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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it wise to sell your house and buy another with a partner

58 replies

Bebenama · 23/12/2022 07:23

I’m currently single mum, own my house outright. Previous partner suggested I sell my house and use all the proceeds and buy with him a house, he was going to contribute but only 40k and whilst I put in over 150k. I say no I would rent my house and we equally buy new one.
It seems a lot of people expect this arrangement which to me is not fair especially if you have bought the house before meeting and have children from previous relationships to consider.

please can you tell me your opinion and experience or what would you do?
really want to know how I can do things regarding my house and buying another in future if I meet someone. What is sensible and fair?

how can protect my house if I get married in future?

OP posts:
Maybebabyno2 · 23/12/2022 07:27

If I owned a house outright and had a child who wasn't my current partners, there is no way on this planet I would sell that to take on a mortgage with someone else.

Could he move in with you and then pay you rent?

Luckydip1 · 23/12/2022 07:30

Good question, if you buy a property as tenants in common you can document what share of the property is owned by you and in your will you can determine what happens to that share if you pass away, for example you might want to pass that share onto your children. In the instance you could give your partner a life interest so they can continue to live in the property until they die before your share passes to your children. Best to get the advice of a solicitor.

londonrach · 23/12/2022 07:30

Don't sell your house. You a child to consider if the relationship goes wrong. If not married it's 50:50 as deposit and make sure you both on the house deeds. Get proper legal advice

RichPetunia · 23/12/2022 07:30

I'm sure I've read about an agreement called tenants in common. Basically means there's an agreement that takes into account what you both put in initially, so any proceeds to be split later would be done along the same %. I could be remembering this incorrectly though.

strawberry2017 · 23/12/2022 07:30

No chance, I would keep the house and rent it like you say.
It's yours outright, I would never give that up especially if I had a child.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 23/12/2022 07:34

strawberry2017 · 23/12/2022 07:30

No chance, I would keep the house and rent it like you say.
It's yours outright, I would never give that up especially if I had a child.

Ooo but that would make you a landlord and we know what MN thinks about landlords!
Seriously though I would rent it out

RichPetunia · 23/12/2022 07:36

Actually now that I think about it you have to be VERY careful. I know someone whose parent had a will leaving her share of her house to the children from her first marriage. Second husband stayed on in property because half of it was his but he then went on to develop care needs and the whole house value was taken into account for costs because the first bereavement had occurred more than 5 years before (Scotland). It's very tricky so I'd keep finances entirely separate.

latenightpartyrings · 23/12/2022 07:36

We were tenants in common on our first house as DP put in much more money. We switched to joint on moving and DC.
www.gov.uk/joint-property-ownership

BadShepherd · 23/12/2022 07:36

No fucking way.

my children are my priority and there’s no way in hell I’d deliberately serve up insecurity.

given the person who suggested that to you is now an EX - seems your gut served you well.

my only question would be “why are you doubting yourself because someone else (an ex with a vested interest) questioned your decision?

hettie · 23/12/2022 07:37

No it's not fair and you would be at risk of loosing your equity/assets. You can get a legal contract and get a tenancy in common where the proceeds quid be split according to a percentage share of West you put in. BUT I would be very very wary of anyone who wanted me to sell my house to buy one with them if they didn't have equal assets because it a shitty cocklodger manoevre. If you married someone you would be in a different position which in your case wouldn't necessarily favour you, get very good legal advice before you consider either option.

Lkydfju · 23/12/2022 07:39

I would only do this as tenants in common which protects my much higher contribution should we separate.

TheOpenRoad · 23/12/2022 07:39

Please don't sell your house! And make sure that you take legal advice on how to protectvyour assets.

If you are considering marriage that complicates things and puts your assests at greater risk, so legal advice is essential.

You need to look out for yourself and your children

Lkydfju · 23/12/2022 07:40

But I would only do that with someone who was completely on board with that; the second they suggested that wasn’t how they wanted to do it then I’d be out of there

ohyouknowwhatshername · 23/12/2022 07:42

I would rent it out. According to some on Mumsnet that would make me a parasite, but in real life I think most people would understand why you were doing it.

Shiraztonight · 23/12/2022 07:43

I am considering this but as tennents in common with probably a 80/20 split in my favour, it's early stages in this and I'll be definitely getting legal advice

MelchiorsMistress · 23/12/2022 07:43

Good for you for thinking this through properly before you need to. Unfortunately there is no way you can properly ensure that your children inherit all of the value of your house when you die if you get married. Your idea of keeping your home separate and renting then buying or renting with a partner is probably the best way of doing it.

It’s worth thinking about how it would work if your dc want to go to university as well. The way it is at the moment, students are told how much they can borrow based on their household income, and that includes income from a parents new partner. The non resident parents income is completely disregarded but a new partner of a resident parent is expected to contribute to a students upkeep and sadly some find themselves struggling because they have not been allowed to borrow enough but nor is their step parent prepared to pay for them. Just thought this was something you should bear in mind as you’re thinking about how future partners could affect your children.

Notthetoothfairy · 23/12/2022 07:44

Agree with PPs, you and your DC come first and you should never jeopardise their financial security like that.

Re the marriage question, you probably can’t protect yourself that much so best to avoid marriage unless it is to someone who is in the same financial circumstances as you (or better).

Figgy321 · 23/12/2022 07:45

Do not under any circumstances sell your house and put in £150k and him £40k for a joint purchase.

50:50 or nothing - suggest that and see what he says, when he hesitates you’ll have your answer!

Please be careful you could lose everything you’ve worked for. Do not sell your house, you will need it when he changes on you .

BarrelOfOtters · 23/12/2022 07:46

I kept my house, rented it out, and moved in with DH and his kids. 18 years ago. He recently sold that house and used the equity to buy our current house and I know pay half the mortgage and we own the house. I’ve still got mine. We haven’t sorted out his kids yet and inheritance, must update the will and do that.

I’ve done financially quite well out of the arrangement ….but he hasn’t lost out.

I’ve always felt more secure knowing I had my house still….

Realist2022 · 23/12/2022 07:48

I did this. I had a v small mortgage on the house I owned and my DP had enough to pay the stamp duty. He pays more to the mortgage. Currently I own 87.5% of the house but over the course of the mortgage he will increase his share to about 35% assuming there is no other expenditure other than the mortgage - in reality we are likely to end up spending money on the house and this will likely come from him as he earns more. We are tenants in common and have a floating deed of trust which is reviewed annually. I also have a will in place which protects DS's interests but enables DP to remain in the house.

Toooldtoworry · 23/12/2022 07:50

Ultimately if you had the option to keep your property that is what I'd do. If it was not financially viable I'd be buying as tenants in common and having a trust deed signed off.

megletthesecond · 23/12/2022 07:51

No. I would rent it out.

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 23/12/2022 07:53

I wouldn’t get married unless to someone with the same or more in terms of property asset, savings and pension. I wouldn’t want to see someone I was divorcing walk off with my children’s potential inheritance.

Also when you combine property you don’t make as much when you come to split the sale costs of a big house as you would selling your own smaller house and keeping 100% , if that makes sense.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 23/12/2022 07:56

Realist2022 · 23/12/2022 07:48

I did this. I had a v small mortgage on the house I owned and my DP had enough to pay the stamp duty. He pays more to the mortgage. Currently I own 87.5% of the house but over the course of the mortgage he will increase his share to about 35% assuming there is no other expenditure other than the mortgage - in reality we are likely to end up spending money on the house and this will likely come from him as he earns more. We are tenants in common and have a floating deed of trust which is reviewed annually. I also have a will in place which protects DS's interests but enables DP to remain in the house.

I also have a will in place which protects DS's interests but enables DP to remain in the house.
for how long? Until he dies? What if he outlives your ds?

Luckydip1 · 23/12/2022 08:02

If you do get married the tenants in common principle can be contested if you subsequently get divorced, based on need which trumps everything.