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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for a quick bit of helo re Christmas dilemma!!!

69 replies

Inthebleakmidwinters · 23/12/2022 09:47

So we have guests coming for Christmas most due tomorrow , apart from dd 1 who we have not seen for months . Plan was quiet time with her , take for lunch etc .

Last night we got a call when at a party from dd2 who is bringing bf , to say she is coming this eve At dinnertime not tomorrow lunch.

I was taken aback as felt awful as I knew it would affect plans a little and the fact she just annonced a change ( has been busy)

aibu . To say sorry it wont work for us . We want time with dd1 as not seen for ages . This is unlikely to go down well as she regards this her home thou has own place .
risk of upset.
or just say ok .
dd1 says she was look forward quiet time with us , but dd2 isnt aware of that it was just a plan informally made that. Worked out well.

Christmas does intensity things .

OP posts:
SkylightSkylight · 23/12/2022 13:24

Luredbyapomegranate · 23/12/2022 11:13

Are you 10? 😂

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@Luredbyapomegranate

stupid response to a perfectly valid post

SkylightSkylight · 23/12/2022 13:32

poefaced · 23/12/2022 10:01

DD2 has her own place so she shouldn’t spring herself on you with such short notice.

I’m confused on timings though. When are guests coming, when is DD1 coming and when is DD2 coming?

If DD2 is coming this evening can you take DD1 to lunch this afternoon?

I'm 53, I've not lived 'at home' since I was 17 (common to house share at that age where I lived) my mum has moved since my Dad died, from our 'family home' she still considers it 'home' and wouldn't think of it as 'springing on her'. She'd just be thrilled to see me. As it should be IMO.

if she told me 'no' your sister will be here & I want to pamper her, alone. I'd be very hurt (but she never would because she's not so ....thoughtless or unkind)

Topseyt123 · 23/12/2022 13:34

If I were your DD2 and my parents had told me not to come along early so that they could pamper my sister without me present I would have been very hurt indeed. Just don't.

Surely both of your children are welcome at any time and are treated equally!! You can all go out to lunch together and have a catch-up.

Stop making complications and setting everyone up for a hard time.

AtTheNursingHome · 23/12/2022 13:39

wtf

Floralnomad · 23/12/2022 13:39

All sounds a bit weird and dysfunctional to me , no reason at all why you can’t just take one daughter out to lunch whilst the other stays and does her own thing with her boyfriend , or they all come - very strange

Flamingogirl08 · 23/12/2022 13:41

I'd be gutted if my Mum said that to me

ShirleyPhallus · 23/12/2022 13:41

I cannot believe people actually think like this in real life

Peoniesandcream · 23/12/2022 13:41

My parents spend more time with my sister too, without me. The Xmas we had in lockdown (I had day off and work a lot of Christmases because of my job), they chose to spend the day with her instead of me because of the stupid 6 people rule. These days I hardly bother with them because of coming second all the time...

CovertImage · 23/12/2022 13:44

poefaced · 23/12/2022 10:08

DD2 is rude to invite herself and her boyfriend for dinner at such short notice.

What if OP and her DH were planning a beans on toast night?

I agree. What is it about MN that woman have to be 100% available for their kids at all times and forever even if it's to the detriment of their own plans.

EasterIsland · 23/12/2022 13:50

So you don’t want to see DD2? What lovely parents.

FlirtyMelons · 23/12/2022 13:52

This is so alien to me, in my family, well we're a family. It sounds a bit precious TBH with your DD and I would be upset if I was your other DD and you said no to me coming early as you wanted alone time with her sister.

FlirtyMelons · 23/12/2022 13:56

chary · 23/12/2022 11:17

DD2 is rude to invite herself and her boyfriend for dinner at such short notice.

No wonder some people don't get on with family or friends... 🤣

Exactly this. Honestly MN is like an alternate universe at times. I would hope that any of my friends or family never feel like they couldn't ask to come and stay last minute etc. This year SIL has mentioned her mum might come along boxing day, it wouldn't occur to either of us for her to have to ask if it would be OK.

FlirtyMelons · 23/12/2022 13:57

I can't see the problem re the BF either, why wouldn't you just all go out together.

neverbeenskiing · 23/12/2022 14:05

DD2 is rude to invite herself and her boyfriend for dinner at such short notice.

I find it sad that anyone would think like this about their own children. However old they are, I always want my DC to treat my house as their home and I would never expect them to wait to be "invited", let alone feel they couldn't come home "at short notice".

Quincythequince · 23/12/2022 20:07

CovertImage · 23/12/2022 13:44

I agree. What is it about MN that woman have to be 100% available for their kids at all times and forever even if it's to the detriment of their own plans.

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They don’t.
But it’s Christmas, she’s coming anyway and so probably will thought that coming a day early would be ok and that her mum might pleased.

Topseyt123 · 24/12/2022 04:03

CovertImage · 23/12/2022 13:44

I agree. What is it about MN that woman have to be 100% available for their kids at all times and forever even if it's to the detriment of their own plans.

Show quote history

Women don't have to be available for their kids 100% of the time. I'm certainly not.

However, my home is still their home and I would still never dream of telling one of them not to arrive at a certain time because I wanted time to pamper the other. That is just a very hurtful thing to do.

1down · 24/12/2022 07:18

I totally get the op wanting to spend some 1 on 1 time with dd1 if she hasn't seen her for 6 months. Why is that bad parenting? She said she sees dd2 weekly so has had 1 on 1 with her loads over the last few months.
Everyone saying dd1 is golden child, isn't dd2 acting like she gets to make the choices?
Yes, I am the child who never got 121 with my parents but my sisters always did, and I had to 'be kind' and accept changes
And yes I specifically make 121 time with my children, I think it's good for them

WaddleAway · 24/12/2022 07:41

1down · 24/12/2022 07:18

I totally get the op wanting to spend some 1 on 1 time with dd1 if she hasn't seen her for 6 months. Why is that bad parenting? She said she sees dd2 weekly so has had 1 on 1 with her loads over the last few months.
Everyone saying dd1 is golden child, isn't dd2 acting like she gets to make the choices?
Yes, I am the child who never got 121 with my parents but my sisters always did, and I had to 'be kind' and accept changes
And yes I specifically make 121 time with my children, I think it's good for them

DD1 arrived home 24 hours before DD2 wanted to arrive, so they’d already had a day of 1:1 time. Plus why can’t they have 1:1 time even with DD2 and her boyfriend staying? All 3 of my children live here full time and I manage 1:1 time with them all. It’s just a case of saying ‘yes it’s fine for you to arrive tonight but DD1 and I are going out for lunch tomorrow so you and boyfriend can amuse yourselves’.

mrsbitaly · 24/12/2022 07:44

Just be upfront and say you have plans and say you haven't seen her in a long time and just wanted to spend some time. Surely she will understand that.

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