I am their step-parent. They’re very polite, easy going, and play really well with all other children. My partner & I got married last year, but aside from my mum, not a single member of my family/ extended family acknowledge them.
I have a large extended family and between us all, there are 9 children between the ages of 5-13 (including our boys). My partner and I always make a big effort to choose lovely and thoughtful gifts for each child every birthday and every Christmas; we’ve never missed a single one. We sign them off from me, my partner, and our boys.
To this date, the boys have not received so much as a birthday card from any of them, and even this year when we went over and travelled for hours to drop off Christmas presents to to my family, not a single one had got our boys anything. Not even a card.
For some of my family, it’s that they ‘just’ don’t really care/ haven’t really thought about it, but for others i can’t help but feel that it’s out of spite.
For example, my sister has a very strange relationship with me. I love her and always looked up to her. I idolised her as a kid, and I’m always cheering her on and am there for her when she needs. But it feels like she’s always trying to be in competition with me. She ignores every single one of my achievements, makes digs at me whenever she can ‘as a joke’ but yet often copies me. The thing is, I’m not like that, and I love her and would gladly help her with anything. She’s older than me, but on paper, I’ve ‘achieved’ more than her - career, House, salary, relationship etc. (not that I think that is the be-all and end-all of life achievements, not even close, but her passive aggression towards me has gotten so much worse the more successful I’ve become). She has two daughters who I adore. They often come for sleepovers, join us on family days out etc. I know she’s got Christmas presents for her nieces & nephews on her partners side as she always makes an effort for them, but not even a card for our boys. She’ll know I’ve noticed, but when you confront her, even gently, she gets extremely defensive and will cut me out. She’s done this before (she made a ‘joke’ about my weight - I told her it upset me) and I didn’t get to see my nieces for 6 months - she did apologise but I think she’d do it again.
i love and care about all of my nieces, nephews, and little cousins immensely, and I would never stop making an effort with them just because their parents don’t make an effort with ours, but it does hurt. Especially because I think our boys deserve to be cared about. They really are great kids, but even if they weren’t, that’s still not a reason to ignore/ outcast a child is it?
I’m just so confused and going over & over everything in my head. I’ve never argued with my extended family, fallen out with them, etc. so I can’t understand why they seem to be so uncomfortable about my stepchildren? Maybe I’m overthinking.
I know that I’m definitely p*ssed off. Tho as I’ve been writing this, I'm just getting more upset.
So my questions I guess, are;
-Am I right to feel angry & upset about this?
-Should I talk to my family about this? Should I just talk to certain members?
-If I am to talk/ confront, when should I do it? Should I wait until after Christmas period?
-Has anyone else been through similar?