To ask for a quick bit of helo re Christmas dilemma!!!

[Inthebleakmidwinters]

So we have guests coming for Christmas most due tomorrow , apart from dd 1 who we have not seen for months . Plan was quiet time with her , take for lunch etc .

Last night we got a call when at a party from dd2 who is bringing bf , to say she is coming this eve At dinnertime not tomorrow lunch.

I was taken aback as felt awful as I knew it would affect plans a little and the fact she just annonced a change ( has been busy)

aibu . To say sorry it wont work for us . We want time with dd1 as not seen for ages . This is unlikely to go down well as she regards this her home thou has own place .
risk of upset.
or just say ok .
dd1 says she was look forward quiet time with us , but dd2 isnt aware of that it was just a plan informally made that. Worked out well.

Christmas does intensity things .

Yes absolutely do not tell DD2 that she can’t come, this would be massively humiliating and upsetting especially if she’s bringing someone. Can’t you have quiet time with DD1 informally between now and Christmas without making a big deal of it, like going to the shops and grabbing a coffee, or just chatting in the kitchen? Just because you’ve seen her less I don’t think it’s fair to make DD2 feel less important.

I’m sure the DD and her partner could pick themselves up an extra tin of beans and a loaf on their way over. Or order a takeaway.

This

I can see where you are coming from re wanting some 1:1 time with DD1. My husband has 3 much more expressive siblings and I’ve started to notice that he goes round to to his parents when the siblings aren’t there as he doesn’t get a word in otherwise. I agree you couldn’t say it outright though, so the comment about an existing plan with DD1 but seeing DD2 and bf later sounds most diplomatic.

She's their daughter - surely she could just have beans on toast with them? When I visit my parents it's more like I'm coming home, I pitch in and just go with the flow of the house. I don't think most adult children expect to be entertained like a formal guest when they visit their parents.

Don't tell one child they can't come because the other will be there. Guaranteed this will not go down well. Just spend time as a family.

That sounds fair enough, she has just told you last minute rather than checking it's okay.
Nothing wrong with sticking to the original plan, especially if you're already going to be having them until new year anyway.

Yes, tell one daughter you don’t want her arriving home a bit early for Christmas so you can see your other daughter instead.

That’ll go down well.

If you do that, don’t expect her back.

You could of course just say as you didn’t know she was coming back, you won’t be available all day as your are spending time with DD1 and then just take her out for a coffee, lunch, walk etc.

That would be the easiest option if you don’t want drama.

I can’t imagine telling my child not to come over a bIt earlier than expected, ever, unless it simply wasn’t possible.

Do this. Don't tell her not to come. As you said, she still sees it as her home. She will feel rejected and unwelcome the whole period if you tell her not to come.

Perfect!

WTAF.
Its her daughter…

Still take dd1 for lunch as planned but it’s a bit harsh to tell dd2 she’s not to come early.

Dont think ur telling us and maybe urself the full story here. Is DD2 more emotionally demanding of you?

Or is dd1 the golden child? Would you ever consider asking dd2 if she was happy with her sister coming over and if she wanted her to be told no?

Why haven't you seen DD1 for months?

whether it's by choice or necessity I still think it's pretty mean to not want DD2 to come earlier than planned at Christmas so you can pamper DD1.

but I expect DD2 already knows DD1 is the favourite.

It's unfortunate but nothing you can do -

If they are both there all over Christmas, you should be able to take DD1 for lunch and a trip out to spend some time with her alone. Tell DD1 you've tweaked the plans, and tell DD2 that's what will be happening.

If they aren't staying for the whole thing, then I think you could say to DD2 that you'll be doing that tomorrow - but only if you have to, as it's not the most friendly start.

Are you 10? 😂

This is weird

We see dd2 most weeks and we have not seen dd1 for 6 months and wanted pamper her a bit . Thats all.

Why do you not see dd1 so much & why can't you pamper her

Is this one of the golders child scenarios that I always see talked about on MNs!

DD2 is rude to invite herself and her boyfriend for dinner at such short notice.

No wonder some people don't get on with family or friends... 🤣

My home will be my DD’s “home”for the rest of their lives. They will both always be welcome at any time, without question.
That is what a home is.

Sounds like your DD2 actually makes the effort to come and see you and spend time with you and you're prepared to shun her in favour of DD1 who has presumably chosen to move away. That's rubbish OP. Both of your children should always be welcome in your home.

What happened last night @Inthebleakmidwinters with dd1?

Is dd1 already there so arrived last night? So you've had solo time with her last night and can do so all of today for her 'pampering' till dd2 arrives tonight?