AIBU to have had enough of DH?

[anerki101]

There are so many things I could write about here.

One of my main gripes at the moment is job hunting. I have a previous thread about me trying to find a job. It's proving very difficult as I have no help from DH with childcare. His job will always be superior to whatever job I have so all the childcare falls to me. DH can't or won't be flexible with his work or hours which severely limits my job options and also mean once I do find a job, I'll be solely responsible to sort out school drop offs, pick ups, holiday cover and sickness which will likely make me an unreliable employee.

Even jobs in schools finish half an hour later than my DS finishes school and there's only one child minder in the area that does drop offs and pick ups from his school who may well be fully booked anyway.

Tonight DH left DS (4) in the shower by himself, came downstairs and started to put a wash in the washing machine.

I'm at home with DS as it's the Christmas Holidays. DH is at work. I've got the lurgy and feel awful. I'm now behind on getting things ready for Christmas. I have some wrapping still to do a a dairy bit of washing and housework. I need to write 11k words for Uni by 3rd January. I'm also applying for jobs. I just feel stressed and alone with it all.

I don't know. There's so much more I could say but I don't where to start or how to articulate it.

AIBU to feel like DH is at fault here?

@anerki101 that is below average (or around average depending on the stat set) it absolutely is not a salary to hold over your head. You could achieve this I promise you, you really don't need to let him stand on a pedestal for that, you must be entitled to some benefits with that household income??

I think you actually do need to find another school for your child. He is only 4 so changing now shouldn't be too bad. With a more flexible school with before and after school childcare you have the option of either divorcing and getting a job or staying and getting a job.

That is the most practical solution. On the emotional side, I think you would really, really benefit from not being in your marriage. You are already doing everything, you can easily go at it alone and he will have to pay you maintenance if he won't amend his hours to look after his son.

You probably won't have time to do this, with a coursework deadline looming, but if you worked out how much it would cost to outsource all the services you provide for your bigwig DH & DS, I bet it would make a massive dent in his precious salary.

I think you actually do need to find another school for your child. He is only 4 so changing now shouldn't be too bad. With a more flexible school with before and after school childcare you have the option of either divorcing and getting a job or staying and getting a job

You took a potentially autistic or autistic child out of a school they were supported and happy at for practical reasons and they worked out well?

What is your university course in? And when do you finish, 2023?

Not entitled to a penny.

He must have only been there 4 months by now, and she is in a catch 22 if she can't find a job that is precisely his school hours and the school doesn't offer additional childcare. It would be less disruptive to find a new school now where he can be for years and years, rather than finding other provisions outside of school which would likely be more disruptive to routine.

Autism is a spectrum after all, and some autistic children can cope with some change and if OP's child only started a few months ago and is already settled I would imagine starting a new school now or in a few months would be doable.

I just don't see a way for OP to be able to have a bareable life without being able to support herself, her DH is too much of a dick to help.

How he is treating you with regards to finances and work means he is absolutely not wonderful.

The thing about the christingle and nativity really irks me and is extremely telling. The only people I know who are so militantly atheist that I imagine wouldn’t attend a children’s christingle are self-important, faux-intellectual twats.

Everything seems worse when u are ill! So first thing is to focus on getting better! Make a list of absolute necessary things to do to get Xmas ready! Tidy house can wait.

forget job hunting as that will not work unless u can do some kind of virtual assistant during school hours?
work out a plan from Boxing Day to do 500-1000 words a night/day break it up however u feel but make a plan so it’s not so daunting.

Then in the new year decide what u want and is this man it? If not it’s time to plan to end it! Good luck! Get well soon!

ps children as young as 4 should not be left in the shower alone in my opinion.

@anerki101 not even for childcare??

You’re not showing much of an interest in helping yourself out of your situation. What do you actually want? Tips on learning how to live with it? Or just confirmation that your DH is unreasonable? If the latter, yes, he’s unreasonable.

This explains why you chose to be with DH.

Break the cycle.

Are your studies going to lead to work for you with a decent salary? Your dh sounds unsupportive and not on your team but you need to be on your own team first. Be a bit more proactive about what you can do to ensure you can leave him

Honestly I think you really need to think hard about this man! You obviously know him best so maybe and hopefully this was just an off day but behaviour like that is not ok