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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To just do nothing?

36 replies

Zedcarz · 23/12/2022 18:22

I'm 50, I'm knackered, been nursing sick kids all week plus working and other commitments whilst also experiencing the 'winter bug' for nearly two months.

Tomorrow's Christmas eve, I was hoping to be 'ready', house tidy, presents wrapped etc but instead I've been on the sofa all day.
I have chronic fatigue as well as physical disabilities and neurodivergent conditions and have been wiped out for a few years now.

I'm also menopausal and been too exhausted to take any of my meds, adhd, hrt, pain, or any other practice from my extensive toolbox of things that make it semi bearable sometimes!

I'm unwashed, hair is at the point where I'm considering folowing no-poo as an excuse for the current state (last attempted approx 1990!)

House is a general shithole, although I have presents they're unwrapped and I haven't properly sorted to see if everyone is having fair share etc and had planned to sort today and do possible top up shop tonight/ tomorrow.
Kitchen and lounge and our bedrooms are shocking

I also had lunch date and night out invites today, instead have binge watched Pieces of Her and am really looking forward to Motherland tonight ☺️
I'm in a lot of pain as well as super lethargic, venting a bit here but, am I being a twat just leaving everything?

OP posts:
JaneJeffer · 23/12/2022 18:27

Just leave it. Fuck it. Have a shower though Grin and a stiff drink

Zedcarz · 23/12/2022 18:33

JaneJeffer · 23/12/2022 18:27

Just leave it. Fuck it. Have a shower though Grin and a stiff drink

Haha! I keep intending to shower / bath but it feels such an effort. Really need to pull my finger out a tad!
Would love a stiff drink but really want to shake this bug and my low immunity etc means I have really long exhausting effects from alcohol , even one drink knocks me out for days , so bloody unfair!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 23/12/2022 18:35

Too exhausted to take meds? Really? How is it so difficult? (I take loads so prep a week at a time. They’re not optional for me)

lifesabitchandthenyoudie · 23/12/2022 18:43

I'm sorry you're so wiped out. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and know what it's like to hit the wall, I hope the people close to you understand a little? It can make all the difference. My family knows if I have to call a halt to everything it's ok and they don't take it personally. Make self care your priority and don't stress any of the other stuff. There's always another day - people often love getting a gift in January! Main priority is to drink water and take your meds. Rest!

User787878787878 · 23/12/2022 19:06

YANBU. Have a shower though - I promise you will feel better for doing so. Get into PJs, get on the sofa with some snacks and watch something good.

User787878787878 · 23/12/2022 19:07

PS - I don't have CFS but am wiped out by this bloody virus that's doing the rounds. 4 days without a shower and I finally dragged myself in this afternoon and feel better for it.

GreenLeavesRustling · 23/12/2022 19:14

Do you have people coming round? Kids?

I have chronic pain, and when things get like this I have a ‘back to basics’ approach.

have a shower and wash hair
clean clothes / pyjamas
a healthy meal, however basic

i always feel so much better after.
if you have any more energy, I’d choose how to use it depending on what’s happening in the next few days

Zedcarz · 24/12/2022 01:11

GreenLeavesRustling · 23/12/2022 19:14

Do you have people coming round? Kids?

I have chronic pain, and when things get like this I have a ‘back to basics’ approach.

have a shower and wash hair
clean clothes / pyjamas
a healthy meal, however basic

i always feel so much better after.
if you have any more energy, I’d choose how to use it depending on what’s happening in the next few days

Yeah kids and close family,

thanks I will do wash and dress tomorrow and have got bedding out to change it!
have done a mild tidy and vague sorting of presents (plus big search for a lost 'key' gift which was 'rare' old stock when I bought it months ago 🙄)

OP posts:
Zedcarz · 24/12/2022 01:12

User787878787878 · 23/12/2022 19:06

YANBU. Have a shower though - I promise you will feel better for doing so. Get into PJs, get on the sofa with some snacks and watch something good.

Thank you, didn't shower but emptied bins, put some stuff away and then settled with snacks, will defo wash tomorrow, still have the cold symptoms, sneezing as I type, sorry 🤣😷🤧

OP posts:
Zedcarz · 24/12/2022 01:14

lifesabitchandthenyoudie · 23/12/2022 18:43

I'm sorry you're so wiped out. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and know what it's like to hit the wall, I hope the people close to you understand a little? It can make all the difference. My family knows if I have to call a halt to everything it's ok and they don't take it personally. Make self care your priority and don't stress any of the other stuff. There's always another day - people often love getting a gift in January! Main priority is to drink water and take your meds. Rest!

Thanks for understanding, I hit the wall every winter till about March!
I've become very choosy about how I spend my time and who with, can be lonely but it is so much better than being around people who are judgey and critical of my limitations!

OP posts:
Zedcarz · 24/12/2022 01:20

Wolfiefan · 23/12/2022 18:35

Too exhausted to take meds? Really? How is it so difficult? (I take loads so prep a week at a time. They’re not optional for me)

I guess its different strokes for different folks... when I'm this fucked self care goes out the window including the things that make me better. Any effort is too much effort regardless of how many pre-prepped day and time meds pots I have.
It's not unusual for people with ADHD (and other chronic conditions) to struggle with management of very basic things.
Executive dysfunction, brain fog, sheer effort of the nervous system managing pain etc and no amount of charts, phone alarms, alexa reminders, post its, diaries, calendars, sarky questions and disbelieving comparisons will help with this

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 24/12/2022 01:25

I just want to say I'm sorry things are so hard just now and I hope you feel better soon.

LBFseBrom · 24/12/2022 01:32

Zedcarz, I could almost have written your post. Nearly every sentence struck a chord with me, even to the point of losing things bought as gifts.

One difference is I am a lot older than you.

We'll have to get ourselves moving tomorrow - actually today as it is 0130!

Good luck to both of us.

DuchessDandelion · 24/12/2022 02:02

@Wolfiefan I've had lived my whole life with serious chronic illnesses, the latest one being chronic fatigue and I completely get what the op says.

My meds are not optional either, but if I didn't have loved ones to help look after me during the bad days they wouldn't get taken. And when they're not around, the meds don't always get taken. Yes, this has a big impact. Bad days leave you without the strength or ability to move.

Op - as pp said, f*ck if. Focus on the absolute minimum you need to get by. Flowers

Zedcarz · 24/12/2022 09:07

ilovesooty · 24/12/2022 01:25

I just want to say I'm sorry things are so hard just now and I hope you feel better soon.

That's really kind of you thank you. I had a few misdiagnoses for many years so it's only since reaching 'rovk bottom' that I've been able to access more appropriate support which has put me on many looking waiting lists but I'm constantly in my head sating this can't go on like this, I need to get some semblance of living back and control over my body and health, I can't live this half life forever and y kids won't be kidsfor much longer I want them to have their vibrant happy mum back and hopefonce I start getting proper support that will be more than just a pipe dream!

OP posts:
Zedcarz · 24/12/2022 09:12

LBFseBrom · 24/12/2022 01:32

Zedcarz, I could almost have written your post. Nearly every sentence struck a chord with me, even to the point of losing things bought as gifts.

One difference is I am a lot older than you.

We'll have to get ourselves moving tomorrow - actually today as it is 0130!

Good luck to both of us.

Bless you, thanks for sharing! I managed about two hours sleep tops, not bring able to get out or exercise inhibits my sleep even when im beyond shattered im still wired and messing with the meds regime really doesn't help so i got up and out first thing, bought what i needed and have food delivery this morning, once they've been im hoping to get a couple hours shut eye then steeling myself to start going through dustbin bags for the missing goods, fortunately one turned up but the most expensive missing one still eludes me, because I've been so poorly, I didn't properly unpack delivered gifts and just hiding stuff willy nilly from kids instead of putting them all in the same place at once!

OP posts:
Zedcarz · 24/12/2022 09:16

DuchessDandelion · 24/12/2022 02:02

@Wolfiefan I've had lived my whole life with serious chronic illnesses, the latest one being chronic fatigue and I completely get what the op says.

My meds are not optional either, but if I didn't have loved ones to help look after me during the bad days they wouldn't get taken. And when they're not around, the meds don't always get taken. Yes, this has a big impact. Bad days leave you without the strength or ability to move.

Op - as pp said, f*ck if. Focus on the absolute minimum you need to get by. Flowers

Thank you it's ridiculous knowing that something so small can make such a difference but is too much effort for various reasons. I do have an enabler but only once a week and cleaner got a new job and haven't been able to find anyone so my workload has massively increased and kids projectiling just added a whole nother layer of work,im just learning about object permanence too, which I think means that with all the will in the world, reminders no matter how presented cease to stand out to me and just become like wallpaper or part of the scenery, its a very real issue and something I've struggled with all my life!

OP posts:
Ursuladevine · 24/12/2022 09:21

How old are your children?

Ursuladevine · 24/12/2022 09:21

Get off mumsnet.
have a shower

and just do the bare minimum to make it nice for your kids

Wolfiefan · 24/12/2022 10:36

I have chronic conditions too. I understand the feeling of not being able to move. But if I don’t take my meds it will get worse not better. So I have to take them. Some things can not be done. But they’re not optional for me. @DuchessDandelion

DDivaStar · 24/12/2022 10:42

Honestly don't stress about anything.

I would try to have your meds, that inturn might make you feel better and a shower could help you feel better too. Do you have food for the next couple of days ? If not can you get some supplies on deliveroo?

You do need to keep yourself and your kids fed and safe, anything else is a bonus.

Zedcarz · 24/12/2022 11:21

Ursuladevine · 24/12/2022 09:21

Get off mumsnet.
have a shower

and just do the bare minimum to make it nice for your kids

Fortunately the bare minimum was already done, so now i only have wrapping, cooking and table setting to do, food all prepped, some part cooked.

needs a wee bit of a tidy, do the floors and of course myself.

washing/ showering and bathing are all very painful and energy consuming even with all the aids.

its not a case of just 'sitting on mumsnet' like portrayals of slatternly women from kitchen sink dramas.

I do my best all the time, I really care and considering my limitations i think i set pretty high standards where iccan which is probablywhy i keep burning out.

i have to weigh up the cost of every single action I take, sitting up , standing, lying down, making a cuppa, changing sheets etc, I use all my energy for the kids, house and work.

I have more time alone sitting than I would choose , I'd prefer to spend my free time doing hobbies or meeting friends but sometimes I just lie when I can to make up for the energy expenditure.

I always feel guilty about resting hence my post on here.

We are all neurodivergent at home and some of my physical issues have been inherited by my kids too.

They actually prefer our house to anywhere else because we are more relaxed. They have said they prefer Christmas just us because its more chilled , less regimented and less pressure than going to other people's house and doing things that family's way.

they're also used to having a disabled mum and although it's obviously disappointing at times they have great full lives, a beautiful home and are very loved and supported.

I believe they have learned compassion partly because of our situation and its good to remind people that we celebrate Christmas to remember the OG of compassion and kindness and his stories, parables, whatever you call them showed real respect for women, the widow's mite story and mary magdelen, doing the best they can with what they've got.

The kids were sick in bed for five days, i was also ill, the house was decorated ages ago for Christmas with top ups here and there when ive been up to it.

Food and presents all bought.

yesterday i paid for them to go their favourite event which they loved, then they stayed with their dad and aren't here till tomorrow so wont be impacted in the slightest by yesterday's non productive day and they'll love their presents and the day plus everything else I do as a decent loving mum .

OP posts:
Zedcarz · 24/12/2022 11:24

DDivaStar · 24/12/2022 10:42

Honestly don't stress about anything.

I would try to have your meds, that inturn might make you feel better and a shower could help you feel better too. Do you have food for the next couple of days ? If not can you get some supplies on deliveroo?

You do need to keep yourself and your kids fed and safe, anything else is a bonus.

Thank you, I took everything I needed last night and again just now, feeling more on track, just received final food delivery, and hoping i can get a couple of hours sleep before I tackle anything else.
because we were all ill and didn't really eat for a week I have huge amounts of food but specifically needed today's delivery as included some presents for visitors, at least I won't need to shop again for a long time!

OP posts:
Ursuladevine · 24/12/2022 12:05

How many people are coming?

Ursuladevine · 24/12/2022 12:07

can your children not do anything to help?

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