To of lost my rag with DH ex

[FMLonceavain]

So DH had his kids 50/50 until recent when teenage DD started only coming EOW but we still had have DS 50/50. This weekend DSD had Scarlett fever so didn’t come as she felt ill so wanted to stay with her mum- not an issue.
Sunday morning 15 year old dog becomes very ill very fast and literally gasping for breath so got my DM to run round to watch my 2 DS and DSS and we rushed her straight to the vet as clearly suffering. Vet diagnosed heart failure and fluid on lung so unfortunately put her to sleep there and then. We get home and DH drives to ex’s house to tell DD in person. Later Ex wife starts texting constantly how selfish we are for not allowing DD to say goodbye- DH explains was emergency and dog was suffering and it wasn’t intentional but she won’t drop it so he ignores her messages.
Ex then messaged me how I probably did it this weekend to spite DSD and didn’t let her say goodbye on purpose. I have lost my temper saying it’s not about DSD the dog was drowning in fluid on the lungs so she come first and I wanted her to be seen but ex carries on so have told her to get lost and stop being such a self absorbed idiot and that she is no longer to message me and blocked her.
AIBU as I was obviously devastated by the loss but felt once again she needed to make it about her- DH has only said no communication will make things harder but I don’t want someone like that talking to me

YANBU that really is derranged of her. I mean I guess you may want to open the lines of communication in the future but I would have blocked her too.

I'm really sorry about your dog OP!

Don't engage with the ex. It's none of your business. It's DH's problem. Same as for any other issue to do with the DSC.

Shame you replied, better to ignore/block.

For someone to say I put my dog to sleep on a certain weekend to spite a child was heart breaking- I never wanted to put her to sleep full stop but it was about her being in pain nothing more

This. She isnt your problem.

Yeah I'd have reacted like you did and block her too. DH cannot expect you to let someone keep nipping at you whilst you're grieving saying you did it (did what??) out of spite.
You can't keep "communication open " when other person is being nasty and misusing your number like this.

Besides, he can deal with his ex wife.

@FMLonceavain I am so sorry for your loss 💐

I completely understand why you did respond to her messages, but I'd definitely let DH deal from now on. My DHs ex is similar and I've had to bite my tongue because it would cause all sorts of grief for DSC and its not fair.

Let your dh deal with her. There is no need for you to be in touch with her at all (dh has never directly messaged my ex for example, we’ve been together 15 years and I have dd aged 19 with ex).

I am so sorry about your dog. 💐❤️ You’ve got nothing to feel bad for, you did the right thing. I’m guessing ex doesn’t have pets / doesn’t understand how these things can happen like this? She’s being ridiculous.

The did it was put the dog to sleep when DSD wasn’t here this weekend and had chosen to stay with her mum

Sorry about your dog OP. You are completely right, you had not choice over timing and the ex has made a bad time even worse by picking a fight with you over this.

Sorry for your loss.
She has shown her true colours, creating drama around someone else’s grief.

You did nothing wrong.

The ex is DH’s problem to manage, you can block whoever you want.

And so sorry about your dog 🥺🌈

I'm so sorry about your dog.

Ideally you should never have been in contact with her in the first place.

Just ignore her from now on she's a nasty piece of work. You did your best in an awful situation.

What is wrong with her!!
I had to have our dog PTS while my husband was away at work. Waiting until he got back was not an option.
She's a cow

This is a moment to draw a boundary: your ex; your problem.

block her and tell him that you will
simply no longer be communicating with his ex at all. He can, and should, organise everything and be the point of contact.

Sorry about your dog.

So sorry @FMLonceavain that sounds horrendous. I think you were right. Wishing you all the best going forwards. She was a cruel Knobhead 💐

To make the dog suffer so dsd could say goodbye is just cruel.
personally I would continue to block ex.

How it none of her business? It’s her dog lol

Yeah and the ex is ranting at OP! If anyone has a go at me I think it's my business!

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your beloved dog (and this close to Christmas). Basically she has made it all about her (via you DSD).
Block and move on asap (anyone who is so unfeeling isn't worth the effort). Again, so sorry for your loss of D dog.

So she's actually suggesting that you should have brought a very old distressed dog back from the vets and kept him suffering for the length of time that it takes your dsd to recover from scarlet fever? During which time your dog is suffering and you are all suffering knowing what pain he is going through? What an absolutely vile person.

Personally if your dsd thought so much about your dog I think it is better for her not to have witnessed his suffering. And your darling dog wouldn't have appreciated her fussing over him either.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You must be devastated

You would have been cruel to do anything other than get the dog to the vet asap.

Bet she has actually done you a favour. Make 2023 the year you do fuck all that benefits her.
Leave dsd and the whole drama to dh.

I'm so sorry about your dog.
You did exactly the right thing, the kind and loving thing.

There is a reason this woman is your DHs ex.

Simply repeat your statement that your dog was too ill to wait and that you took the vet's advice. To prolong her suffering would have been cruel.

Just repeat it calmly and clearly, whether it's by text, by email or in conversation.

In that situation your dog, not her daughter, came first.

Sorry about your dog and the shit treatment you got.